tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49414171976817727092024-03-13T16:17:47.114-04:00The Savvy GuydeHandy lifestyle tips from an everyday regular guy who's been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and lived to tell the tales. Sort of. When life hands you lemons, make a gin & tonic. Every guy needs a wingman, and that's me. Who's got your back? I do. Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-51681796519178320232016-01-18T21:59:00.003-05:002016-01-18T22:03:09.078-05:00Remembering David Bowie<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKX0D0LZNwqsc9h99h8SmDPDjQpbgnUSaGwn0pdZhSwYqe9Qj9O_So3cXTpcujQDXwnEb3ryqntu1jcb5WuxHzWdGKiz5mCdeATuUaFUAePEotfwo1syP0yDNLoYnvJEFbvE05NSbWFO8/s1600/2014ChalkieDavis_1_DB_200314.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKX0D0LZNwqsc9h99h8SmDPDjQpbgnUSaGwn0pdZhSwYqe9Qj9O_So3cXTpcujQDXwnEb3ryqntu1jcb5WuxHzWdGKiz5mCdeATuUaFUAePEotfwo1syP0yDNLoYnvJEFbvE05NSbWFO8/s640/2014ChalkieDavis_1_DB_200314.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My favorite picture of David Bowie, from the sleeve of the Absolute Beginners single.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<i><b>A note from the Wingman: Why would we do a celebrity obituary on this blog? Because David Bowie was an icon, the sort of creative and artistic genius we all wish we could be, and the sort of dapper gentleman of style and cool that we should all strive to emulate.</b></i><br />
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Like most of the world, I awoke last Monday morning and
received the terrible news, and received it in the blunt, impersonal way most
of us did: a notification on my cell phone that came in while I slept. And like
the rest of the world, I had to open up a couple of news apps to confirm that
it wasn’t a hoax or a false report. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sadly, the news was true. David Bowie had passed away just
days after his 69<sup>th</sup> birthday, finally succumbing after 18 months to
the aggressive cancer none of us knew he had.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, admittedly, I wasn’t a huge Bowie fanboy. I wasn’t a
disciple of his myriad incarnations throughout the decades. I never owned a
Bowie album, never saw him in concert, and had only really seen a couple of his
films. But David had always been a presence throughout my life. There had never
been a time in my memory that there was no David Bowie. I was born in 1969,
just a few weeks before the moon landing. Bowie recorded his first #1 single,
Space Oddity, on the 20<sup>th</sup> of June (3 weeks after my arrival) and
released it on July 11<sup>th</sup>. So yes, Bowie was always a celebrity my
entire life on this rock.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhThXb4oIcN09U7Gq4jd5YazmhhrXWB2D-78LIbcXAsukatkUEzHzi2rFhYAkt5oj4FaoyAdW6aTCfLhuEIt0OFCLaN-l1vSnHvRDzEjT-5zTjHvc49W-0F5QASHhnOTMKlzHZhZBIcz3c/s1600/tumblr_o0s5eaPsCW1r6jihwo1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhThXb4oIcN09U7Gq4jd5YazmhhrXWB2D-78LIbcXAsukatkUEzHzi2rFhYAkt5oj4FaoyAdW6aTCfLhuEIt0OFCLaN-l1vSnHvRDzEjT-5zTjHvc49W-0F5QASHhnOTMKlzHZhZBIcz3c/s320/tumblr_o0s5eaPsCW1r6jihwo1_500.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although I really liked “Under Pressure”, his 1981
collaboration with Queen, I only really started to pay attention to any of his
music when Let’s Dance came out in 1983. I quickly tired of the title track and
the equally inescapable China Girl, but Modern Love was a pop masterpiece to
me. Plus, there was something very cool about this dude with the immaculate
suit and perfect hair. I never completely warmed to Blue Jean and thought that
the Dancin’ in the Streets cover with Mick Jagger was abysmal, mostly because
Jagger’s aging rock-god histrionic flailing dance moves couldn’t be taken
seriously by a 16-year-old me who was deeply entrenched in the synth-driven
world of Depeche Mode and New Order. However, in 1986 I found out that Dave
Gahan, singer of Depeche Mode, was recruited to sing for the band when they
formed based on his singing Bowie’s song Heroes. I decided to give this Bowie
fellow some more consideration, and at about the same time he released the
title track to a film he was in….Absolute Beginners. It became the one and only
time I ever purchased a Bowie single. The song was lush and gorgeous and
achingly beautiful. To this day it remains my favorite Bowie track, followed
closely by the aforementioned Modern Love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the 90s, I was still clinging to electronic music and
rebelling against the grunge movement. That said, Bowie still managed to catch
my ear in 1995 with Hallo Spaceboy and its remix by synth legends Pet Shop
Boys, and The Heart’s Filthy Lesson from the soundtrack of the movie Se7en,
with remixes from Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and Dave Ogilvie from Skinny
Puppy, and in 1997 with I’m Afraid of Americans also done with Nine Inch Nails.
Just a couple years ago, I reconnected with the classic track Heroes when it
was featured in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Ironically, I never cared that
much for the cover of that same song by the band The Wallflowers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZkvoj9al0YlOJxKbk5UvPxAbX9_Hei725953ldOTNkuTYwc3BVACNo4Ld6eh1l9_izbaUwZvDnbmvR4bhVoXyjbcU3khohNslO873Ls5hpVXSDyvv3tWYbYOPv85OttTfv9UEWRav8bA/s1600/david-bowie2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZkvoj9al0YlOJxKbk5UvPxAbX9_Hei725953ldOTNkuTYwc3BVACNo4Ld6eh1l9_izbaUwZvDnbmvR4bhVoXyjbcU3khohNslO873Ls5hpVXSDyvv3tWYbYOPv85OttTfv9UEWRav8bA/s640/david-bowie2.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Always dapper and put together, and always with that huge smile. Taken just before his death.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While those
may have been the last songs of his I truly paid attention to, I still
maintained a deep respect and admiration for the man and his body of work. He
never stopped working, always with some sort of project or another going on.
Even while dying from the cancer that ended his life, he was putting an album
together that was to be his final goodbye. Released on his 69<sup>th</sup>
birthday, and just a couple days before he passed, Blackstar is being hailed as
a masterpiece, hitting the charts at #1 and dethroning Adele after several
weeks atop the charts. The album’s lead single, Lazarus, with its accompanying
video, alludes to his impending demise. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A very private man in his later years, no one outside his
closest inner circle even knew he was sick. Even in his last publicly posted
photographs, coincidentally also released on his birthday, he looks robust with
that gigantic engaging smile of his and immaculately dapper as always. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRUzesgsMZDKqi6LfK2uSOMaQbaOKh_ExC7mOPRQLLum5wHm0ypJOy_Fw95aLygtGSoKA5oxF8zEcHACN3JNK0-gHX8FW-erth4jjzrwv2WT-jEFLn6DCLLfgBh67X1WTSOjXAH9A3hXk/s1600/cd8042e2c58228959381b6c793d7de7b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRUzesgsMZDKqi6LfK2uSOMaQbaOKh_ExC7mOPRQLLum5wHm0ypJOy_Fw95aLygtGSoKA5oxF8zEcHACN3JNK0-gHX8FW-erth4jjzrwv2WT-jEFLn6DCLLfgBh67X1WTSOjXAH9A3hXk/s400/cd8042e2c58228959381b6c793d7de7b.jpg" width="308" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bowie with Dave Gahan, circa 1997</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, so very many acts that were influential in my life were
influenced by David Bowie. Many are quoted <a href="http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-35283114">here</a> in a write up by the BBC. As I said before, Dave Gahan’s rendition of Heroes
got him the frontman gig for Depeche Mode. Not only did The Cure do a great
cover of the Bowie classic Young Americans, former Bowie guitarist and
collaborator Reeves Gabrels is now a touring member of The Cure. Bowie and Smith performed together live in 1997 for a Bowie anniversary concert. Smith has been quoted as saying:</div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bowie's Low is the greatest record ever made. I bought it on cassette and the same day I went to a garden
centre with my mum. I’d ordered it from the local record shop, and Paul, who
was in the band, and is my brother-in-law, had dropped it through the
letterbox. It’s like one of those weird days. I walked home from school, there
was the cassette and we had a cassette player in the car. I went with her to a
garden centre, and I listened to 'Low' while she went and did whatever mums do
in garden centres, and I was like utterly, my whole perception of sound was
changed. Just how something could sound completely different, like 'Breaking
Glass', everything on there in fact, 'Sound And Vision', everything on there,
everything I heard was astonishing, really astonishing. When I put it on now
the sound, dunk dunk, everything is just fucking genius! There are other albums
that I love much more, like viscerally much more, like 'Axis: Bold As Love', or
'Five Leaves Left', albums that I can cry to, but 'Low' was the album that had
a huge impact on me, just how I saw sound. No other album has done that to me.</div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpZNgZP3ZidnY83PToZS94B_KfYA5aqamx7zI20xvPSdTmyeoShCg7hfsUiRFgb5b1_Ue0QtTvCtiGsWjlmfEqFQN56y3ISHborDiaH9SR0jCU4Vx2x_rQqfD5gqGn76Jep8SJ3uICUIo/s1600/www-pinterest-com2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpZNgZP3ZidnY83PToZS94B_KfYA5aqamx7zI20xvPSdTmyeoShCg7hfsUiRFgb5b1_Ue0QtTvCtiGsWjlmfEqFQN56y3ISHborDiaH9SR0jCU4Vx2x_rQqfD5gqGn76Jep8SJ3uICUIo/s400/www-pinterest-com2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Robert Smith and David Bowie</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
You grunge
fans will remember Nirvana covering The Man Who Sold The World on their famous
MTV Unplugged episode. While I was never a fan of Nirvana or grunge as a genre,
it’s not a bad cover. On their 360° Tour, U2 would play Space Oddity before the
show to get the crowd going. U2 frontman Bono has been quoted s saying, “What
Elvis meant to America, Bowie meant to Britain and Ireland. He was a radical
shift on U2’s consciousness.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlFJZQV5G1De9YgwTW6kfn1j2dcba6BpcRi9C6paipFO28MICgbpUwaoGM9kzl7J6FPf7ITEEuq4tZYJoAvGjk1AQu4tsDIbrOHzQdDnx2eBu9hyTDHm4e1m7qftzdtAqr7epJAL59Gl8/s1600/bowie+and+bono.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlFJZQV5G1De9YgwTW6kfn1j2dcba6BpcRi9C6paipFO28MICgbpUwaoGM9kzl7J6FPf7ITEEuq4tZYJoAvGjk1AQu4tsDIbrOHzQdDnx2eBu9hyTDHm4e1m7qftzdtAqr7epJAL59Gl8/s400/bowie+and+bono.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bowie and Bono</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After hearing of Bowie’s death, Depeche Mode’s Martin Gore
said: </div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
David Bowie - Where does one start? Is it too obvious to
state that he was the most influential artist for people of our generation and
younger? Ziggy Stardust was the first album I owned and his ability to innovate
meant that I was waiting patiently for the release of Blackstar just a few days
ago.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have heard Bowie blasting from Mr. Gahan’s dressing room
way too many times to begin to count. Heroes was the first song that we ever
played as the original Depeche Mode. We were all much more than casual fans.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
He is the only artist who compelled us to rush to a record
store on day one of a release back in the days of vinyl and beyond. His music
is what grabbed us but he was so much more than just a musician.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
To follow Bowie, to be one of his fans, was to be led on a
magical, winding journey. He constantly pushed boundaries and introduced us to
styles and genres we were unaware of or didn’t exist before he invented them.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was a star - the star of stars. For us, he was the
greatest legend. A legend who never rested on his laurels but continued to
experiment up until his death.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
We, along with the rest of the world, mourn the loss of our
greatest talent. This will be a hard one to recover from.</div>
</blockquote>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvYBLwSThDMmzKiIs2Qltv5I4axlnrdvmJ2Qh0b11CHb4Qz3y5DOvm1AWgiNDJ-pjHmNx1tcF90hf3MbaCaELRPgYsvh-X_w-HH61aK4cPyb9dz8pUkGaQ9C-JdhH3FFts4Jf161orJPA/s1600/109549347.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvYBLwSThDMmzKiIs2Qltv5I4axlnrdvmJ2Qh0b11CHb4Qz3y5DOvm1AWgiNDJ-pjHmNx1tcF90hf3MbaCaELRPgYsvh-X_w-HH61aK4cPyb9dz8pUkGaQ9C-JdhH3FFts4Jf161orJPA/s400/109549347.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bowie and Martin Gore</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many of my friends were/are much more die hard in their
Bowie fandom than I ever was and took his death much harder than I. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pollyanna Denison had this to say: </div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once upon another life, in 1997, through a set of
circumstances in which the stars aligned, my guardian angels pulled all their
favors, and luck was a lady to me, I wound up front row, standing against the
stage, at a David Bowie concert. One which had been sold out for ages, and to
which I had no tickets 3 hours prior. Soon after the show began, the Man
himself reached out to me, grasped my hand, and held it in his warm, amazing,
and magical palm; pantomiming that it was I who would not let go. He held my
blessed hand so tightly that he pulled the ring off of my finger. He then
smiled at me, held up my ring for the entire screaming audience to see, and
walked the stage, proudly displaying it and laughing with his many admirers
before he placed it back on my finger. He gave me the most charismatic wink I
have ever received. Were it not for what seemed like a million people pressed
against me, holding me upright on non-existent knees, I would have surely
fallen, both lifeless and more alive than I had ever been, in that moment. To
David, wherever he may be, I say this: Goodnight sweet prince. My heart will never
be the same knowing you have left us, but is at the same time curious and
hopeful for your soul's new journey. God speed.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
And also sharing a close moment with David was Chris
Huddleston: </div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
To have held your hand in mine, even for that
briefest of moments a lifetime ago, for just a handshake. To have shared a
single moment, brief as it was...to look directly into those sparkling eyes and
be met with that dazzling smile, meant just for me...for only a moment...a
flicker in time. It is all I had but it is enough to hold me for a lifetime.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To have been here, in this life, to have crossed your path.
To have watched the showman, the artist, sharing yourself and your art so many
times. To have lived a life molded by your presence. That is a gift for which I
can never repay you. These tears are real and they are full of both joy and
sorrow, as is the life you helped me to live.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your brilliance and beauty are unrivaled in my world. Thank
you, from the deepest recesses of my soul.</div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
p.s. Your catalog takes on a new meaning today. Listening,
yet again, with new ears and eyes full of tears...</div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxul84bB6H58DjOXp1ffUVTF8yn1xnAbnaotFcdV-1ZZabK8yPWoNOXfW8lHPHLAP9XNfm0NKOs5bIXbx9PLNN6LTUMYP15oW5zcq4GcZV9QGH9ufjNe2gWD_SE0Ypii4cRTaRDb5r2gg/s1600/static1.squarespace.com.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="406" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxul84bB6H58DjOXp1ffUVTF8yn1xnAbnaotFcdV-1ZZabK8yPWoNOXfW8lHPHLAP9XNfm0NKOs5bIXbx9PLNN6LTUMYP15oW5zcq4GcZV9QGH9ufjNe2gWD_SE0Ypii4cRTaRDb5r2gg/s640/static1.squarespace.com.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Billboard outside Knoxville, Tennesee</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFurQg605KJNOMKgdRmkat_6ytWp1NvQfEjL3n0aGCEShvGi6HvjcQhBY1pVw9RGBaIoGDJtm-f8J7wLNxPEqVMh88nPXUZhrEA-mKzl7__Y-dkPqhL22cO20dPiTv82Wa-3jG7ATnLaQ/s1600/12494673_1105134576164971_1240026301752554829_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFurQg605KJNOMKgdRmkat_6ytWp1NvQfEjL3n0aGCEShvGi6HvjcQhBY1pVw9RGBaIoGDJtm-f8J7wLNxPEqVMh88nPXUZhrEA-mKzl7__Y-dkPqhL22cO20dPiTv82Wa-3jG7ATnLaQ/s640/12494673_1105134576164971_1240026301752554829_n.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Billboard outside Los Angeles</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Singer, songwriter, actor, playwright, fashion icon,
multi-instrumental musician, producer, author, painter, husband, and father. Indeed,
the stars look very different today. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
In Memoriam: David Robert Jones, 8 January 1947 to 10
January 2016.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWsLnBU9KtOgMXYGA5b-Yc9YAFex5Te2hjw-lCi1pwPRB41iZ8ZKCk14dOCKtXzBPjj4eho_bAwLFRgEhvFbm7TD6uI80yr7KhRQOMT2qBrOfBfg0vdKJfuYH0tXXv5C780k1t0jQ6Dy4/s1600/626c95441c46e487818405ee2e70b97a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWsLnBU9KtOgMXYGA5b-Yc9YAFex5Te2hjw-lCi1pwPRB41iZ8ZKCk14dOCKtXzBPjj4eho_bAwLFRgEhvFbm7TD6uI80yr7KhRQOMT2qBrOfBfg0vdKJfuYH0tXXv5C780k1t0jQ6Dy4/s640/626c95441c46e487818405ee2e70b97a.jpg" width="484" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-71641790959776384762015-06-14T21:00:00.000-04:002015-06-14T21:00:16.337-04:00Know Your Poisons: Vodka<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6ZmgQmuxFijk4YWzmSS-zpERpmkeyqAnCODQtqux14iDdFg_Vd9HQRFNtZz4DkWeG4Nmpx1GdloCUP31vA9Ipb-OSwItOP5FWx6TuCeuCaKLlhTOLdX0mBcZCfkVxTbbCS59SyTnRCpc/s1600/3017323-inline-vodka-audit-bottles1500px.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6ZmgQmuxFijk4YWzmSS-zpERpmkeyqAnCODQtqux14iDdFg_Vd9HQRFNtZz4DkWeG4Nmpx1GdloCUP31vA9Ipb-OSwItOP5FWx6TuCeuCaKLlhTOLdX0mBcZCfkVxTbbCS59SyTnRCpc/s640/3017323-inline-vodka-audit-bottles1500px.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quite simply, vodka is a distilled beverage composed
primarily of water and ethanol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The name
"vodka" is a diminutive form of the Slavic word voda (water),
interpreted as “little water.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
isn’t an uncommon theme, as the word “whisky” is derived from the Gaelic “uisge
beatha” or water of life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Vodka may be distilled from any starch- or sugar-rich plant
matter; most vodka today is produced from grains such as sorghum, corn, rye or
wheat. Among grain vodkas, rye and wheat vodkas are generally considered
superior. Some vodkas are made from potatoes, molasses, soybeans, grapes, rice,
sugar beets and sometimes even byproducts of oil refining or wood pulp
processing. That sounds appealing, no?</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some Central
European countries, such as Poland, vodka is sometimes even produced by just
fermenting a solution of crystal sugar and yeast. In the European Union there
are talks about the standardization of vodka, and the Vodka Belt countries
insist that only spirits produced from grains, potato and sugar beet molasses
be allowed to be branded as "vodka", following the traditional
methods of production.</div>
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<br /></div>
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In the United States, many vodkas are surprisingly made from
95% ethanol produced in large quantities by agricultural-industrial giants
Archer Daniels Midland and Midwest Grain Processors. Bottlers purchase the base
spirits in bulk, then filter, dilute, distribute and market the end product
under a variety of vodka brand names. Think about that a minute. The stuff
you’re paying top-dollar for because some rapper held up a bottle of it in a
video might have started off as the same stuff they make that crappy gasoline
from that’s 30 cents a gallon cheaper but destroys your engine over time. Buyer
beware.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCaWTEDb0ok6kG5sOTzTNftrvnFANQJ_x2NEWJb95JeEw-C9qxQ3NfsX0IkN2y6PMNj46khTzy06p4zpOebwfXQvOATKEHClNrJxPFqE3l5bkW8UDKvT9UMoR8OYI3BAA0kc8QQEgVYc/s1600/Screen-Shot-2012-05-13-at-9.44.41-PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCaWTEDb0ok6kG5sOTzTNftrvnFANQJ_x2NEWJb95JeEw-C9qxQ3NfsX0IkN2y6PMNj46khTzy06p4zpOebwfXQvOATKEHClNrJxPFqE3l5bkW8UDKvT9UMoR8OYI3BAA0kc8QQEgVYc/s640/Screen-Shot-2012-05-13-at-9.44.41-PM.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I like how the 85% ethanol is at a minimum 70% ethanol. WTF?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Vodka is the chameleon of spirits and blends seamlessly with
just about anything. This is no accident, friends. While there are no universal
rules for producing the spirit, the final product is supposed to be colorless,
odorless and tasteless. With that said, vodka isn’t completely neutral, and a
number of distillers actually leave in a good amount of flavor. (The best way
to taste these subtle differences is to drink vodka neat at room temperature.)
Unlike Scotches and cognacs, which are made in pot stills, vodka is usually
produced in a high-volume, continuous column still. After distillation, the
spirit is filtered to remove any remaining impurities and congeners. Coal is a
traditional filter, but brands today use a range of materials, even including
diamonds. Vodka isn’t aged and can be bottled and sold immediately after
production. What’s also helping to drive sales in America is the wide range of
flavored vodkas now on the market, because God knows we Yanks can’t drink
anything without added flavors and sugars in it.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4qs8_SHGcNJNek4Ayxcsn1GzUU4DgylmsjERuWHrMIbkJEJFO4lFQvh75gdQ5T-W8RoZdQQrlH4IgMhI9n8vFP_KXfJAqEWC95JnTNCVa5rFgX6Nj2ZPVA9sP1BZdr3JBpIiJrkUWAOw/s1600/absolut-vodka-family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4qs8_SHGcNJNek4Ayxcsn1GzUU4DgylmsjERuWHrMIbkJEJFO4lFQvh75gdQ5T-W8RoZdQQrlH4IgMhI9n8vFP_KXfJAqEWC95JnTNCVa5rFgX6Nj2ZPVA9sP1BZdr3JBpIiJrkUWAOw/s640/absolut-vodka-family.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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A common property of the vodkas produced in the United
States and Europe is the extensive use of filtration prior to any additional
processing like the addition of flavorants. Filtering is sometimes done in the
still during distillation, as well as afterwards where the distillate is
filtered through activated charcoal and other media to absorb trace amounts of congeners
that alter or impart off-flavors to the vodka. However, this is not the case in
the traditional vodka-producing nations, so many distillers from these
countries prefer to use very accurate distillation but minimal filtering, thus
preserving the unique flavors and characteristics of their products.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The master distiller is in charge of production and
directing the filtration, which includes the removal of the
"fore-shots", "heads" and "tails". These
components of the distillate contain flavor compounds such as ethyl acetate and
ethyl lactate (heads) as well as the fusel oils (tails) that impact the usually
desired clean taste of vodka. Through numerous rounds of distillation, or the
use of a fractioning still, the taste is modified and clarity is increased. In
contrast, distillery process for liquors such as whiskies and rum allow
portions of the "heads" and "tails" to remain, giving them
their unique flavors.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhK4NXdMaerGlWd7CGYGrg6mj3irjXJ4JzDG40S2mlAx3UCLIB_t4Am2CQpbmgKvsUnHVVzZedvk4n0REKBphoHvbxoNjlaa5rhNONk3Qpa26oILEthFOJC3Vlmx2egwhPeUS7vHPJMg/s1600/distillery_detail8_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="626" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhK4NXdMaerGlWd7CGYGrg6mj3irjXJ4JzDG40S2mlAx3UCLIB_t4Am2CQpbmgKvsUnHVVzZedvk4n0REKBphoHvbxoNjlaa5rhNONk3Qpa26oILEthFOJC3Vlmx2egwhPeUS7vHPJMg/s640/distillery_detail8_large.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Repeated distillation of vodka will make its ethanol level
much higher than is acceptable to most end users, whether legislation
determines strength limits or not. Depending on the distillation method and the
technique of the stillmaster, the final filtered and distilled vodka may have
as much as 95–96% ethanol. (Hey, kinda like that stuff I mentioned above.) As
such, most vodka is diluted with water prior to bottling.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So yeah, like with any liquors, some of it is lesser-grade
and some is considered ultra-premium. If you can get it for ten bucks for a
750ml plastic bottle, it probably isn’t really ready to be drunk neat and is
better off as a mixer ingredient. However, I hasten to add that mid-range
reasonably-priced vodkas are readily available and those over-the top
super-premiums distilled half a dozen times and filtered through diamonds are
just a way to part you from your money as you attempt vainly to look like a
high-roller at the club.</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whattaya’ mean,
Wingman? The more times it’s done, the better, right? I mean, it’s purer and
they used diamonds, bro…</i></div>
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Seriously, guys, read between the lines.</div>
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The more you distill it the purer it gets. At a certain
point is it 95% ethanol….just like the ethanol made in the giant factories and
turned into the crap ruining your car engines at 85%. Either way, they have to
water it down to make drinkable vodka. And really? Wasting diamonds on
filtering alcohol? That’s the vodka equivalent of a tequila worm or a scorpion
in the bottle. A marketing gimmick. Diamonds are better served as part of a saw
blade or in jewelry. And you know what a diamond started off as? A hunk of
coal. Squeezed by tectonic plates for a few million years, it becomes a
diamond. Stick to the stuff filtered through charcoal.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifHvLi68sOZLKc_U4OKXyt9lN_4y7ayZc9Z2WvajP210RRvhbFvfCrlZGPnSQ2_7K-sOd1PLyiQ24OtiOs-0AXKEXEMBoIQpWEljIUJdz8cHww8K2_6HwTdsu7Hm7MZgCKc9ZZ5299uRA/s1600/pitbullweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifHvLi68sOZLKc_U4OKXyt9lN_4y7ayZc9Z2WvajP210RRvhbFvfCrlZGPnSQ2_7K-sOd1PLyiQ24OtiOs-0AXKEXEMBoIQpWEljIUJdz8cHww8K2_6HwTdsu7Hm7MZgCKc9ZZ5299uRA/s400/pitbullweb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtv9GH8Ocu5PDBqx-NIVGlO_Oa2jHdyM-wNQ1Waeec8ybKJVATxpM86zY1Q1e2Onzn7P-0KulG20AM2lzbZh7xuoLHtYowsCVXUCW-FKKvHIK7a8axxAHgAfmn6ownhtEjr5COWcHWi28/s1600/diddly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtv9GH8Ocu5PDBqx-NIVGlO_Oa2jHdyM-wNQ1Waeec8ybKJVATxpM86zY1Q1e2Onzn7P-0KulG20AM2lzbZh7xuoLHtYowsCVXUCW-FKKvHIK7a8axxAHgAfmn6ownhtEjr5COWcHWi28/s400/diddly.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If you drink something because a dude who wears sunglasses indoors says so, stop reading and kill yourself now</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
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However, if you’re truly one of those concerned about status
symbols and looking like a baller (But why the hell are you even reading <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i> advice site if you’re like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>?) there’s stuff like Kors Vodka.
I’m paraphrasing this from their website because their sentence structure &
syntax leads me to believe it wasn’t originally written in English: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“A top-guarded recipe (from a Czar and his
brother) that was once considered lost, water from the Italian Alps, diamond-filtered
distillation, hand selected grains from 12 countries, and gold distillation
tubes make Kors like nothing you have ever tasted. No wonder it is one of the
most sought after Vodka drinks on the Planet.”</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kors is quite simply the
most expensive vodka on the market. Pundits say the taste is superb and like nothing
you’ve ever tried before (something tells me it tastes like vodka) but it’s the
shape of the crystal bottle that makes people turn their heads when you have it
on the table. And after all, that’s why you spend half a year’s salary on a
bottle of booze; to be looked at like you’re special. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Half a year’s salary,
Wingman?</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Well, the Silver Edition, of which only 1250 bottles were
made, runs you $12,500. The Gold Edition of 750 bottles goes for $16,500 a
bottle. And if you’re really so rich you can wipe your ass with hundreds, the
24K George V Limited Edition of just 250 bottles runs you a mere $24,500 a
bottle. Digest THAT morsel a minute...For something that will be urine a couple hours after it passes your
lips. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieA4bTxe697t7tQy1l0go94bnPMJNzcOJoerCqO0H4N_oRSdboKKJNMTpsAC4Tr9_1wXQxTCI-x_K5uJAl6OaO-ycpPaiqkS8AkM8uzrrhuBhSPjI7xOV_25Ep91pvchJ5r1SxAgHJDcU/s1600/kors_vodka_bottle.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieA4bTxe697t7tQy1l0go94bnPMJNzcOJoerCqO0H4N_oRSdboKKJNMTpsAC4Tr9_1wXQxTCI-x_K5uJAl6OaO-ycpPaiqkS8AkM8uzrrhuBhSPjI7xOV_25Ep91pvchJ5r1SxAgHJDcU/s320/kors_vodka_bottle.png" width="191" /></a></div>
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Less expensive and only slightly less pretentious is elit,
the super high-end from Stolichnaya. Ordinarily, Stoli is a reasonably-priced
and quality vodka, but this is catering to that Hey Look At Me crowd. The
newest elit offering is the Himalayan Edition. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s distilled from untainted water collected
from a tank over 10,000 feet in the foothills of the Himalayas in Nepal’s
Langtang National Park, originating from snowmelt and naturally filtered
through layers of stone during its journey down the hill. The water is then
combined with the purest winter wheat from the Tambov Region of Russia. Limited
to just 300 bottles, it comes in hand-blown Bohemian Czech bottles, each sealed
with an attractive golden ice pick and supplied in a numbered, hand-carved
walnut case. And at just $3,000 a bottle it’s a steal. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYCpUQ2C4sY79d1Fm5oo42ZeIWAJ0Zt4KfMz1NXz9G0pfiZfOXEPUPbtaYZpFD5e6xi9uGHlLDcVBc4dorxeYjl8CZNLfbOrdEXjU0HcN7s9bYV9JS8AxN8z8Npx2pJ_3OJkCK8lcg-qo/s1600/elit-himalayan-edition-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYCpUQ2C4sY79d1Fm5oo42ZeIWAJ0Zt4KfMz1NXz9G0pfiZfOXEPUPbtaYZpFD5e6xi9uGHlLDcVBc4dorxeYjl8CZNLfbOrdEXjU0HcN7s9bYV9JS8AxN8z8Npx2pJ_3OJkCK8lcg-qo/s320/elit-himalayan-edition-3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Still too steep? Try Crystal Head vodka, the brain child of
none other than Dan Ackroyd, who wanted to drink a vodka made without any
additives like sugar, glycerol, or citrus oils.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A product of Newfoundland, Canada, Crystal Head is made with a variety
of corn called Peaches & Cream grown in Ontario and after distillation is
diluted with Newfoundland glacier water before being filtered seven times. Of
course, three of those times is through (of course) diamonds. Because why?
Because diamonds, that’s why. Actually, in Ackroyd’s case, the Herkimer
diamonds are supposed to impart magical healing qualities. The vodka gets its
name from the impressive skull bottle made in Milan by Bruni Glass. A 750 ml
bottle is a little more expensive than most of the decent brands but at about
45 bucks, it’s a hell of a lot better than 4 and 5 digits.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkb8novwVyd3rt2LSGco6qftd6ficCev0pqVHh3m63MFV0qVj_YHS9_dcxbS2IqJPwadgJPlhh5cSvOKvyHnBW04z2UKEaxxJVBW6uoEVmU2q509B3pKO5JdTlX9A1OctD9wCLbGrPNdg/s1600/Crystal-Skull-Vodka1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkb8novwVyd3rt2LSGco6qftd6ficCev0pqVHh3m63MFV0qVj_YHS9_dcxbS2IqJPwadgJPlhh5cSvOKvyHnBW04z2UKEaxxJVBW6uoEVmU2q509B3pKO5JdTlX9A1OctD9wCLbGrPNdg/s320/Crystal-Skull-Vodka1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Back down here amongst the commoners, you can get
outstanding vodkas without breaking the bank. One can never go wrong with the
products of Absolut, Smirnoff, and the aforementioned Stoli. One of the finest
vodkas I’ve ever tried is from, of all places, Ireland, distilled five times
and filtered through ten feet of Irish oak charcoal. I highly recommend Boru
vodka; I normally eschew sipping vodka neat and prefer mixers, but this was
smoother than smooth, without that characteristic burn of straight alcohol. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0j8XE7U9n-4m8v6iELB-R2Px-CS5NZcEa8nd8MA2hl7eLiAf2L1wlodn_cIu2d3_yA24-oGxhd5o5ox8IUNpHaTUEUpYlcVSriQXU2f96weV43JW9I9qWjVf28YYbafw6ZUF_DaFnOx8/s1600/Boru-Vodka.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0j8XE7U9n-4m8v6iELB-R2Px-CS5NZcEa8nd8MA2hl7eLiAf2L1wlodn_cIu2d3_yA24-oGxhd5o5ox8IUNpHaTUEUpYlcVSriQXU2f96weV43JW9I9qWjVf28YYbafw6ZUF_DaFnOx8/s320/Boru-Vodka.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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If flavored vodka is to your liking, there are a myriad of
flavors to choose from, almost an embarrassment of riches in the number of
varieties. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You name the fruit and
somebody has added it to vodka. Birthday cake? Yup. Whipped Cream? Cinnamon?
Vanilla? Chocolate? Yes, indeed. Chili Pepper? Why not. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikTRDgp3GbJbz1NUNEyYwxdtrB7OTmeK5TgRegDIq3ThMU4b02VoUZ3EvgDbhzw8S_c9MpjlDDziwWkncob4li_ElnJbAPZAE97TKj-qPwlOOmYSYFb9-fwZPYeTmBV940T_2E39O5njQ/s1600/Stolichnaya-worlds-largest-vodka-brands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="376" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikTRDgp3GbJbz1NUNEyYwxdtrB7OTmeK5TgRegDIq3ThMU4b02VoUZ3EvgDbhzw8S_c9MpjlDDziwWkncob4li_ElnJbAPZAE97TKj-qPwlOOmYSYFb9-fwZPYeTmBV940T_2E39O5njQ/s640/Stolichnaya-worlds-largest-vodka-brands.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Between Stoli and Absolut they cover damn near every flavor</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwuFnewe8oFjgO3hS-CpbKQtz3L7CuwFjddfz0gj8LsYZgVhJimGikTphDbPa7ZwRYmgamFU2V2eZsfS0YPMWK3mQRb8O7c7C-jqz2P3OWDmRHjUtO18-JHjFaM_ql4NizFsgrFnV4tVM/s1600/cukes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="392" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwuFnewe8oFjgO3hS-CpbKQtz3L7CuwFjddfz0gj8LsYZgVhJimGikTphDbPa7ZwRYmgamFU2V2eZsfS0YPMWK3mQRb8O7c7C-jqz2P3OWDmRHjUtO18-JHjFaM_ql4NizFsgrFnV4tVM/s640/cukes.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, cucumber vodka is quite the rage these days.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Locally here in South Carolina, Firefly has made a name for
itself with Sweet Tea vodka featuring tea from the Charleston Tea Plantation,
and has started making a vodka from native muscadine grapes at their distillery
on Wadamalaw Island.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfnvn6VEvzXwbKWnDU8UM2v594xEyU-SniJHZ1I6mJsGwULjKl_SqNHrcYE9riLwMdMeFtYfHaFvqxXR5TQIjz-IJfKNdhEyrTDKZMztZdPURW2qcWiRtvMtwgrnnNe_aMCSb0jQFIS-A/s1600/Irvin+House+and+Firefly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="370" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfnvn6VEvzXwbKWnDU8UM2v594xEyU-SniJHZ1I6mJsGwULjKl_SqNHrcYE9riLwMdMeFtYfHaFvqxXR5TQIjz-IJfKNdhEyrTDKZMztZdPURW2qcWiRtvMtwgrnnNe_aMCSb0jQFIS-A/s640/Irvin+House+and+Firefly.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Need something more exotic? There’s a rye-based vodka very
popular in Poland and Belarus flavored with bison grass, with a piece of the
grass in the bottle. Of course there’s bacon vodka. Why? I dunno; it’s bacon.
Does there ever really have to be a reason for bacon? </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDNowvMQhT_hl1ERJ93B1_RprSwgun6l4BXz_J1kT2uxnMgv75-eswEmVOJjD_3q5WkoFJkpqzI5qzksflcn6liZieKQsFSueKNyCylOq45zVV0hZ5HwDp-qCQ-mO28i5_Q9tJb7nv36M/s1600/zubrowka.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDNowvMQhT_hl1ERJ93B1_RprSwgun6l4BXz_J1kT2uxnMgv75-eswEmVOJjD_3q5WkoFJkpqzI5qzksflcn6liZieKQsFSueKNyCylOq45zVV0hZ5HwDp-qCQ-mO28i5_Q9tJb7nv36M/s400/zubrowka.jpg" width="285" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6sJJRqvILf9Zpk1Y0g8GfSvGPv5twEU0L3w3ZXmjBT0l0MgUGUbPtOEt4ey-1LxmoHOZ_v5P-qn4zz4mMPydOMYAHyFwjXdpnI2mT1pQISLlxktaxQvOzIMALh15PLGT9PJ2bKCWU6Rw/s1600/FLIKLA4GAA12RHX.LARGE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6sJJRqvILf9Zpk1Y0g8GfSvGPv5twEU0L3w3ZXmjBT0l0MgUGUbPtOEt4ey-1LxmoHOZ_v5P-qn4zz4mMPydOMYAHyFwjXdpnI2mT1pQISLlxktaxQvOzIMALh15PLGT9PJ2bKCWU6Rw/s400/FLIKLA4GAA12RHX.LARGE.jpg" width="388" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, with so many vodkas being virtually equal, some
distillers go out of their way with unsusual packaging to make theirs stand out
even from the ones previously discussed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW6K-stnSonfsk9usSZhooqqAlCjGHfZUy__QW98m9yrVs_qUZ5-JO5ebYRBQYgr61RwVysC6-bwUGmguTrAsAcfygmq38JnA8KT8clAS5Bba9o3V-E74GWRhsfrIvltFJglYyQaSGDkA/s1600/4_doublecross_b-copy-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW6K-stnSonfsk9usSZhooqqAlCjGHfZUy__QW98m9yrVs_qUZ5-JO5ebYRBQYgr61RwVysC6-bwUGmguTrAsAcfygmq38JnA8KT8clAS5Bba9o3V-E74GWRhsfrIvltFJglYyQaSGDkA/s400/4_doublecross_b-copy-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The flat rectangle approach</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lQOvAHd_AfoDmSTWLy9Qcu03bo8vMD_UoyuWGOyDFr-bE-sPFZosnJAFi2veq40INKXkcd2xqkO1GTBf6oAhL5FjBGr6vjcqvDhy1uO7NnnUYBmeRoDvxvP2JyQjXJPm9yIis_V8KYM/s1600/ABNormal+vodka+bottle+design.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lQOvAHd_AfoDmSTWLy9Qcu03bo8vMD_UoyuWGOyDFr-bE-sPFZosnJAFi2veq40INKXkcd2xqkO1GTBf6oAhL5FjBGr6vjcqvDhy1uO7NnnUYBmeRoDvxvP2JyQjXJPm9yIis_V8KYM/s320/ABNormal+vodka+bottle+design.jpg" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why not use a cylinder?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJRwvjcNVMkLAwS0mzEGwngbhfJtq5GrLG8xGsLdMcJ0s02B9ejOCvhc7V-W_BAm07h4GtviLsvmVJtHve0OU1tyn9LDRhYva532haUNdzJNX6U2OwQABRTEDcbLge_PUYJ01uTfr6oqk/s1600/AnestasiA-Vodka-Single-Bottle-Premium-Spirit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJRwvjcNVMkLAwS0mzEGwngbhfJtq5GrLG8xGsLdMcJ0s02B9ejOCvhc7V-W_BAm07h4GtviLsvmVJtHve0OU1tyn9LDRhYva532haUNdzJNX6U2OwQABRTEDcbLge_PUYJ01uTfr6oqk/s320/AnestasiA-Vodka-Single-Bottle-Premium-Spirit.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bottle itself is artwork</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn4CdADaeNym2lUyIRw8sREtju7hyphenhyphenxWlpwt-MkWWKr-nzbbXetwqx04NkMXQGT3oqQQBHE_XXZ6Te7qSlfbAXEpqCoy-OiIgb8gMgZ9UgAJZFFHXum1glhJM1BZ2uXQ7yLpncKWQULuiU/s1600/firewood2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn4CdADaeNym2lUyIRw8sREtju7hyphenhyphenxWlpwt-MkWWKr-nzbbXetwqx04NkMXQGT3oqQQBHE_XXZ6Te7qSlfbAXEpqCoy-OiIgb8gMgZ9UgAJZFFHXum1glhJM1BZ2uXQ7yLpncKWQULuiU/s320/firewood2.jpg" width="208" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The clever vodka log</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfnwosTNMxRHqGe1yPRNv2BKMTl24eXwbRl8Rr1AwxBrAIQupckbMA45F3sPpXTUNG6W_dIPGtkS68FT3l_mU7ajXuNgNCZkDlnMq6okAOnLCbhMeQfiol8CHRQpaXeq7alKIwaSJkFNI/s1600/DLUX.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfnwosTNMxRHqGe1yPRNv2BKMTl24eXwbRl8Rr1AwxBrAIQupckbMA45F3sPpXTUNG6W_dIPGtkS68FT3l_mU7ajXuNgNCZkDlnMq6okAOnLCbhMeQfiol8CHRQpaXeq7alKIwaSJkFNI/s320/DLUX.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The cap unscrews to become a shotglass in this Scottish vodka</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxmRKSxqJUYA1LC8KYZzr-c4m1dQ-cP002tFvERmRI9SJLPwdoi_rxHCU_1zhTxxI97EWHd93iG2y-GNOVJ_nk9ecwL4cwSLK-dvk1oRBK2wqK0isvkyWkuyPCtEcJAob2f96Gee2L69c/s1600/Picture+68.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxmRKSxqJUYA1LC8KYZzr-c4m1dQ-cP002tFvERmRI9SJLPwdoi_rxHCU_1zhTxxI97EWHd93iG2y-GNOVJ_nk9ecwL4cwSLK-dvk1oRBK2wqK0isvkyWkuyPCtEcJAob2f96Gee2L69c/s320/Picture+68.png" width="253" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ed Hardy will fucking put a tattoo drawing on anything.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aIlskJaWKFtJeYvdOyY5KFVqmv52cxOnVc9TuPhYgdWAPfwZPKD6WJHr9Xu6Ejf4_05Ly2HU7N94QkID5XndsibFqJ9_gSGGncQuLc6DtU0yYZpM7JhRycbTzumNG-lP0i796A968Ac/s1600/1305279417890.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_aIlskJaWKFtJeYvdOyY5KFVqmv52cxOnVc9TuPhYgdWAPfwZPKD6WJHr9Xu6Ejf4_05Ly2HU7N94QkID5XndsibFqJ9_gSGGncQuLc6DtU0yYZpM7JhRycbTzumNG-lP0i796A968Ac/s640/1305279417890.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1044tPqI2P4QXY90jb4Vj8vCISyZeGrhFUqkiAomRSLisLexZUn1crrWN8fLFBIpVFNKxa6-bUG-TlxhgCHdcG-cNi7SVgsCEIjgNXfpf0lgyQUkZ91SaOQ_n4Zs2YNSr-cYOPuME6Mc/s1600/%25D0%25BA%25D1%2580%25D0%25B0%25D1%2581%25D0%25BD%25D0%25B0%25D1%258F_%25D0%25B0%25D1%2580%25D0%25BC%25D0%25B8%25D1%258F_%25D0%25BF%25D1%2583.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1044tPqI2P4QXY90jb4Vj8vCISyZeGrhFUqkiAomRSLisLexZUn1crrWN8fLFBIpVFNKxa6-bUG-TlxhgCHdcG-cNi7SVgsCEIjgNXfpf0lgyQUkZ91SaOQ_n4Zs2YNSr-cYOPuME6Mc/s320/%25D0%25BA%25D1%2580%25D0%25B0%25D1%2581%25D0%25BD%25D0%25B0%25D1%258F_%25D0%25B0%25D1%2580%25D0%25BC%25D0%25B8%25D1%258F_%25D0%25BF%25D1%2583.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The artillery shell in an ammo box, with shotglasses</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But Wingman, whatever
shall we do with all this great and grand supply of vodka out there?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, young tadpoles, the number of cocktails made with vodka
rivals the number of dollars in the federal defecit. Here are but a few to get
you started.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7E9ikmN9R9LOgGL24ivN7dsLoJiduhngfDaQit-bEmW6i3kG79fZQ3zCs5WFN9_BKcNovPg-86YmPaYRzRINI-prytnZyWbGPCzUrtQjz_sJIEW1nehOdN5dSk7yuPp16-wBtMHc_L0Y/s1600/blue-martini.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7E9ikmN9R9LOgGL24ivN7dsLoJiduhngfDaQit-bEmW6i3kG79fZQ3zCs5WFN9_BKcNovPg-86YmPaYRzRINI-prytnZyWbGPCzUrtQjz_sJIEW1nehOdN5dSk7yuPp16-wBtMHc_L0Y/s320/blue-martini.jpg" width="258" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>The Classic Vodka Martini</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 ounces vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3/4 ounce dry vermouth</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 dashes bitters (optional)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lemon twist or 3 olives for garnish</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shake well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon
twist or olives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, there are umpteen million variations on the martini.
Most of these start with a sweet flavor and end with –tini, like the appletini,
pomtini, or chocolatini. Not all of these are “chick drinks”, mind you, and
many serve as a nice dessert cocktail. Mostly though, they work as a great
refresher on a hot summer night.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>The Ultimate Pear Martini</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce pear vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce pear nectar</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1/2 ounce fresh lime juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1/4 ounce agave
nectar</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pour all ingredients into a mixing glass. Add ice and shake
for 10 seconds. Strain into a chilled martini glass and garnish with a Chilean
baby Pear.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVsQPL0z7fhN3NzQzeQSfsSiQAxU3hxGHflkbESX02TVR2XT9cjodSXGvsKz89A4YwLAjYYm45VG_FPpr6jEkWOF6rkP2QZKAhVuPb00qE6nYIzAC0Z9LvH_kuqpaV1AFufvMbDpHMbl0/s1600/peter+carbonaro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVsQPL0z7fhN3NzQzeQSfsSiQAxU3hxGHflkbESX02TVR2XT9cjodSXGvsKz89A4YwLAjYYm45VG_FPpr6jEkWOF6rkP2QZKAhVuPb00qE6nYIzAC0Z9LvH_kuqpaV1AFufvMbDpHMbl0/s640/peter+carbonaro.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is my buddy Peter, who will be adding some articles here in the future, rocking a pear martini in NYC.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another classic vodka cocktail is the Screwdriver, along
with its cousins the Greyhound/Salty Dog, and Cape Codder. Vodka and orange
juice, grapefruit juice, and cranberry juice. Your Wingman is quite partial to
vodka and cran. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>Main Squeeze Cocktail (based on the classic Screwdriver)</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 ounces Orange Vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1/2 ounce Triple sec</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 ounces Fresh orange juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Club soda</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add all the ingredients except the club soda to a tall glass
and fill with ice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fill with club soda
and stir. Garnish with an orange wheel</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvTBxtFUGWOmr0XiMOO0EFsZxJODXnS2FILMjJO3X0mLPsMbdmgMSWkBc7IsWTS7Hc7CeGHCTTEushyDJN4E5AU_y98pBThzfsjT6op-Xa2bZYFbd2CoyHkIHoqFs16GDKkbMaXiAj38/s1600/main-squeeze.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvTBxtFUGWOmr0XiMOO0EFsZxJODXnS2FILMjJO3X0mLPsMbdmgMSWkBc7IsWTS7Hc7CeGHCTTEushyDJN4E5AU_y98pBThzfsjT6op-Xa2bZYFbd2CoyHkIHoqFs16GDKkbMaXiAj38/s320/main-squeeze.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since your Wingman operates out of the state of South
Carolina, I feel the need to add a couple recipes from my local distillery. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>Blueberry Firefly </u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce Firefly Sweet Tea vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 ounces blueberry simple syrup (recipe below)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Freshly-brewed sweet tea, and not that powdered shit, either.
Keep it real.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2-4 fresh mint leaves</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Make blueberry simple syrup by bringing one cup of water and
one cup of sugar to a boil over medium high heat. Add a 1/2 cup of blueberries
(fresh or frozen) until they are soft. Use a spoon to mash them a bit. Strain
out the blueberries and discard. Or save them for a smoothie.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once the simple syrup is cool, mix the syrup and vodka over
ice in a highball glass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fill the rest
of the glass with sweet tea and garnish with mint leaves.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTmOcue3f8MjvkE4aPDffMmZV1P9cA1tBZ_j2c2oJHEuX1IcmnHY03kSTY_bZ-Gg9XIsAFQJ_wMgS3siTF4ta_jJNAXUxAVuk1hVR6Ciw4hkV41V3fOc2rIUB1dYqjnOQaz8v4AUQbnOM/s1600/blueberry+firefly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="408" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTmOcue3f8MjvkE4aPDffMmZV1P9cA1tBZ_j2c2oJHEuX1IcmnHY03kSTY_bZ-Gg9XIsAFQJ_wMgS3siTF4ta_jJNAXUxAVuk1hVR6Ciw4hkV41V3fOc2rIUB1dYqjnOQaz8v4AUQbnOM/s640/blueberry+firefly.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>Firefly Cider</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 1/2 ounces Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 ½ ounces Fireball Cinnamon Whisky</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce Apple liqueur (I highly recommend Berentzen
Apfelkorn)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Splash of soda</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mix over ice in a highball glass and stir. Garnish with an
apple slice if desired.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="text-decoration: none;"></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>Harvest Highball </u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ½ ounces lemon vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
½ ounce lime juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
½ ounce simple syrup</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 ounces ginger beer</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add all the ingredients except the ginger beer to a shaker
and fill with ice. Shake well and strain into a highball glass filled with
fresh ice. Top with the ginger beer and garnish with a lime wedge.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTu8Jxk9NDoeMkGAbPuWfvAwKSMc0lLZy5TzXo6wxiJ-SBE8Oh7vVOK5IYlHEexBQHBmrLOdNSHmOf2pflI5RlrgWJ0dMB8P5R1HXBQmiTGNWw_2NB2Rh4986XmZEcboD0qS_rEm-78iQ/s1600/harvest-highball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTu8Jxk9NDoeMkGAbPuWfvAwKSMc0lLZy5TzXo6wxiJ-SBE8Oh7vVOK5IYlHEexBQHBmrLOdNSHmOf2pflI5RlrgWJ0dMB8P5R1HXBQmiTGNWw_2NB2Rh4986XmZEcboD0qS_rEm-78iQ/s400/harvest-highball.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>Cucumber Mojito</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 ounces cucumber vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce fresh lime juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 tsp sugar</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
6 mint leaves</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Muddle mint leaves, sugar, and lime juice in a Collins glass.
Fill with ice and add vodka. Top off with soda water. Stir lightly and garnish
with a cucumber wedge.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaYQ3B3BlbL44DeW0pITIcrYIsEYs2nFaFZ002iKPifA5PlYfqEaZ1X2hEvM9wUcMCKOnWaRNUc3IX1sg_S18eq01OL7iSXtZiIWFkLaF_-kyBoNcSTzJIvhqv558eejfFF7F64VnrOEc/s1600/cuke+mojito.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaYQ3B3BlbL44DeW0pITIcrYIsEYs2nFaFZ002iKPifA5PlYfqEaZ1X2hEvM9wUcMCKOnWaRNUc3IX1sg_S18eq01OL7iSXtZiIWFkLaF_-kyBoNcSTzJIvhqv558eejfFF7F64VnrOEc/s400/cuke+mojito.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>The Cosmopolitan</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1/2 ounce lemon vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce triple sec</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
½ ounce fresh lime juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 dash cranberry juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add all the ingredients to a shaker and fill with ice. Shake,
and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Garnish with a lime wedge.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhufAWZklB3YaomDjhtdz0OWe8iycr_DpjPqR9jMcTWSgf0BOr06c7ge4crZuIhPoRLuclqmLvaU84K2ozxG0k0CQQVE2sFvy4nWaTSIHE0utkFJrM6wdzahzugOuhu0zKK2rgRTa7eaVQ/s1600/cosmopolitain2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhufAWZklB3YaomDjhtdz0OWe8iycr_DpjPqR9jMcTWSgf0BOr06c7ge4crZuIhPoRLuclqmLvaU84K2ozxG0k0CQQVE2sFvy4nWaTSIHE0utkFJrM6wdzahzugOuhu0zKK2rgRTa7eaVQ/s400/cosmopolitain2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And since everything in the universe seems to revolve around
bacon…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>The Shrimp and Bacon Bloody Mary</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1½ oz. Bacon Vodka in a pint glass filled with ice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fill glass with tomato juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 dash each of celery salt and ground black pepper</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2-4 dashes each of Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Shake and pour into an Old Bay-rimmed (optional) glass.
Garnish with a celery stalk, a slice of thick-cut crispy bacon, and a chilled
shrimp.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrMVtiQhMqCtZyVEO-8fXPhmzT56TKgvOwt_rWZTeYpXi-N_PTR81cpUgGkYbgQPQcBe6K5ws1-ykZoRw2Qu_RazdbyKvrUKGrlW-qclOPqEHo_8zzRay1M74IfYkAhhUnxJLyJQf6gm4/s1600/bloodie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrMVtiQhMqCtZyVEO-8fXPhmzT56TKgvOwt_rWZTeYpXi-N_PTR81cpUgGkYbgQPQcBe6K5ws1-ykZoRw2Qu_RazdbyKvrUKGrlW-qclOPqEHo_8zzRay1M74IfYkAhhUnxJLyJQf6gm4/s640/bloodie.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So there you go, my legions. Now you're all vodka experts. Go forth and experience the Little Water, and do it responsibly. Who's got your back? I do.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-11869627760702312712015-05-04T20:59:00.000-04:002015-05-04T21:02:04.873-04:00Know Your Poisons: Tequila <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHrNSgmsXmHqaUAhvuHuisSpany4Pb0A_Rjxm-4CCrlGNtcTFtIkEUeiWSsPWGo3qVsBlbnQl-roBp16W6dD4zfn4PO-4Y9fybt7CzKGUhkwE0UkqTxJfA9khKcdQX9lFtgHQH5TbVOBk/s1600/tequilas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHrNSgmsXmHqaUAhvuHuisSpany4Pb0A_Rjxm-4CCrlGNtcTFtIkEUeiWSsPWGo3qVsBlbnQl-roBp16W6dD4zfn4PO-4Y9fybt7CzKGUhkwE0UkqTxJfA9khKcdQX9lFtgHQH5TbVOBk/s640/tequilas.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Drunken Taco in Ft. Lauderdale features over 250 tequilas. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Sixty five kilometers northwest of Guadalajara in the
Mexican state of Jalisco is the town that lends its name to the liquor that was
born there. To some, the very mention of the word tequila brings to mind revels
and parties. To others, it’s a blank, black hole where memories used to be. For
me, it just makes me shudder. When your Wingman was a younger pup like some of
you, he imbibed of too much cheap tequila in the Army during reveries and
debaucheries, and now the mere smell of the stuff causes me very soul to twitch.
That said, don’t let my past experiences dissuade you from enjoying tequila if
that’s your poison of choice.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQt2CvUxGJ5rG9AqPyD7lMuDON3wSXC-_cHZVjB1p0QM2W0RYQpc1chSkFnZV0ecGKmSTOjt6sMbCEJrJOZ9uttofeh9yVBPLl42SRM7skpPI_HnfX91IwMeSeON-sc6A1tFgsRNTQq48/s1600/teek.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQt2CvUxGJ5rG9AqPyD7lMuDON3wSXC-_cHZVjB1p0QM2W0RYQpc1chSkFnZV0ecGKmSTOjt6sMbCEJrJOZ9uttofeh9yVBPLl42SRM7skpPI_HnfX91IwMeSeON-sc6A1tFgsRNTQq48/s400/teek.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Tequila is often confused and misunderstood. Many people
think tequila is made from a cactus. This is a myth. Rather than being
distilled from grain, tequila is the distilled product of the Weber Blue Agave,
a plant related to the lily and amaryllis. While it grows in a cactus-like
environment, it is not a cactus. The blue agave has a life-span of 7-15 years,
stands over 6 feet tall, and has a diameter of 6 to 12 feet.<br />
<br />
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Long before the arrival of Conquistadors with their lust for
gold, Christian God, and syphilis, the natives were making a fermented beverage
called "<i>pulque</i>". This vitamin-rich drink was made from fermented sap
extracted from the heart of the Maguey plant (one of numerous varieties of
agave). In addition to making pulque, the natives made clothing, rope, mats and
paper from the long fibers of the maguey leaves. The sharp tips of the leaves
were used as tacks or needles for sewing clothing. The maguey, one of Mexico's
most sacred plants, had a prominent place in religious ceremonies and rituals. Kinda
sounds like hemp and cannabis. The transformation of pulque to something
stronger occurred in the 1500s when the Spaniards introduced the distillation
process to the region. Killing natives to take their gold is thirsty work,as is subjegating entire cultures and forcing them to discard their culture to adopt your religion. So,
when the Spanish ran out of their own brandy, they began to distill this agave
drink to produce North America's first indigenous distilled spirit. Pulque was
distilled to make mezcal wine, also known as agave wine. This product continued
to evolve into what we now call tequila.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another source of confusion is the difference between Mezcal
and Tequila. Mezcal is generally any distilled beverage made from the maguey
(agave) family of plants. As such, tequila is technically a type of mezcal, but
mezcal is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> a type of tequila. They
are considered two distinct products. Mezcal is made from over two dozen agave
species including Tobala and Espadin. Mezcal <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can </i>be produced from the Weber Blue Agave, although this variety is
primarily used for making tequila. The traditional production process is also
different. For mezcal, the agave hearts are baked in rock-lined underground
pits, covered with fiber mats and earth. This technique gives mezcal a smokier
flavor. Mezcal generally has about the same 38-40% alcohol content as tequila
but has a stronger bite than tequila, and as a result is less popular.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoQVFg8susZVNKLVjG6CSBZRaYKL7ven0W936lHmDgrzziK844bOY7J_haoGHzUgaoVHX2xsVyLPhSnll_AJENhB3OB7dmprHcsglRVpOKHf13yE-NqSU_9ZUpQF9Gad_jLmlgKwVMWo/s1600/img_9764.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="464" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtoQVFg8susZVNKLVjG6CSBZRaYKL7ven0W936lHmDgrzziK844bOY7J_haoGHzUgaoVHX2xsVyLPhSnll_AJENhB3OB7dmprHcsglRVpOKHf13yE-NqSU_9ZUpQF9Gad_jLmlgKwVMWo/s640/img_9764.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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The agave plant matures for up to twelve years under very careful cultivation before being
harvested for production. More on that later. The harvester, called a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jimador</i>, removes the agave leaves with a sharp curved tool called a
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Coa.</i> He trims the over 200 leaves
that protect the heart of the agave, called the piña (as in pineapple), until
the whole heart is extracted from the ground. Only the heart, or “piña,” of the
agave plant is used to make tequila.<br />
<br />
Mature piñas weigh in between eighty and
three hundred pounds; however, the size of the agave heart is not nearly as
important as its sugar content. The older the agave, the longer the piña will
have to accumulate the starches that will convert into fermentable sugars.
Approximately 15 pounds of agave piñas are required to produce a bottle of
tequila.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO6nx4Clt44XswZk8rxJS0GZDFNQ4RNJ8xnYfWyDt8_-VOcfGXDXbNx4PDW-mMCuYUqyO4EnneliKsmy4qP2Lo-mu_dF34LOTDOcir10Tx9qjAGnrRbmR5bVXZZ-BBjoaJ2QbAYs7jZX0/s1600/agave_04-1024x768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO6nx4Clt44XswZk8rxJS0GZDFNQ4RNJ8xnYfWyDt8_-VOcfGXDXbNx4PDW-mMCuYUqyO4EnneliKsmy4qP2Lo-mu_dF34LOTDOcir10Tx9qjAGnrRbmR5bVXZZ-BBjoaJ2QbAYs7jZX0/s640/agave_04-1024x768.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhom_qYGDeoHvcD7CHao89awiMytRbJkBoGkB-HVcNyaDwb5kS5BL6mZXOaGKy8vwCdJAW2XTfVRT6HAVHmw_iNzrfQMvwUQuYLPFm3To6XywGTO3BVTvVCB1pvkkLQYOE5gm02kFTM5s4/s1600/agave-jima.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="422" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhom_qYGDeoHvcD7CHao89awiMytRbJkBoGkB-HVcNyaDwb5kS5BL6mZXOaGKy8vwCdJAW2XTfVRT6HAVHmw_iNzrfQMvwUQuYLPFm3To6XywGTO3BVTvVCB1pvkkLQYOE5gm02kFTM5s4/s640/agave-jima.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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After harvesting, the piñas then enter the cooking phase,
where steam injection within traditional brick ovens (or stainless steel autoclaves
in modern mega-distilleries) is used to activate a chemical process within the
piña that converts complex carbohydrates into simple fermentable sugars.
Cooking also softens the piña, making the process of sugar extraction easier. Once
cooked, the agave heads are transported to a milling area for sugar extraction.
The cooked piñas are crushed in order to release the juice, or “aguamiel,” that
will be fermented and distilled. The traditional method is to crush the piñas
with a “tahona,” a giant grinding wheel operated by mules, oxen or tractors
within a circular pit. Modern distilleries now use a mechanical crusher to
separate the fiber from the juices. Once the piñas are crushed they are rinsed
with water and strained to remove the juices that will be fermented.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLB7aH1s3okN4RRZy1wF59Ajx0iaCb9KKNbRbuTN6MiL1O1tnWI9FBjxtjIgn_I2jOOQ-0EUHdsaHQNX6Uaux_PRqpFUWr_NFAayxaJpL3rKe6Mk0VdUuTImqyLl8gEOl_u-85nQrIKVA/s1600/5205019906_94f71774bd_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLB7aH1s3okN4RRZy1wF59Ajx0iaCb9KKNbRbuTN6MiL1O1tnWI9FBjxtjIgn_I2jOOQ-0EUHdsaHQNX6Uaux_PRqpFUWr_NFAayxaJpL3rKe6Mk0VdUuTImqyLl8gEOl_u-85nQrIKVA/s640/5205019906_94f71774bd_z.jpg" width="640" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsLmLDdxAICV0Sz5xPNm1d3d34tgxGifd8YqNmOcmN0txFnruUlAJQzUYNlCrbZZWKcIORvHNZrjhb6HLfCSSWiE2UelVHZBaR0aeFJ7xdR8-k_F3vMbVhOidfq43NO7C6zYQlCDMHPeU/s1600/Tahona-Tequila-Patron.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="428" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsLmLDdxAICV0Sz5xPNm1d3d34tgxGifd8YqNmOcmN0txFnruUlAJQzUYNlCrbZZWKcIORvHNZrjhb6HLfCSSWiE2UelVHZBaR0aeFJ7xdR8-k_F3vMbVhOidfq43NO7C6zYQlCDMHPeU/s640/Tahona-Tequila-Patron.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXgXOerD9QCQxYz45usrvSwtScpXfgghwdO9Ua0oRd2la-UdMmBVOV0XDRjQDcAAuS21928RuJwrFoNKsEk1I_LOPwpwZLHzqPZ71BRHNX45FSpsB9ya-DUn_i8UlHykJ4awY_eDwKgzM/s1600/agave-pineapples-and-ovens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="382" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXgXOerD9QCQxYz45usrvSwtScpXfgghwdO9Ua0oRd2la-UdMmBVOV0XDRjQDcAAuS21928RuJwrFoNKsEk1I_LOPwpwZLHzqPZ71BRHNX45FSpsB9ya-DUn_i8UlHykJ4awY_eDwKgzM/s640/agave-pineapples-and-ovens.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYZHcqXuZwT36VIRqBceONu44u7ilM5ebDYX58lGktQPwsfdhAM9kL9ZjJ0zkM01V55ijr8rL0LLIKJSdnYJpPsO_XjT2ouAj3vd1n10sXCRNJ39znNO5fmTnitiW_CkdsLzpWktzp1ac/s1600/Tequila_oven.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYZHcqXuZwT36VIRqBceONu44u7ilM5ebDYX58lGktQPwsfdhAM9kL9ZjJ0zkM01V55ijr8rL0LLIKJSdnYJpPsO_XjT2ouAj3vd1n10sXCRNJ39znNO5fmTnitiW_CkdsLzpWktzp1ac/s640/Tequila_oven.jpg" width="484" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
During fermentation the sugars are transformed into alcohol
within large wooden vats or stainless steel tanks, depending on the distillery;
yeast may be added to accelerate and control the fermentation. Traditionally,
the yeast that grows naturally on the agave leaves is used but today many
distilleries use a cultivated form of wild yeast. The fermentation phase of
production typically takes seven to twelve days, depending on the method used.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqj9vnWPEkWcgeTe38JKBxay21LX8o6e4xI8QE7h2mnhHD3CuHMI1FmRLIWznnZKuqLlFH-JH4fjm8MT0sAoLaKhcuieuf67iIBaCrY1v7uv1yD7fSul3HKUKWngEE-7xgI9EDgg0kNQ/s1600/fermentation+yum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqj9vnWPEkWcgeTe38JKBxay21LX8o6e4xI8QE7h2mnhHD3CuHMI1FmRLIWznnZKuqLlFH-JH4fjm8MT0sAoLaKhcuieuf67iIBaCrY1v7uv1yD7fSul3HKUKWngEE-7xgI9EDgg0kNQ/s640/fermentation+yum.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the fermentation has occurred the actual distillation
begins. Again, depending on the size and scale of the distillery, ferments are
separated by heat and steam pressure within stainless steel pot stills or column
distillation towers. While some tequilas are distilled three times, the
majority are only distilled twice. The first distillation, also known as
“deztrozamiento” or “smashing,” takes a couple hours and yields a liquid with
an alcohol level of about 20% known as “ordinario.” The second distillation,
known as “rectification,” takes three to four hours and yields a liquid with an
alcohol level near 55%. After the second distillation the tequila is considered
silver, or “blanco,” tequila. Now comes the aging…<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Almost all containers used in tequila aging are French or
American white oak barrels that have previously been used to age bourbon
whiskey. “Reposados” (which means “rested”) are aged between two and twelve
months, “Añejos” (which means “old”) are aged between one and three years, and “Extra
Añejos” are aged for over three years. The longer the tequila ages, the more
color and tannins the final product will have. The condition of the barrels
(such as their age, previous use and if their interiors have been charred) will
also affect the tequila’s taste. After the appropriate amount of time, the
finished tequila is then bottled.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU8lWZGDaWu4GDYGMA9hPA_K3OzO-YBJhD5_j1wbPyJqw68Eccs3fiSGYY7U2foIYYgh1bLEP5jWpVQzWeFedcACKunmx35TViEVgnErReKTfk34HOxumsz_Sg64OSjg_lAepDCzaHyo0/s1600/oak-aging-barrels_2027_r2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU8lWZGDaWu4GDYGMA9hPA_K3OzO-YBJhD5_j1wbPyJqw68Eccs3fiSGYY7U2foIYYgh1bLEP5jWpVQzWeFedcACKunmx35TViEVgnErReKTfk34HOxumsz_Sg64OSjg_lAepDCzaHyo0/s640/oak-aging-barrels_2027_r2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
It is very important to note, however, that tequila isn’t
really lengthily aged, <i>per se</i>, the way whiskies are aged to develop the flavors
and take the harsh biting edge off. And with whiskies, the older the age in the
cask before bottling the greater the prestige; not so with tequila. In fact,
one could say tequila ages on the vine in the plant, and not the barrel. While
some tequila is indeed aged in barrels to become<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>reposados and añejos, the time to maturation
is short; allowing tequila to age longer than four years could deteriorate the
quality of the spirit. Barrel-aging tequila for more than four years would
diminish the product; it loses some of its agave qualities
and takes on more of the bourbon qualities from the cask in which it’s aged.
So, technically, it doesn’t go <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bad</i>,
but you end up with something closer to whiskey than tequila.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, in essence, once you open a bottle of tequila, you best
be in the mood to drink it. As a general rule, experts say you have one to two
months before oxidization and evaporation diminish the quality of the tequila
and destroys the agave profile.<br />
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The blue agave plant takes 8 to 12 years to mature, at which
time the piña is harvested. The harvested piña typically weighs a good 110 to 180
pounds on average and will produce one case (12 bottles) of tequila. As I said earlier, it can take a good 15 pounds of agave to make a single bottle. Timing is crucial
when harvesting the blue agave, which is why it’s said that the aging is done
in the plant. After waiting a decade or so for the plant to mature, you know
you’re getting close when the leaves are between five and eight feet tall, the
plant’s diameter is 6 to 12 feet and the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">quiote</i>
(stem) shoots up from the center of the plant. As soon as the quiote shoots up, it’s removed (and
harvesting isn’t far behind) because it will reduce the amount of sugar in the piña,
which would make it unusable for the tequila-making process.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ever hear the term Appelation of Origin? An appellation is a
geographical name (as of a region, village, or vineyard) under which a
winegrower is authorized to identify and market wine; also :<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the area designated by such a name appellation.
This is how Burgundy wine is called Burgundy, from that region of France. And
while sparkling wine is made in many different places, only those made in the
Champagne region of France may call themselves Champagne. And only single-malt
whisky (without the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">e</i>) can be called
Scotch. More on that when we get to whiskies.<br />
<br />
Like champagne, tequila is
assigned an Appelation of Origin status, which limits production to five
Mexican states: Guanajuato, Jalisco, Michoacán, Nayarit, and Tamaulipas. The
state of Jalisco is the center of Tequila production.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is the only state that as a whole has the
status of Appellation of Origin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
considered the place where tequila was first made and where the standards are
defined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other states are only
permitted to grow Blue Agave in small and defined regions. All 100% agave
tequilas must be bottled in the designated Mexican regions and must bear on
their labels “Hecho en Mexico / Made in Mexico.” Non-100% agave tequila, or
“<i>mixtos</i>,” can be sold and bottled anywhere throughout the world. US
regulations, on the other hand, allow it to be called tequila even if contains
as much as 49 percent other liquids, commonly sugar-based alcohols. That means
if you drink it, you’re mixing alcohols. Many experts say that’s what gives
tequila its bad reputation and congeners that lead to nasty hangovers. So, if
you’re gonna drink tequila, stick to 100% agave tequila.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like I alluded to at the beginning, tequila has a bad
reputation and it’s because we’ve all been there, lured by its ritualistic
methods of consumption and its promise to take us to a higher level of (un)consciousness,
but in the end we’re left with a vague recollection of the night’s proceedings,
wondering who’s in the bed beside us and what disease we may have just
inherited, paste-mouthed and crusty-eyed, sometimes with a crudely-inked tattoo.
In my case, it was just the vague recollections, paste mouth, and crusty eyes
thankfully, and nauseating acid reflux.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaYZMqR_RzWE3AlxU-3Es7nZfHiIIcFIU_abOcspGahzzW46VTtP7tQ1OikfXZCQsAgrSvrVum8jOO4b8u9PkPZ3uiyAbmmGJhAzUL1ebsxyXc7m9PWNFr4ralvGqoxGF0N0NFcGsWhKU/s1600/well-played-tequila1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaYZMqR_RzWE3AlxU-3Es7nZfHiIIcFIU_abOcspGahzzW46VTtP7tQ1OikfXZCQsAgrSvrVum8jOO4b8u9PkPZ3uiyAbmmGJhAzUL1ebsxyXc7m9PWNFr4ralvGqoxGF0N0NFcGsWhKU/s640/well-played-tequila1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another well-known tequila myth is that it has a worm in the
bottle. There is no worm in tequila bottled in Mexico. There is sometimes a
worm in bottles of mezcal, but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
tequila. When a worm is included in a bottle of mezcal, it is known as "<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">con gusano</i>" (with worm). The
"worm" is usually the larva of one of two kinds of insects, either a
red worm ("<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gusano rojo</i>") or
a maguey worm ("<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">chinicuil</i>"),
the caterpillar of the Hypopta agavis moth.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmdClOuoyiQxGffXeWmMZSsf6mvXJsJKUrFvw2pt8W8hGtGQ1QyVdK4htNFljqKJKuHRP-jbvHnyrqB89hbucjs9x7NYYUinQhaSWVun3X9sv4MoxdbFWsD_JTzJ_hdX0fFL6ZHapuDHI/s1600/worm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmdClOuoyiQxGffXeWmMZSsf6mvXJsJKUrFvw2pt8W8hGtGQ1QyVdK4htNFljqKJKuHRP-jbvHnyrqB89hbucjs9x7NYYUinQhaSWVun3X9sv4MoxdbFWsD_JTzJ_hdX0fFL6ZHapuDHI/s640/worm.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mezcal, now with Protein!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The worm is a marketing ploy, as it has lost its nutrients
inside the bottle. If you do find a worm in a bottle of mezcal, you can drink
it without worry as the alcohol has thoroughly sanitized it. Although consuming
the worm won't result in any special aphrodisiac powers or hallucinogenic
effects, some find it somewhat spiritual and imaginative. I call shenanigans. Most people just do
it because, like a dumbass, they think it looks cool. Or, if your penis is
exceptionally small and you want to impress your frat buddies and strap-hanger
bar bimbos, there’s always mezcal with a dead scorpion in it. Because eating a
dead, alcohol-saturated arachnoid <i>always</i> brings the wimminz...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPLQaimmxi7or72JVA3Q9Y3E82F3TPw0R5H5X0wyPyn4sWVBIHIXzzt04wTPSU6R3bnuaNTe_hX2_XUC5NZcqJepAosCtLz2-B6xpBWNLVd8LaBFz14QgOB-AuMZ-gxh_oVxXC6oEQTS4/s1600/scorpion.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPLQaimmxi7or72JVA3Q9Y3E82F3TPw0R5H5X0wyPyn4sWVBIHIXzzt04wTPSU6R3bnuaNTe_hX2_XUC5NZcqJepAosCtLz2-B6xpBWNLVd8LaBFz14QgOB-AuMZ-gxh_oVxXC6oEQTS4/s640/scorpion.png" width="522" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the most cliché images of tequila is that of the
shooter. We’ve been brought up to believe that tequila is only worth drinking
as a shot, with salt and lemon. Quality agave tequila can, and actually should,
be sipped straight like a good bourbon or Scotch, in addition to being in
cocktails, and by cocktails I mean something other than a margarita. Granted,
the margarita is one of the most popular cocktails in the known universe, but
dude, expand your horizons a bit. While the Wingman himself does not imbibe of
the Pride of Jalisco, feel free to explore your agave options.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRT1eK77-rj58_y7PVVqFXn5__2kzzM7uYpIIimdURAWxKuB4bQ8p8qqDVeDlPfhXSru617HVBs9WpyTx85eVJwhyDOd6MEBF6FoXDlplAaJokhroEvG5nSxgxXMq7CNOWS2U67CRdyBM/s1600/tequila-so-much-more-than-a-one-trick-party-pony.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="384" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRT1eK77-rj58_y7PVVqFXn5__2kzzM7uYpIIimdURAWxKuB4bQ8p8qqDVeDlPfhXSru617HVBs9WpyTx85eVJwhyDOd6MEBF6FoXDlplAaJokhroEvG5nSxgxXMq7CNOWS2U67CRdyBM/s640/tequila-so-much-more-than-a-one-trick-party-pony.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tequilas from Jalisco are generally divided into lowlands
tequilas and highlands tequilas. The village of Tequila itself sits in the
lowlands, in the valleys formed by ancient volcanos. Though no longer active,
the volcanic soil produces tequilas that are more herbaceous, spicy, and
earthy. The highlands region (also called Los Altos) has iron-rich red clay
soil that it gets more rain and has cooler nights; agave grown there yield tequilas that are
richer in minerality and have more floral notes. Sipping a quality tequila can expand your palate a bit, don'tcha know...<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other cliché, popularized in rap songs and HBO shows, is
that tequila is only good if it’s expensive. That’s utter bullshit. There are
plenty of quality tequilas, 100% agave tequilas mind you, under $25 for the
bottle. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look for Cuervo (the biggest
name in tequila worldwide), or explore El Jimador (hugely popular in Mexico) or
Espolon.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSKHzqnLOm0feDvEDL0pD_thXQ573AzJqaJdd2Aok0W_OyWgQyXmBqfVWWHVc5LKL7yLRkP3eiPLapF-hoq-hVKAE6q755CaSRscgG0JUGPVw-yS6xO0tZlZwU_o63KOROnOZmocVZ9jY/s1600/20140402espolonblanco.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSKHzqnLOm0feDvEDL0pD_thXQ573AzJqaJdd2Aok0W_OyWgQyXmBqfVWWHVc5LKL7yLRkP3eiPLapF-hoq-hVKAE6q755CaSRscgG0JUGPVw-yS6xO0tZlZwU_o63KOROnOZmocVZ9jY/s640/20140402espolonblanco.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can trust a skeleton riding a chicken.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<u>The Classic Margarita</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
kosher salt (optional)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
.75 oz freshly squeezed lime juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 oz<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cointreau,
triple sec, or other orange liqueur</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1.5 oz Blanco tequila</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
If using salt, spread it on a plate. Use a damp towel to
moisten the rim of a chilled cocktail or rocks glass, then dip the glass in the
salt.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add the ingredients to a cocktail shaker and fill with ice.
Shake well and strain into the glass filled with fresh ice. Garnish with a lime
wheel. (For a slightly sweeter drink, add a dash of agave syrup—one part water,
two parts agave nectar—before shaking.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMtOzCIyh9oC167mwMNFN4_9APkDda1JOKC-fCktcqcrvYqWv9UGFBin1NWJDj6u2ENrkzEKmKheX7MjpC-Z6zVRtQyJYGOoWfJ1IRegHPbFwfaLkGPF1_0ukaA8QsjlFwwN7x_SArGmQ/s1600/Margarita-new.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMtOzCIyh9oC167mwMNFN4_9APkDda1JOKC-fCktcqcrvYqWv9UGFBin1NWJDj6u2ENrkzEKmKheX7MjpC-Z6zVRtQyJYGOoWfJ1IRegHPbFwfaLkGPF1_0ukaA8QsjlFwwN7x_SArGmQ/s400/Margarita-new.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>The Paloma</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 oz tequila </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
.5 oz fresh lime
juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pinch of salt (or
to taste)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grapefruit soda </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Combine the tequila, lime juice, and salt in a tall glass.
Add ice and top off with grapefruit soda. Stir gently and garnish a lime wheel.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Cu5RNJjJyBiiw1PExwXDsgzH2pD0BKG7d1O0ioLWt6jmzhKExSy6g5aWAnyMGNAIzyQcGdI60pElrIimiChhzj10KHAVFVrDxxTJ8LtRLBCPf70ckNVDXXHTFnDeV8rTpfYb1vpVHM4/s1600/paloma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Cu5RNJjJyBiiw1PExwXDsgzH2pD0BKG7d1O0ioLWt6jmzhKExSy6g5aWAnyMGNAIzyQcGdI60pElrIimiChhzj10KHAVFVrDxxTJ8LtRLBCPf70ckNVDXXHTFnDeV8rTpfYb1vpVHM4/s400/paloma.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<u>The Yerba Buena</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
8 Mint leaves</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
.5 oz fresh lime juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
.5 oz agave nectar</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 oz tequila</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ginger beer</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
In a highball glass, muddle the mint, lime juice and agave
nectar. Add the tequila and fill with ice. Top with ginger beer and stir. Garnish
with a mint sprig and a lime wheel.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1DevwQ2KqjAvjmonj62Fl0tcY8Xx2PfQcoC1Ym7Vmxp0Zl4l1106J5bZrUTC-mubUkdWcCbNxvsjRsWJVFuXVWL60bSnIP-I3jFtz_ua-sf5ldyn0Nt-JbuWUGQSsfPV8yhcnk1cT9UU/s1600/yerba-buena-cocktail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1DevwQ2KqjAvjmonj62Fl0tcY8Xx2PfQcoC1Ym7Vmxp0Zl4l1106J5bZrUTC-mubUkdWcCbNxvsjRsWJVFuXVWL60bSnIP-I3jFtz_ua-sf5ldyn0Nt-JbuWUGQSsfPV8yhcnk1cT9UU/s400/yerba-buena-cocktail.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
Go forth and imbibe responsibly. Who's got your back? I do.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHE8xzBCnkspvUr_rqYpgJKTZgQVwditCbw9YN-cPK2kx7XEitgcT9OSNzTTdkyB1V0SyxQqfUGH8cHlcO_1qgEWBOQVJrdj6hg3TW6KLfSNyk41cGrKYXvdx6iJIaXtOAgkz2ugrw2x0/s1600/booze-is-my-copilot-card.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHE8xzBCnkspvUr_rqYpgJKTZgQVwditCbw9YN-cPK2kx7XEitgcT9OSNzTTdkyB1V0SyxQqfUGH8cHlcO_1qgEWBOQVJrdj6hg3TW6KLfSNyk41cGrKYXvdx6iJIaXtOAgkz2ugrw2x0/s320/booze-is-my-copilot-card.jpg" width="299" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-38070959841054048652015-05-02T22:20:00.000-04:002015-05-02T22:20:54.922-04:00Starvin' Like Marvin: Bleu Cheese and Pear Pork Chops<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMhf64fDpJzGWOt3m60oLrEteVRRQcHH_wnUiaVT7xfqfinHf-vBY2Hos5G0t2EveIQZUSsInMbqp0ycvuitZYdWmaqOKxB1WleJUiVmtNEfhzSxbCZPRJTj0sX39ZOzTzZPlFIt0OhAo/s1600/57823_japaneseeyefood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMhf64fDpJzGWOt3m60oLrEteVRRQcHH_wnUiaVT7xfqfinHf-vBY2Hos5G0t2EveIQZUSsInMbqp0ycvuitZYdWmaqOKxB1WleJUiVmtNEfhzSxbCZPRJTj0sX39ZOzTzZPlFIt0OhAo/s1600/57823_japaneseeyefood.jpg" height="356" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stick with your Wingman and you won't be eating eyeballs. Really, dafuq?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's been a good minute since I last gave you guys a little kitchen knowledge hookup. Way too long, as a matter of fact. I started y'all off with a very simple and basic meal, Lemon-Infused Kielbasa and Broccoli. Now that you've mastered that, let's move on to something a lot more complex in its flavors, yet still wicked easy to make.<br />
<br />
What'll you need?<br />
<br />
A small package of pork chops. I prefer boneless in my cooking but you can do whatever you want. You can use pork steaks if you want. Need some great knowledge on pork chops? Then carry your browser <a href="http://www.thekitchn.com/a-complete-guide-to-pork-chops-meat-basics-208638">here</a>. <br />
<br />
Butter. Salt & Pepper. You know, basic stuff that you need to have in your residence.<br />
<br />
Two or three pears. They're a fruit. They're very <a href="http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=28">good for you</a>. I've done this with a couple different <a href="http://usapears.org/pear-varieties/">kinds of pears</a>, like Bosc and Anjou. The Bosc were a little softer and cooked down faster than the firmer Anjou. Slice the pears into julienne strips.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxeNIRjIztsml5OVX3MRgbR7MxnMxv2f8v4XftSfXlg_zsSJEJ8AowH-zNFZ-kvgvuNl1aiMZsbF5ArhVJG2k_jTlyN43FRWn4jovfwMOAXC8P06E5G4pLQYoJLFXm3blpp_F-qtyWivI/s1600/types-of-pears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxeNIRjIztsml5OVX3MRgbR7MxnMxv2f8v4XftSfXlg_zsSJEJ8AowH-zNFZ-kvgvuNl1aiMZsbF5ArhVJG2k_jTlyN43FRWn4jovfwMOAXC8P06E5G4pLQYoJLFXm3blpp_F-qtyWivI/s1600/types-of-pears.jpg" height="362" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifR1mX1CiJM473k6q6rTWWY8Z8cr73nv4VLUWpVdvKurm5L1B-I8s3mDVLrGQ54u4tPSNvFt_xcanrOyWJZaNK59KwU84V30NfxiDBNe7fzW77YrG2uTlhq9e_2jdvKLzJ5LQNYdr22Hg/s1600/14091896095_843ac7ed12_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifR1mX1CiJM473k6q6rTWWY8Z8cr73nv4VLUWpVdvKurm5L1B-I8s3mDVLrGQ54u4tPSNvFt_xcanrOyWJZaNK59KwU84V30NfxiDBNe7fzW77YrG2uTlhq9e_2jdvKLzJ5LQNYdr22Hg/s1600/14091896095_843ac7ed12_z.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
A five-ounce tub of blue cheese crumbles. Gentlemen, if you think it is spelled "blue" and only comes in a cheap liquid form for dipping hot wings in at B-dubs, you should be slapped.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPGGclUaEwXmNFZcPHbksCEW9LxU7jma05ISYhH4lfvqlovoAwdd7AVoOIAwjdAc7qc9lee_EGCLqWOwCuKlSpH4tnQxUYDR2q6SSTaRDEijewApHXjgm1Ts5bB5hgM9CYNlYE9Xe2H2c/s1600/0007015788269_500X500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPGGclUaEwXmNFZcPHbksCEW9LxU7jma05ISYhH4lfvqlovoAwdd7AVoOIAwjdAc7qc9lee_EGCLqWOwCuKlSpH4tnQxUYDR2q6SSTaRDEijewApHXjgm1Ts5bB5hgM9CYNlYE9Xe2H2c/s1600/0007015788269_500X500.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Now... melt some butter in a frying pan on medium-high heat. A couple heaping tablespoons of it. Season your chops with salt and pepper. (Never underestimate the value of coarsely ground sea salt and freshly cracked black pepper. ) Add your chops to the butter and cook them till done, a good three to four minutes per side. Pork needs to be cooked thoroughly to avoid <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000631.htm">trichinosis.</a> <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0cCWT0FhB_6bJoBk6T5qNWxo-SlqflUepivmT3eBwb4Y8nIYsegBNrz0Z_2Aw-qTAm3zhUWNmqlibUrpEbYnZ0K0E0jVzSaYUxM-VIHhdzT7jnuf9IYUWvzLdawDVpGVNKnKjksqJAqM/s1600/14091898355_538302827d_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0cCWT0FhB_6bJoBk6T5qNWxo-SlqflUepivmT3eBwb4Y8nIYsegBNrz0Z_2Aw-qTAm3zhUWNmqlibUrpEbYnZ0K0E0jVzSaYUxM-VIHhdzT7jnuf9IYUWvzLdawDVpGVNKnKjksqJAqM/s1600/14091898355_538302827d_z.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First side done. Note that the chops are still pink. Keep cooking.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-QtBYTAQjiRNA-bZHz7iq6sUfRVTkqURBxanyEnRc2esGeDm1dzY1_vZhXBf7ZXpzZXv8EnZhZ_4JPJgFaGTa4qJJfF9yjRJeMo2QZ5G-bxAEG6SUZq1drbYzVZM1MFv3bDNsu6ac40/s1600/14088690531_e866598310_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-QtBYTAQjiRNA-bZHz7iq6sUfRVTkqURBxanyEnRc2esGeDm1dzY1_vZhXBf7ZXpzZXv8EnZhZ_4JPJgFaGTa4qJJfF9yjRJeMo2QZ5G-bxAEG6SUZq1drbYzVZM1MFv3bDNsu6ac40/s1600/14088690531_e866598310_z.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking done and delicious. Now set them aside..</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Remove the chops from the pan and set them aside. To the pan add the pear slices and cook them down for a good five minutes till they soften up and absorb the buttery porky flavors in the pan. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfYaloPsifuJTyVEHWxi-00r8MYXgBkgR9YTo9zyUYh2mLRm29nl7K3x8cpiIeU-GF2e1ctHZb58O5GE19IFF2b9tfowOBhsj9FIPMkct-C6OquJ6qPX7b4mPvJw2mRzfEqUN78fABCvo/s1600/14068804056_0ff91de900_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfYaloPsifuJTyVEHWxi-00r8MYXgBkgR9YTo9zyUYh2mLRm29nl7K3x8cpiIeU-GF2e1ctHZb58O5GE19IFF2b9tfowOBhsj9FIPMkct-C6OquJ6qPX7b4mPvJw2mRzfEqUN78fABCvo/s1600/14068804056_0ff91de900_z.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Set your chops on your serving plates and on top of them put some of the cooked pears. On top of the pears, add a tablespoon or two of bleu cheese crumbles. The tartness of the cheese balances the sweetness of the pears and creates a delicious accompaniment to the pork. This dish would go well with couscous or some red skinned mashed potatoes and asparagus. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Go forth and be hungry no more. Who's got your back? I do. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiek1Z3oM41QHIIUllvqyjNNo1nSih1L3Oa6QDmCIARtxt3DTGXPnYzFDWf1M4XmqWGONG_QrJ40tb-HNPX6u8ev9xJJByJ-df8LCvmyXabiGVQpGLnfCnSdkfYFi4N41qq28V970oM4vE/s1600/Selfie.+F-16+pilot+deploying+flares+and+doing+a+barrel+roll.+Your_3c0bc2_4893829.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiek1Z3oM41QHIIUllvqyjNNo1nSih1L3Oa6QDmCIARtxt3DTGXPnYzFDWf1M4XmqWGONG_QrJ40tb-HNPX6u8ev9xJJByJ-df8LCvmyXabiGVQpGLnfCnSdkfYFi4N41qq28V970oM4vE/s1600/Selfie.+F-16+pilot+deploying+flares+and+doing+a+barrel+roll.+Your_3c0bc2_4893829.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-45287814487032069972015-04-29T17:28:00.003-04:002015-04-29T17:38:18.696-04:00Test Flight: Dollar Shave Club (with Guest Wingman Paul Blase)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Every so often, even The Wingman needs a wingman. Today, The Savvy Guyde brings you some words of wisdom from my friend Paul, a businessman, hockey player, and all around good dude.<br />
<br />
You've heard the ads on the radio or in podcasts. You've seen the ads on TV. You've wondered if this Dollar Shave Club is the real deal, right? Read on, my minions.<br />
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UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHf99mlJ1kRnuy9iytxnaHlh2cmB20f22WDzmaEu-HzDI4Qkq6IO5f5YJSkKlOiU8CMWjCaGuUqD-jzMDZLg08vxTC6q9HpXZGsdemHm1p9ebiEshcYa51Sbn8VKQGF1nfplMaYe8-2Is/s1600/PIERCE-BROSNAN.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHf99mlJ1kRnuy9iytxnaHlh2cmB20f22WDzmaEu-HzDI4Qkq6IO5f5YJSkKlOiU8CMWjCaGuUqD-jzMDZLg08vxTC6q9HpXZGsdemHm1p9ebiEshcYa51Sbn8VKQGF1nfplMaYe8-2Is/s1600/PIERCE-BROSNAN.jpg" height="366" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let’s be honest. You wish you had
that cunning, sophisticated charming appearance of someone like Pierce Brosnan.
I mean, seriously, he’s a man’s man. Dresses sharp, has that look like “I’ll
hold the door open for you, but I’ll kick your ass if you don’t return the
favor.” But how’s that possible for someone, like myself, when I have a lobster
face because my $25 razor and seemingly six-figure blades (with dollar store
quality, I might add) can contour in every direction, solve calculus problems,
and accurately predict the results for March Madness, yet continuously give me
razor burn? I’ve tried creams, heated lathers, gels, and a myriad of aftershave
product to no avail. Until one day I finally decided that those annoying
Facebook ads had won.</span></div>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMm8voqjdjnKYatuwRSOGqZzwSbWSkUB-D1ErZs4Q4rXkXotZyROOYOynyEH_uFFVnnqLf-ZmTuEWVWIm_mTImsTpU9rVTjG8C-ZB1Zj3Ry9YGGdCqRfgvO_kIwIr9AZ5x5qWDVPUIKu8/s1600/dsc_header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMm8voqjdjnKYatuwRSOGqZzwSbWSkUB-D1ErZs4Q4rXkXotZyROOYOynyEH_uFFVnnqLf-ZmTuEWVWIm_mTImsTpU9rVTjG8C-ZB1Zj3Ry9YGGdCqRfgvO_kIwIr9AZ5x5qWDVPUIKu8/s1600/dsc_header.jpg" height="354" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Ok “Dollar Shave Club,” I thought. “You’ll get my money
for one month.” I mean what the hell, right? It’s only a few bucks with the
worst case scenario of ending up with an equally crappy razor. So I logged on
to the Dollar Shave Club<a href="https://www.dollarshaveclub.com/"> website </a>and did a little bit of research on their
products. They offer three types of razors, three post-shave products,
one...um...hygiene product, and 4 newly introduced hair products. They operate
on a per-month subscription, or their “Less Hairy” option which is a once-every-other-month subscription. Basically here is my review of their services: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Razors</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Dollar Shave Club offers three types of razors. The Twin, a two-blade razor
that is offered for the awesome price of $1 per order. The 4X, a four-blade
razor that is offered for $6 per order. The Executive, a six blade (plus single
trimmer blade on the back side) for $9 per order. The Twin comes with five cartridges
per order, while the 4X and the Executive come with four. Each razor has a
special handle that is mailed for free with your first order. Just say you
decide the 4X is not enough, or maybe even too much, Dollar Shave Club sends
you the new handle with your new selection of blades free. I, personally, have
the 4X so my reviews will be based upon that. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhX1Q0hoLXBYBXcyFbxbCpvCdzDRReSMs_VwUIziayBaiGe1hf_dQj1O-pWUb6cx8rWNMnBimNIFPv6IZlGrrGsXls6ZY7mN7x-VqHRvyYRX6a-v6iemcbqtpzFinSxjff4iHUeXkeo4k/s1600/dollarshave01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhX1Q0hoLXBYBXcyFbxbCpvCdzDRReSMs_VwUIziayBaiGe1hf_dQj1O-pWUb6cx8rWNMnBimNIFPv6IZlGrrGsXls6ZY7mN7x-VqHRvyYRX6a-v6iemcbqtpzFinSxjff4iHUeXkeo4k/s1600/dollarshave01.jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Simply put, it’s amazing. The
handle is far from cheaply made. It’s a comfortable rubber grip with sturdy
plastic bases. It also contours for a comfortable grip, which is a plus. I’ve
found in the past with my vibrating, calculus solving, six-figure razors that
the plastic handles tend to slip around in my hand from time to time. Let’s be
honest, whether you’re a guy or a gal, shaving is a wet activity. The creams or
soap doesn’t make it any less slippery. So, this is definitely a plus. The blades
snap right in just like any other two-piece razor. The razors come packaged
together in a unit of four. Dollar Shave Club proclaims in their ads “ Our
Blades Are f***ing Great.” and I’d have to concur with that statement. These aren’t
cheapo dollar store blades. They are sharp, straight, and perform well, especially when paired with another one of their shave products. </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_xmNKiYxYVOQNH-h47XDQq8W6XMqhwTUqNCbqsWp6iORZu8b191H3CkdhChyphenhyphenPHJtk_rO1R_7ygTPW3iG_x5ewjx_5I-CiZV1XwD1TMoVBHF3hx_r_bubmwUViI9xfiET1PaEvz71RpB0/s1600/shave+butter.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_xmNKiYxYVOQNH-h47XDQq8W6XMqhwTUqNCbqsWp6iORZu8b191H3CkdhChyphenhyphenPHJtk_rO1R_7ygTPW3iG_x5ewjx_5I-CiZV1XwD1TMoVBHF3hx_r_bubmwUViI9xfiET1PaEvz71RpB0/s1600/shave+butter.png" height="318" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u>Shave Products</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dollar Shave Club offers “Dr. Carver’s Shave Butter” in a 3 oz travel size, or
6 oz standard size. They also offer “Post Shave” lotion for moisture and
“Repair Serum” to help combat bumps, burns, and ingrown hairs. I’ve tried
neither of the latter, mostly in part to the success of the former. The Shave
Butter has to be, quite honestly, the greatest shaving “cream” I’ve <i>ever</i> used. It’s
clear so you can see exactly what you’re shaving. On top of that, it’s much
like I have imaginary space ships orbiting my facial hair trying to abduct
them. My beard seems to “stand up” and when I stroke the “f***ing great” blades
across it, effortlessly I get the closest shave I’ve ever had.<b> I couldn’t
highly recommend the Shave Butter enough.</b> Even if you’re a math major who’s
passing your tests and paying your tuition off of your March Madness bracket
winnings and don’t want to change blades, I suggest trying the Butter. Having
said that, I’m assuming the lotion and serum are equally as bad-ass.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFlSiC_FC3ehY6WH8yQ5zTUnAF9odL_L-QtVckL88JCdNTM7gvnYZIoL4opds8wcrGGg_FHy0fRFFqwvbrWaLPRHFOH3n51agS0UpItlDIUBDkSlCroV1ui50MjhzN28wz_lMmMMrDaXQ/s1600/MPS-3Z-2-e5c7dd77fe5bfa28dcd43fb8d79e5fad.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFlSiC_FC3ehY6WH8yQ5zTUnAF9odL_L-QtVckL88JCdNTM7gvnYZIoL4opds8wcrGGg_FHy0fRFFqwvbrWaLPRHFOH3n51agS0UpItlDIUBDkSlCroV1ui50MjhzN28wz_lMmMMrDaXQ/s1600/MPS-3Z-2-e5c7dd77fe5bfa28dcd43fb8d79e5fad.png" height="273" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-DQ0jCmhtnyO0MWJTaefDIxN8aiT7_z2X_By-0q-_WwDksgmo2BIx1NQO5pts73nzVrBRi0480v_1PIyoFvWjmL7pT8UZfjPT6-Rhf9W7RVF_Tl0Vdt3XGsW1Nn2zZItXNwm2VQHtJs/s1600/MPS-SRM-2Z-1-c43b4cbc3a20637edc3d55dcd2dfde1f.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-DQ0jCmhtnyO0MWJTaefDIxN8aiT7_z2X_By-0q-_WwDksgmo2BIx1NQO5pts73nzVrBRi0480v_1PIyoFvWjmL7pT8UZfjPT6-Rhf9W7RVF_Tl0Vdt3XGsW1Nn2zZItXNwm2VQHtJs/s1600/MPS-SRM-2Z-1-c43b4cbc3a20637edc3d55dcd2dfde1f.png" height="311" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hygiene
and Hair Products </span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Recently Dollar Shave Club has introduced a line of hair
products called “Boogie’s.” The types are hair clay, hair cream, hair paste,
and hair gel. These days, I tend to keep my hair (or lack thereof) shorter, so
there’s really no need for me to order these products, therefore I cannot offer
a full review. But if Dollar Shave Club’s consistency stays true, there’s no
doubt in my mind that they work. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8TS3BmXuT2ZvIE1eNWqTPXtF8vD1EpoQDWcjPTZewSijWoQYKGG0q5AupvdqRT83J57T4z-XtZWLMb7vgF_4rvmlGJamUQyzzPyzzmh8yR1MTz-cFWK6Z_8k0l4kDQJU-4EmFhspxnLs/s1600/wipes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8TS3BmXuT2ZvIE1eNWqTPXtF8vD1EpoQDWcjPTZewSijWoQYKGG0q5AupvdqRT83J57T4z-XtZWLMb7vgF_4rvmlGJamUQyzzPyzzmh8yR1MTz-cFWK6Z_8k0l4kDQJU-4EmFhspxnLs/s1600/wipes.jpg" height="230" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Which brings me onto the next product...
There’s really no way to avoid this one. “One Wipe Charlies” are essentially
baby wipes that help keep you...um.. clean and fresh in areas you may need to
wipe. When I was living in the Twin Cities, Minnesota I thought to myself “That
sounds interesting! I won’t have to use it though.” Now that I’m in Charleston,
South Carolina and the brutal humid summers are rapidly approaching, there may
be a review for this in the coming months. Stay tuned.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Who's got your back? I do.</div>
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Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-61429995123884310442015-03-16T22:40:00.000-04:002015-03-16T22:40:07.436-04:00A tribute to one of my influences<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiry4yHtzdOQwPpRESWwn-kbf-s1FzN4qez1r2iczdyg3zjfPLQXos6Y7Qn0Ez1DqibPcawbkyS_BBapzkPO5E1GOWGZXzVNQ4R1vTtndLNZsH6-AGjdXaguYLoHmbXn9fFV_dwfu7dZIRf/s1600/51iZnHrSnAL._SY445_.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiry4yHtzdOQwPpRESWwn-kbf-s1FzN4qez1r2iczdyg3zjfPLQXos6Y7Qn0Ez1DqibPcawbkyS_BBapzkPO5E1GOWGZXzVNQ4R1vTtndLNZsH6-AGjdXaguYLoHmbXn9fFV_dwfu7dZIRf/s1600/51iZnHrSnAL._SY445_.jpg" height="400" width="293" /></a></div>
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<i>“I have no taste for either poverty or honest labor, so
writing is the only recourse left for me.”</i> -HST</div>
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Gentlemen, in life we all have our influences, things that helped mold us into who we became as adults. As a writer I've had several influences on my style. Among those who have influenced my writing over the past three decades are George Carlin, Dennis Miller, Kevin Smith, Denis Leary, Sam Kinison, and Kurt Vonnegut, of all people.<br />
<br /></div>
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Another of my influences, and perhaps one of my earliest, was “gonzo”
journalist Hunter S. Thompson. As a freshman in high school I had a
subscription to none other than National Lampoon Magazine and I became a huge
fan of satire and parody, and I admittedly do a lot of both in a very deadpan
serious delivery. One of the articles in The NLM that always stuck in my craw
was an essay/short story that was so absurd and over the top that 30+ years
later I went looking for it yet again on the web trying to secure a copy of it.
I had always assumed the author was Thompson, based on the title alone; “Fear
and Loathing on the Kindergarten Trail”, a play off on his books "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and “Fear and
Loathing on the Campaign Trail”. </div>
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For years and years, I searched the web all over far and
wide for any sort of reference to this work. Turns out I was somewhat up my own
ass about things as I have FINALLY found the essay in question.</div>
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Turns out I had the title wrong for 30 years. And it was a parody, as
stated before, and not actually one of Hunter’s works. So much for the steel-trap memory I had at 14. I finally found it on a
site that archived a lot of the late 70’s and early 80’s issues of The National
Lampoon, and they were saved in a bad quasi-Notepad-meets-ASCII format that I
had to clean up and edit to make readable. </div>
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So, without further ado, I bring you that essay that started
me down the road to being a twisted writer….</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE0_31JI1zf6prDSgekNpz2n9vLbkIinvHy0na8JRXKca_NkjGcBpJU39OWwibko5e3nXbKbd9RmQNItNZ2r2KaOBpwXFDs1l1SwaAHMOZa300QoOEHt4xcrMkJQsxeFP1ikaKu2UhSsLW/s1600/rectangle.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE0_31JI1zf6prDSgekNpz2n9vLbkIinvHy0na8JRXKca_NkjGcBpJU39OWwibko5e3nXbKbd9RmQNItNZ2r2KaOBpwXFDs1l1SwaAHMOZa300QoOEHt4xcrMkJQsxeFP1ikaKu2UhSsLW/s1600/rectangle.jpg" height="430" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Exclusive! An excerpt from a new work by the author of The
Curse of the Yoyo. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Fear and Loathing on the Nursery School Trail </div>
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I WAS JANGLED OUT OF MY SLEEP by the sound of the telephone ringing.
I tried to ignore it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A long, hot summer
of continuous horror-film watching and high-speed sugar ingestion had left me
physically racked and vulnerable to the slightest attack. The mere mention of responsibility
or summer's end gave rise to uncontrollable spasms and a baroque brain
paralysis that turned me into a scratching, weeping specimen that even a leper
would pity. </div>
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The phone persisted. I grabbed for it blindly, upsetting my
night light and causing the eerie white beam to fall into my younger brother's
lower bunk. It came to rest next to his head, illuminating his skull like a
strange jack-o'-lantern. I finally located the telephone receiver and held it
to my ear. My attorney was on the other end, yelling loudly. </div>
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"Hunter, is that you? Jesus, don't you know what time
it is?" </div>
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"Time?" I tried to talk, but a spiral of yellow
phlegm clung to my windpipe like a leech. </div>
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"It's seven in the morning, for Crissakes. We've got
less than an hour before school…” </div>
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"<i>School!</i>" </div>
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Mother of Babbling God. I had forgotten completely about
school. My head cleared like a high-voltage jolt coursing through my rubber wee-wee
sheets. It was 7:00 AM Monday morning, the first day of school, and I didn’t
even have a loose-leaf organizer. My attorney was still talking, rattling on at
a frantic pace. </div>
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"Meet me in front of Hymie's Candy and Cigarettes in
fifteen minutes. We still have time to organize an effective game plan.”</div>
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I told him I’d be there and hung up. I slowly slipped off
the upper bunk, taking pains not to step into Davison's open mouth, and
switched on the lights. It looked like rabid wolverines had stampeded through
our room while we slept. Chairs and tables were overturned, and the television,
still blaring from the night before, had a viscous brown streak of hardened
liquid streaked across the screen, giving Mush Mouse and Pumpkin Puss the
distorted appearance of a hydra-headed wildebeest. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwKOiL3pSlOHM3adiSB9ta2e39bHLyhqguS5Iwy6dz-MPpxC4QYX1WzZtbFpPwFuWWhqaig6_JKfQjKwLfxxY_RNZDoq-NzU8z2FCZ2O5Q5JGutCC2IiPr3F3Twaf4j_C4vbRk0ovJeOYq/s1600/fp820-player.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwKOiL3pSlOHM3adiSB9ta2e39bHLyhqguS5Iwy6dz-MPpxC4QYX1WzZtbFpPwFuWWhqaig6_JKfQjKwLfxxY_RNZDoq-NzU8z2FCZ2O5Q5JGutCC2IiPr3F3Twaf4j_C4vbRk0ovJeOYq/s1600/fp820-player.jpg" height="320" width="275" /></a></div>
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I loped across the garbage-strewn carpet, avoiding jagged objects,
picked up Burl Ives's "Blue Tail Fly," and plunked it down on my
trusty "Groove Tunes" plastic record player. I cranked it up to
maximum volume, fixed myself a beaker of cold Nestle Quik, and slumped into an
oversize beanbag chair. This was a little ritual designed to soothe my nerves
and send my next-door neighbor into a lathering, wall-punching fit. The man was
a despicable Nazi lowlife who deserved to have his upper and lower epidermis
scraped off with three-grit sandpaper, for reasons I won't get into here. </div>
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I dressed and ate a fast breakfast consisting of orange
juice, grapefruit juice, and six different varieties of pre-sweetened cereal. At
7:30 I bade my sleeping younger brother farewell and climbed onto the Big
Wheel, a big dangerous bike with an unsettling tendency to spin out without the
slightest warning or provocation. </div>
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After several close calls, one of which sent me fishtailing
into the back end of a matronly crossing guard, I got the beast under control
and arrived at Hymie's in one piece. My attorney was waiting outside. He
greeted me heartily, a large paper sack clutched under his right arm. </div>
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"Jesus” I said, "What have you got in there?
Hymie's inventory?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He laughed and
dumped the contents of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the bag into the
Big Wheel.</div>
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"Just a few necessary supplies," he said,
spreading out the pile for closer examination. </div>
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Cazart! If any of you parents ever learn anything it should
be this: under absolutely no circumstances should you ever subsidize a fat,
crazed, self-indulgent five-year-old attorney with a connoisseur's appreciation
for fine candy. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG79l_zAMY8RVIy2FqyNUr9rZgl28rk0qgkzbzuv1t4pTJsrcekpXr5eHguccWawrBf6f3Yiei6UJ9pipEzWkqVSb5xRR06xmBy4CxWm4PZvXYghZI70FJxRhNG4rk7ONkOn35yRl8swj6/s1600/Bl2srsDCQAAyYZ_.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG79l_zAMY8RVIy2FqyNUr9rZgl28rk0qgkzbzuv1t4pTJsrcekpXr5eHguccWawrBf6f3Yiei6UJ9pipEzWkqVSb5xRR06xmBy4CxWm4PZvXYghZI70FJxRhNG4rk7ONkOn35yRl8swj6/s1600/Bl2srsDCQAAyYZ_.jpg" height="226" width="400" /></a></div>
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The stockpile broke down as follows: Two one-pound bags of
M&M's, plain and peanut. Six packs of Twizzlers. Six packs of Necco's.
Three dozen peanut -butter cups. A month's supply of Oh Henrys. Two cartons of
Three Musketeers and Snickers. A carton of Kit Kais. A case of Pepsi. A rainbow
assortment of bubble gums, lollipops, and penny candies. A blotter sheet of
button drops. Enough licorice shoelace to strangle a boar hog. A twelve-ounce
bar of Cadbury Fruit & Nuts and a small vial of pure cooking vanilla. </div>
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"This is a week's worth of candy," I pointed out.
"We’ll never make it by the front door with this stuff." </div>
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My attorney nodded his head solemnly and looked at me
through vaguely dilated pupils. I suspected he'd already dipped into the M&Ms. </div>
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"As your attorney I think it s in our best interests to
consume as much of this candy as possible. It would be a shame to throw even
half of it away," </div>
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"You're<i> insane</i>," I reasoned. "This much candy
would reduce both of us to a pair of babbling, dangerously over-loaded
freaks," </div>
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My attorney grinned at me knowingly. </div>
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"We'll fit in perfectly. Remember, this is the first
day of school." </div>
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He climbed onto the Big Wheel and wasted no time ripping
open wrappers; the Snickers went first, three apiece, washed down with a bolt
of Pepsi. Then the rest of the M&M's and the Oh Henry's. </div>
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"Those Snickers are pure glucose.” my attorney warned.
"You’ll feel the first rush any minute now." He was right. As we
picked up speed and rumbled down Main Street a fine light wave trickled up my
spine and came to rest at the base of my head. </div>
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"Hand me that licorice, you greedy whore," I said
to my attorney. "That's supposed to be enough for both of us." </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He shrugged and dropped a half-eaten clump into my lap. We
ate an entire carton of Kit Kats in the next three blocks, and by the time we
reached the halfway point in our journey we were both hopelessly twisted. </div>
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"They’ll probably hang us both from the flagpole as an
example to all the other students." I said, peeling back the plastic
wrapper from a Charms Blow Pop. </div>
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"Yes," my attorney agreed, chuckling like
Mussolini. Suddenly his smile disappeared and his eyes filled with terror. </div>
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"Watch out for Papa Smurf!!!” he screamed, grabbing at
the controls. "My God. Look at that! I wonder where the rest of the gang
is?" </div>
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I couldn't see Papa Smurf, but the sky was full of black-fanged
pterodactyls and I was having trouble pedaling. </div>
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My attorney howled and lashed out at the handlebars, nearly
capsizing us. </div>
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"Get a grip on yourself' I screamed. “I thought you
could handle the candy." He slumped back in his seat and ate a fistful of
Necco's. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
"Of course, of course. I've been acting crazily. It’s
those Three Musketeers. They're horribly unpredictable.”</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I stopped at a red light, and a pair of first-graders on a
red Schwinn pulled up beside us. They had their brand-new clothes on and looked
as eager as mongrels looking for potential masters at a dog pound. My attorney
leaned over the side of the Big Wheel and stared at them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"You want some fucking candy?" he screamed,
spitting and drooling chocolaty goo from his mouth. "Hubba Bubba.
Snickers. Pure granulated sugar, man. Blow your fucking head off!" </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I glanced over at the Schwinn and saw the pair was frozen
with shock. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The bike they were riding had a wicker basket on it and my
attorney was tugging at it, trying to get their attention. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"Can't you hear me, you crazy bastards? Are you deaf?
I'm talking about two-two-two mints in one. A fistful of peanuts in every bar!!!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I tried to maneuver the Big Wheel past them but I was up
against the curb and couldn't turn without knocking into them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"M&M's. Hershey's chocolate motherfucker. Melt in
your fucking brain, not in your mouth!" </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The light finally changed and the Schwinn took off like a
turbo jet. My attorney burst out laughing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Jesus, what fucking zombies. They're exactly the type
of pigs infiltrating the school system. Christ, did you see the decals on their
knapsacks?" </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could see he was getting worse by the minute. While he
talked he scratched incessantly at an invisible rash and rocked to and fro
spasmodically. Suddenly he started rummaging through a pile of wax wrappers,
frantically searching for something. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Where's my balloon?" he shouted. "Where did
I put my balloon?" </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus, I thought, he's falling apart. Any second now he'll
turn violent and they'll find us both on the side of the road, holding each
other's spleens in our hands, our foreheads ripped open and dripping blood in
the sun. He rose out of the pile and smiled broadly. Clenched in his fist was a
red balloon. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"I couldn't function without this," he said.
"If the situation gets tense you just load this baby up with water and
drench every man, woman, and child within a twelve-foot radius. Never fails to jolt
the bastards straight down to their socks.”</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
We arrived two hours late and parked the Big Wheel on the
front steps. It was a terrible scene, both of us falling over each other as we
tried to pry the school doors open. "These things have no fucking
handles," my attorney screamed, clawing at the steel doors stupidly.
"They built a school without any handles," </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"It's clearly an act of aggression." I said, my
entire body now soaked in a trembling spastic sweat. "They want us to use
the back entrance like common house servants.' </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A small boy with fear in his eyes parted the doors from
inside and pushed on past us; either he'd been thrown out or he'd seen all he
wanted to. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Jesus," my attorney said. "Did you see the look
on that kid's face? I wonder what they did to him in there?" </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stared at him and smiled weakly, "They probably
dragged him into the bathroom and beat him around the kidneys with pointers and
yardsticks.” </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
"Jesus," my attorney muttered.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I shrugged and headed into the school lobby. Violence was
commonplace the first day of school, I'd seen unacclimated teachers go
completely berserk and start swinging in a crowded classroom, knocking children
senseless by the barrelful. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTz7zEJ0VXRBc1xhcxcK55uc-_Ck7y_WhGImRKIeLQwYf9cjH3y7y5Nayl53olH_KemWw4rVekP7exlKIrmWzL9XSlbadSXW_QZe0znkUBk0uW4NPsyUX-0zel0AwQdS76pJE7Pxvex-oK/s1600/18811779.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTz7zEJ0VXRBc1xhcxcK55uc-_Ck7y_WhGImRKIeLQwYf9cjH3y7y5Nayl53olH_KemWw4rVekP7exlKIrmWzL9XSlbadSXW_QZe0znkUBk0uW4NPsyUX-0zel0AwQdS76pJE7Pxvex-oK/s1600/18811779.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></div>
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"Hell," I continued, "I remember last year,
on the first day, my homeroom teacher grabbed a talkative child in the first
row and erased the entire goddamn blackboard with his head. His head! The kid
inhaled so much chalk dust that he went instantly blind and fell into an irreversible
coma.” I could see my attorney was starting to look a little uneasy. I laughed
and swatted him on the back. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Don't worry," I reassured him. "They only
hurt you if you look like a troublemaker." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Well fuck that," he said. "I'm a model
student no matter what these evil scum-suckers say." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The corridors looked like the verge of a bad riot scene; rat-faced
faculty members herded </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
shell-shocked brats up and down the hallways like meal
hogs while the PA system periodically blurted garbled instructions to
"kindly proceed to your designated home-room." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My attorney glanced down at a crumpled schedule. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"What room are you boys supposed to be in?" I
whirled around and came face to face with an ugly fat man. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ah.. .of course, what room?" I said, thinking frantically.
"What room indeed? Room 200. Yes. Probably room 200, of course, I remember
distinctly now. Or was it room 244? We're new here, you know. Just trying to
blend in and enjoy the scenery. The last thing we'd want is any trouble. Are you
a member of the line staff?" </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I assaulted him with some more gibberish but he wasn't
buying it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Could I see your schedule, young man?" </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dug through my pockets, but all I could come up with was a
pile of candy wrappers. "I must have left it in my other coat," I said,
walking fast in the other direction. I hadn't gotten three steps when I felt
his hard grip on my shoulder. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"I think you better come with me to the principal's
office.' </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suddenly my attorney was in the middle of it, snarling at
the fat man. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Get your hands off my client, you worthless
pig-fucker; How would you like to be brought up in front of the board for
physically manhandling a student? You could lose your job for that." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fat guy wasn't biting. He paraded us down the hall in a
primitive version of a Nazi death march. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christ, I thought. They'll find the cooking vanilla in our
knapsacks. The man will tell the principal we're both vicious impostors and
that we threatened him with his life. No! Our only hope was to run.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We made a break for it, but the sugar comedown clouded our
brains and it seemed as if we were moving in slow motion. The principal's goon
squad nailed us ten feet from the door. Caught like doomed rats. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Editor's Note: Dr Thompson's notes became very jumbled at
this point. The following is a transcript from an interview Dr. Thompson had
with his attorney and Rick Bloom, Dr. Thompson's campaign manager during his
failed bid for election to the school council earlier that year: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
HST: You worthless pig. I didn't think you'd have the guts
to show your face after you bungled my campaign. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ATT: Hey. Rick, do you have any chocolate milk? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
RB: Jesus. Hunter, you sabotaged that campaign yourself when
you scrawled Report Cards Are Weird" on the side of the principal's
Volkswagen. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
HST: The man was a vicious misanthrope. And besides, the
polls showed I was trailing by nearly three hundred votes. I had to do
something drastic. I would have gotten away with it, too, if you hadn't
panicked and dropped the Magic Markers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
RB: My heart wasn't in it. I kept thinking people were
watching from behind the handball courts. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
HST: Balls. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ATT: Cooking vanilla? </div>
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Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-64143033672891488872015-02-15T18:05:00.002-05:002015-06-13T01:01:43.019-04:00Know Your Poisons: Gin<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVQj_eADi5KILf1pVMWD7m0Z2JFr8w0Qhyphenhyphen5_Cu-q77WLTnII-iQwBUHVpvNybclGiz5FQPbExE-6mjMSqYagudCZR-fy_H2KDqeE6n3Z-omf2frIU5cIart3_d2iZ9egKYJA1k2bhG-DU/s1600/capture-20150215-164944.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="440" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVQj_eADi5KILf1pVMWD7m0Z2JFr8w0Qhyphenhyphen5_Cu-q77WLTnII-iQwBUHVpvNybclGiz5FQPbExE-6mjMSqYagudCZR-fy_H2KDqeE6n3Z-omf2frIU5cIart3_d2iZ9egKYJA1k2bhG-DU/s1600/capture-20150215-164944.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ah, gin; that delicious clear spirit flavored with juniper
berries and botanicals. The neutral spirit base of gin is primarily grain
(usually wheat or rye), which results in a light-bodied spirit perfectly
amenable to the addition of varied herbs and spices.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Dutch physician Franciscus Sylvius is often credited
with the invention of gin in the mid 17th century, although the existence of its
predecessor, a beverage called genever, is confirmed as early as 1623, when Dr.
Sylvius would have been but nine years of age. It is further claimed that
British soldiers who provided support in Antwerp against the Spanish in 1585,
during the Eighty Years' War for Dutch independence, were already drinking genever
for its calming effects before battle, from which the term Dutch Courage is
believed to have originated.</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Genever is made primarily from "malt wine" (a
mixture of malted barley, wheat, corn, and rye), which produces a fuller-bodied
spirit similar to raw malt whiskey. A small number of genevers in Holland and
Belgium are distilled directly from fermented juniper berries, producing a
particularly intensely flavored spirit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The chief flavoring agent in both gin and genever is the
highly aromatic blue-green berry of the juniper, a low-slung evergreen bush
that is commercially grown in northern Italy, Croatia, the United States and
Canada. Additional botanicals can include anise, angelica root, cinnamon,
orange peel, coriander, and cassia bark. All gin makers have their own secret
combination of botanicals, the number of which can range from as few as four to
as many as fifteen.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidpyHt0sCQ6u4EJLBpxcxwvkgCFPzY2szjrSkb7l2NyOZVlGbAvZZzhP4S380KneIkDn3YUIXcfWBYTy0-d_xsFIq-WWZH9YQi8xxOpNOS38LEBUjmlPceTbsY7zaPb94QU2h5IBoCZbA/s1600/Junipers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidpyHt0sCQ6u4EJLBpxcxwvkgCFPzY2szjrSkb7l2NyOZVlGbAvZZzhP4S380KneIkDn3YUIXcfWBYTy0-d_xsFIq-WWZH9YQi8xxOpNOS38LEBUjmlPceTbsY7zaPb94QU2h5IBoCZbA/s1600/Junipers.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By the mid 17th century, numerous small Dutch distillers
(some 400 in Amsterdam alone by 1663) had popularized the re-distillation of malt
spirit or malt wine with juniper, anise, caraway, coriander, etc., which were
sold in pharmacies and used to treat such medical problems as kidney ailments,
lumbago, stomach ailments, gallstones, and gout. Gin emerged in England in
varying forms as of the early 17th century, and at the time of the Restoration,
enjoyed a brief resurgence. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When William of Orange, ruler of the Dutch Republic,
occupied the British throne with his wife Mary in what has become known as the
Glorious Revolution in 1689, gin became vastly more popular, particularly in
crude, inferior forms, where it was more likely to be flavored with turpentine
as an alternative to juniper. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whoa, Wingman. Turpentine?</i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Seriously, turpentine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"There was a good chance in the 18th Century that the
gins being drunk in London were genever-style," says Gary Regan, author of
the Bartender's Gin Compendium. "A lot of it was probably really terrible.
People were distilling in their houses."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, the genever being drunk by William III and his
successors was not easy to replicate in a bathtub in a basement.(You’ve heard
the term “bathtub gin”?) The eager entrepreneurs reached for just about any
additive they could in an effort to make the drink even vaguely palatable.
Hence, turpentine, to generate resinous woody notes in addition to the juniper.
Ugh.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another common variation was to distil in the presence of
sulfuric acid. Although the acid itself does not distil, it imparts the
additional aroma of diethyl ether to the resulting gin. Sulfuric acid subtracts
one water molecule from two ethanol molecules to create diethyl ether, which
also forms an azeotrope with ethanol, and therefore distils with it. The result
is a sweeter spirit, and one that may have possessed additional
analgesic/intoxicating effects.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gin drinking in England rose significantly after the
Government allowed unlicensed gin production and at the same time imposed a
heavy duty on all imported spirits. This created a market for poor-quality
grain that was unfit for brewing beer, and thousands of gin-shops sprang up
throughout England, a period known as the Gin Craze. Because of the relative
price of gin, when compared with other drinks available at the same time and in
the same geographic location, gin began to be consumed regularly by the poor
who aspired to drink like the King. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of the 15,000 drinking establishments in London, not
including coffee shops and cafes, over half were gin shops. Beer maintained a
healthy reputation as it was often safer to drink the brewed ale than unclean
plain water. Gin, though, was blamed for various social problems, and it may
have been a factor in the higher death rates which stabilized London's
previously growing population. Seriously, guys; gin was the crack cocaine or
crystal meth of its day. The reputation of gin was illustrated by William Hogarth
in his engravings <i>Beer Street</i> and <i>Gin Lane</i> (1751), described by the BBC as
"arguably the most potent anti-drug poster ever conceived." The
negative reputation of gin survives today in the English language, in terms
like "gin mills" or the American phrase "gin joints" to
describe disreputable bars or "gin-soaked" to refer to drunks, and in
the phrase "mother's ruin", a common British name for gin.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi12WJuXhmSbkpOVnk_L3FPP5AQy-6iXPwU_tgnk5_19A8t5z7l6TGwEBaSgrCpJybmL5IapM4GgU1zrs0Rbo-IvCgzei6_2bfJNtDqeud8HOmPhc7sXBG-9NPn2YqFyPfyURzdJPBIykc/s1600/ginlane600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi12WJuXhmSbkpOVnk_L3FPP5AQy-6iXPwU_tgnk5_19A8t5z7l6TGwEBaSgrCpJybmL5IapM4GgU1zrs0Rbo-IvCgzei6_2bfJNtDqeud8HOmPhc7sXBG-9NPn2YqFyPfyURzdJPBIykc/s1600/ginlane600.jpg" width="550" /></a></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Some of the points illustrated in the Hogarth <i>Gin Lane</i> engraving: </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The Hanged Man: A barber has taken his life in the attic of
his own house; his death is unnoticed by the drunken mass of people below. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Pawnbroker: The pawnbroker’s sign hangs symbolically
over the spire of St George’s Church in Bloomsbury. Below it, the bewigged
pawnbroker is a rare prosperous person.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Impaled baby: A man with a child impaled on a spike hits
himself over the head with a pair of bellows while a distraught woman chases
him.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Baby fed gin: On the left a woman feeds gin to a man in a
wheelbarrow while on the right a baby receives the same treatment.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Syphilis sores: The bare-breasted woman, who has dropped
her baby, has syphilis sores on her legs.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Pamphlet Seller: The pamphlet seller, warning of the
dangers of drink, appears to have died of starvation, but still has an emptied
cup.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Drunk for a penny: The cellar sign says: Drunk for a penny,
Dead drunk for twopence, Clean straw for nothing. This symbolizes the
underground nature of so many gin houses and how one could drink cheaply in
large quantity.</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Gin Act 1736 imposed high taxes on retailers and led to
riots in the streets. The prohibitive duty was gradually reduced and finally
abolished in 1742. The Gin Act 1751 was more successful, however; It forced
distillers to sell only to licensed retailers and brought gin shops under the
jurisdiction of local magistrates. Gin in the 18th century was produced in pot
stills, and was somewhat sweeter than the London gin known today. Need a
refresher on pot stills and column stills? Go <a href="http://savvyguyde.blogspot.com/2015/02/know-your-poisons-demon-rum.html">here</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most Gin is initially distilled in column stills. The
resulting spirit is high-proof, light-bodied, and clean with a minimal amount
of congeners and flavoring agents. Genever is distilled in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>pot stills, which results in a lower-proof,
more flavorful spirit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Low-quality "compound" gins are made by simply
mixing the base spirit with juniper and botanical extracts. Mass-market gins
are produced by soaking juniper berries and botanicals in the base spirit and
then redistilling the mixture.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Top-quality gins are flavored in a unique manner. After one
or more distillations the base spirit is redistilled one last time. During this
final distillation the alcohol vapor wafts through a chamber in which the dried
juniper berries and botanicals are suspended. The vapor gently extracts aromatic
and flavoring oils and compounds from the berries and spices as it travels
through the chamber on its way to the condenser. The resulting flavored spirit
has a noticeable degree of complexity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwF7kq82sghRmDijC5FPguGxkPJrPtxdL5RjPQK8s17ATVQZfc6nvcQOUro06rqqRpLj-hh106daLBLIGJY34OHD4Mjsjapl6PXR0ni7DCU1x9joJ-5fubJzaAhyJVFBCTU6LeOG8PeZI/s1600/TanquerayRangpurGin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwF7kq82sghRmDijC5FPguGxkPJrPtxdL5RjPQK8s17ATVQZfc6nvcQOUro06rqqRpLj-hh106daLBLIGJY34OHD4Mjsjapl6PXR0ni7DCU1x9joJ-5fubJzaAhyJVFBCTU6LeOG8PeZI/s1600/TanquerayRangpurGin.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tanqueray Rangpur, made with rare Rangpur limes from India</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>Classifications of Gin</u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
London Dry Gin is the dominant English style of gin. As a
style it lends itself particularly well to mixing. London Dry Gin is the
dominant Gin style in the United Kingdom, former British colonies, the United
States, and Spain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Plymouth Gin is relatively full-bodied (when compared to London
Dry Gin). It is clear, slightly fruity, and very aromatic. Originally the local
Gin style of the English Channel port of Plymouth, modern Plymouth Gin is
nowadays made only by one distillery in Plymouth, Coates & Co., which also
controls the right to the term Plymouth Gin.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Old Tom Gin is the last remaining example of the original
lightly sweetened gins that were so popular in 18th-century England. The name
comes from what may be the first example of a beverage vending machine. In the
1700s some pubs in England would have a wooden plaque shaped like a black cat
(an "Old Tom") mounted on the outside wall. Thirsty passersby would
deposit a penny in the cat’s mouth and place their lips around a small tube
between the cat’s paws. The bartender inside would then pour a shot of gin
through the tube and into the customer’s waiting mouth. Until fairly recently
limited quantities of Old Tom-style Gin were still being made by a few British
distillers, but they were, at best, curiosity items. Noted high-end gin maker
Tanqueray recently introduced their own Old Tom.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Genever (or Hollands) is the Dutch style of gin, distilled
from a malted grain mash similar to that used for whisky. Oude
("old") Genever is the original style. It is straw-hued, relatively
sweet and aromatic. Jonge ("young") Genever has a drier palate and
lighter body. Some genevers are aged for one to three years in oak casks.
Genevers tend to be lower proof than English gins (72-80 proof or 36-40% ABV is
typical). They are traditionally sold in a cylindrical stoneware crock and
usually served straight up and chilled. The classic accompaniment to a shot of
Genever is a dried green herring. Genever-style gins are produced in Holland,
Belgium, and Germany.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUvCmBGheTcJU1SshQi-63GcfCo7p4LWIa-TlnK67oRUODpBSv3v2I6qnAx14Bde4daILwsZZWfwnfX0vxy3xhvdEOuE-NSkH4W7t0MTmPefZibAt6d6hRU6EEYOXo1S4znHqgkxET5h4/s1600/brands_bombay_us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUvCmBGheTcJU1SshQi-63GcfCo7p4LWIa-TlnK67oRUODpBSv3v2I6qnAx14Bde4daILwsZZWfwnfX0vxy3xhvdEOuE-NSkH4W7t0MTmPefZibAt6d6hRU6EEYOXo1S4znHqgkxET5h4/s1600/brands_bombay_us.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mmmmmmmmm, botanicals</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many people don’t like the taste of gin due to the juniper.
I guess it’s an acquired taste for some, and I must have acquired it quickly,
because lads, your Wingman very much enjoys his gin and tonics. It was actually
my first adult cocktail choice. I’d just been posted to Germany in the Army,
and I wasn’t even a month past my 19<sup>th</sup> birthday. I went to a club
with a guy from my platoon, and he went to the bar & returned with a pair
of G&T’s. I loved it from the first sip. Crisp, light, refreshing, with an
interesting bite. I felt like a sophisticated grownup manly man with a cool-ass
cocktail without the harshness of a martini. My own personal tastes demand that
I make cocktails with a mixer of juice or soda instead of just straight
alcohol. Your tastes might be different. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And another kick-ass property of a G&T? It
glows in the dark under a black light. In my club days that was awesome.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin4lsH0Yj-5E0aQGT0MDYSEn2ed5HBYWPyQO_tCYUNB2EkssV9z-OShyhKvPa56ScAJ0fgHxZo3bKje2IFVDMVLttcMbiAfu-TxeNU2DxzL0aOUHlHDiP70Lgw-lhyXVBrYgX945niVP8/s1600/FBR67RIGQBCIBA6.LARGE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin4lsH0Yj-5E0aQGT0MDYSEn2ed5HBYWPyQO_tCYUNB2EkssV9z-OShyhKvPa56ScAJ0fgHxZo3bKje2IFVDMVLttcMbiAfu-TxeNU2DxzL0aOUHlHDiP70Lgw-lhyXVBrYgX945niVP8/s1600/FBR67RIGQBCIBA6.LARGE.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Gin and Tonic is just as timeless a classic as the
Martini. The cocktail was introduced by the British army in India. In India and
other tropical regions, malaria was a persistent problem. </div>
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In the 17th century, the Spanish had discovered that
indigenous peoples in what is now Peru used a kind of bark to address various
“fevers.” Stripped from the cinchona tree, the bark seemed to work well for
malaria. The “Jesuit’s bark,” as it was known, quickly became a favored treatment
for malaria in Europe. Eventually it became clear that cinchona bark could be
used not only to treat malaria, but also to prevent it. The bark—and its active
ingredient, quinine powder—was a powerful medicine. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In the 1700s it was discovered that quinine could be used to
prevent and treat malaria, although the bitter taste was unpleasant. British
officers in India in the early 19th century took to adding a mixture of water,
sugar, lime and gin to the quinine in order to make the drink more palatable.
Soldiers in India were already given a gin ration, and the sweet concoction
made sense. Since it is no longer used as an antimalarial, tonic water today
contains much less quinine, is usually sweetened, and is consequently much less
bitter. No less an authority on imperial power than Winston Churchill once
declared, “The gin and tonic has saved more Englishmen’s lives, and minds, than
all the doctors in the Empire.”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKNUkGTjoCt9ZR5ZO3G6JaFMLnVDqtOEyoxKYKmMv2gi8C0bytdOoJHsqnfvjyfQ1CvMuFD6tEofq1KXKGZtngctLRJSeIqobu49GzklENU0ESWew2CNg6HQ0LQghkCAVGgogPcjetljE/s1600/gin_tonic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKNUkGTjoCt9ZR5ZO3G6JaFMLnVDqtOEyoxKYKmMv2gi8C0bytdOoJHsqnfvjyfQ1CvMuFD6tEofq1KXKGZtngctLRJSeIqobu49GzklENU0ESWew2CNg6HQ0LQghkCAVGgogPcjetljE/s1600/gin_tonic.jpg" width="277" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><b>The Perfect Gin and Tonic</b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4 to 5 tonic water ice cubes </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3 ounces gin </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4 ounces tonic water</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lime juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lime wedge for garnish</div>
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Place the ice cubes in a tall, narrow, chilled glass (the cubes
should come near the top.) Add the gin, then the tonic water, then the lime
juice, stirring well. Garnish with lime wedge, and serve immediately.</div>
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Note: To make the ice cubes, simply fill an empty ice cube
tray with tonic water, and let the cubes freeze. It takes just a few hours.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><b>
</b></u><br />
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<u><b>The Classic Dry Gin Martini</b></u></div>
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2 ounces dry gin</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 ounce dry vermouth</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ice</div>
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Olives or a twist of lemon, for garnish</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you prefer a martini with only vodka and the barest
suggestion of vermouth, avert your eyes. Assertive gin and a healthy dose of
vermouth mix here for a smooth version of the classic. If an olive takes up too
much room in your cocktail glass, garnish with a lemon twist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Place a cocktail glass in the freezer to chill.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Combine the gin and vermouth in a shaker, fill it halfway
with ice, and stir vigorously until well chilled, about 20 seconds. Strain into
the chilled glass. Garnish with either olives or a twist of lemon. (If using a
twist, be sure to run the slice over the glass’s rim.)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><b>The Joy Division</b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 oz<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>London Dry Gin</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 oz Dry Vermouth</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
.5 oz Cointreau</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3 dashes Vieux Pontarlier Absinthe</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add all ingredients to a mixing glass and fill with ice.
Stir, and strain into a coupe glass. Garnish with a lemon twist.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I leave you with this quote from the TV show M*A*S*H*, from the first season, (March 18, 1973 episode #23 "Ceasefrire".) "I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows
somebody."-- Alan Alda as Hawkeye Pierce</div>
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</div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Who's got your back? I do.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
UPDATE 6-13-2015: The Wall Street Journal just released <a href="http://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-seriously-upgrade-your-gin-and-tonic-1434135254">THIS ARTICLE</a> about upgrading your gin and tonic with some new recipes and drink suggestions. </div>
Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-84712934022811611892015-02-07T02:01:00.001-05:002015-02-07T02:01:52.056-05:00Know Your Poisons: The Demon Rum<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rum is a distillation made from sugarcane byproducts, such
as molasses, or directly from sugarcane juice, by a process of fermentation and
distillation. The distillate, a clear liquid, is then usually aged in oak
barrels. Rum is often described in Spanish as being <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ron viejo</i> ("old rum") and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ron añejo</i> ("aged rum"). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The history of rum is rooted in the sugar trade. When sugar plantations
in the Caribbean found that when the molasses leftovers from cane processing
was mixed with water and left in the sun it fermented (duh) and we all know
that what ferments can most often be turned into hootch. By the 1650s what was
once a waste product was being distilled into the signature spirit of the
region and became a staple on sailing ships. In the English colonies it was called
Kill Devil or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">rumbullion</i>, later
shortened to rum.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMRXqDmlIhb4U6y_m2lp7zJdNdnKePMxZtbsHvrUqvCV5jYQA6fonEpjK5X4pHM7ZY2uNBMNtuQIz5D3-iIm3M67o8KuEYE1J_t5McZXqyHzyuglq903SbdBWNL2q8iLmh8JdfZ7b9uDw/s1600/rum-coke.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMRXqDmlIhb4U6y_m2lp7zJdNdnKePMxZtbsHvrUqvCV5jYQA6fonEpjK5X4pHM7ZY2uNBMNtuQIz5D3-iIm3M67o8KuEYE1J_t5McZXqyHzyuglq903SbdBWNL2q8iLmh8JdfZ7b9uDw/s1600/rum-coke.jpg" height="400" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The classic rum & cola</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Within the Caribbean, each island or production area has a
unique style. For the most part, these styles can be grouped by the language
traditionally spoken on the island. Due to the overwhelming influence of Puerto
Rican rum, most rum consumed in the United States is produced in the
'Spanish-speaking' style.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
English-speaking islands and countries are known for darker
rums with a fuller taste that retains a greater amount of the underlying
molasses flavor. Rums from Trinidad and Tobago, Grenada, Barbados, St.Lucia,
Belize, Bermuda, Saint Kitts, Jamaica, and the Demerara region of Guyana are
typical of this style.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-4tNBhRDYxkH6iuv5HnNvihW8gXHhNajgNiS-5-oPf3yBxtBKZaImspivZd0G00Zlve0bsRmEJprGqagqac0OHGko8O1xMA5CgJZVc2xLa4xgh8KYLtWOJyOwP-uwZMm7WDiPrAuf22M/s1600/kraken.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-4tNBhRDYxkH6iuv5HnNvihW8gXHhNajgNiS-5-oPf3yBxtBKZaImspivZd0G00Zlve0bsRmEJprGqagqac0OHGko8O1xMA5CgJZVc2xLa4xgh8KYLtWOJyOwP-uwZMm7WDiPrAuf22M/s1600/kraken.jpg" height="400" width="282" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Wingman's rum of choice is Kraken. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
French-speaking islands are best known for their
agricultural rums (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">rhum agricole</i>).
These rums, being produced exclusively from sugar cane juice, retain a greater
amount of the original flavor of the sugar cane and are generally more
expensive than molasses-based rums. Rums from Haiti, Guadeloupe, and Martinique
are typical of this style.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAdWd980F9lG7TYhj5vZ6Z1kyCCnJ9X6FH6YDPK1o2-sEOpHWtuGY2h8grFtlccsdVDTucSmU2Tv_dqz7grjPe8N-Uh92wum0rCMBpYCM95rwYyuSNvVbI8MClq6d9dTHvplZETEeebno/s1600/clement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAdWd980F9lG7TYhj5vZ6Z1kyCCnJ9X6FH6YDPK1o2-sEOpHWtuGY2h8grFtlccsdVDTucSmU2Tv_dqz7grjPe8N-Uh92wum0rCMBpYCM95rwYyuSNvVbI8MClq6d9dTHvplZETEeebno/s1600/clement.jpg" height="400" width="168" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Spanish-speaking islands and countries traditionally produce
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">añejo</i> rums with a fairly smooth
taste. Rums from Cuba, Guatemala, Panama, the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua,
Puerto Rico, Colombia and Venezuela are typical of this style. Rum from the
U.S. Virgin Islands is also of this style. The Canary Islands produces honey
rum known as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ron miel de Canarias</i> and
carries a geographical designation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguMBnXK2L0ojDM2VSP7oAf6rdwsRV7HBzZGdl0bVnxxHE-7ArtcNPwmzDYzUIZZDFCrywTGt-MtU2RK2dLHYLl5pr4XwcIvRg76-CoWPhUDuRCjB9rl8xioMmHOq2bVUD3gjljgzp20pY/s1600/bacardi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguMBnXK2L0ojDM2VSP7oAf6rdwsRV7HBzZGdl0bVnxxHE-7ArtcNPwmzDYzUIZZDFCrywTGt-MtU2RK2dLHYLl5pr4XwcIvRg76-CoWPhUDuRCjB9rl8xioMmHOq2bVUD3gjljgzp20pY/s1600/bacardi.jpg" height="320" width="228" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cachaça is a spirit similar to rum that is produced in
Brazil. (Some countries, including the United States, classify cachaça as a
type of rum.) Seco, from Panama, is also a spirit similar to rum, but also
similar to vodka since it is triple distilled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2hDxUFcXVT_Xb1d6iHsO6LGqFArkwp3yu5VZYbl3S3IDO4PEGIsjfSaeEt1ztMpKKUBCcCF7Rs5h6JMktURj2FMVrFnm6eKH5WKQMRTeG_hGJkpLIykrwv4V_qNPa0_ws_Rizc5hrMqk/s1600/leblon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2hDxUFcXVT_Xb1d6iHsO6LGqFArkwp3yu5VZYbl3S3IDO4PEGIsjfSaeEt1ztMpKKUBCcCF7Rs5h6JMktURj2FMVrFnm6eKH5WKQMRTeG_hGJkpLIykrwv4V_qNPa0_ws_Rizc5hrMqk/s1600/leblon.jpg" height="320" width="195" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unlike some other spirits, rum has no defined production
methods. Instead, rum production is based on traditional styles that vary
between locations and distillers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sugarcane is harvested to make sugarcane juice and molasses.
Most rum produced is made from molasses and in the Caribbean region much of
this molasses is from Brazil. A notable exception is the French-speaking
islands, where sugarcane juice is the preferred base ingredient. In Brazil
itself, the distilled alcoholic beverage derived from cane juice is
distinguished from rum and called cachaça.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHRoffXFPRo53-cfpxcnKIu0ja5WJsErO4FHQP3w9Gs6m1hkaTP3wTJ1XPGb_x-pP2A8oEIaRzvwaZxWq1VwsqBCVNQbeAzCGVxWOEZyf6UINqVaWqJ2i-IElHRQ7DPYI7u8zzoiqgq3g/s1600/istock_sugarcane1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHRoffXFPRo53-cfpxcnKIu0ja5WJsErO4FHQP3w9Gs6m1hkaTP3wTJ1XPGb_x-pP2A8oEIaRzvwaZxWq1VwsqBCVNQbeAzCGVxWOEZyf6UINqVaWqJ2i-IElHRQ7DPYI7u8zzoiqgq3g/s1600/istock_sugarcane1.jpg" height="267" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeast and water are added to the base ingredient to start the
fermentation process. While some rum producers allow wild yeasts to perform the
fermentation, most use specific strains of yeast to help provide a consistent
taste and predictable fermentation time. Dunder, the yeast-rich foam from
previous fermentations, is the traditional yeast source in Jamaica. Distillers
who make lighter rums, such as Bacardi, prefer to use faster-working yeasts. The
use of slower-working yeasts causes more esters to accumulate during
fermentation, allowing for a more fuller-tasting rum.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As with all other aspects of rum production, no standard
method is used for distillation, either. While some producers work in batches
using pot stills, most rum production is done using column still distillation. Pot
still output contains more congeners than the output from column stills, so
produces fuller-tasting rums. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whoa…Wait a minute,
Wingman. Pot stills? Column Stills? Congeners? </i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy6sgVOC5unGO1zOpCcpzBoniM5zXRF110u2og3Ni4lQeWfUyNsz_9JwBEjhcx6sakLqODR81HGOBOFOJV6UQG9WECgtVqdOnsFN6ZHQaVm21uPXAPXj7RF8QH-cdXTTKs49mMI67pNv8/s1600/622x350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy6sgVOC5unGO1zOpCcpzBoniM5zXRF110u2og3Ni4lQeWfUyNsz_9JwBEjhcx6sakLqODR81HGOBOFOJV6UQG9WECgtVqdOnsFN6ZHQaVm21uPXAPXj7RF8QH-cdXTTKs49mMI67pNv8/s1600/622x350.jpg" height="320" width="280" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With pot distillation, you put a batch of fermented liquid called
mash into a copper pot. You cap and seal the pot and heat it. As the liquid
heats up, the alcohol in the liquid boils first (because alcohol boils at a
lower temperature than water does) and turns to vapor. The alcohol vapors rise
up into the head of the still; then they're drawn off into an arm and then to a
coil. The coil is submerged in cool water, which condenses the alcohol back
into liquid. The liquid alcohol, called neutral spirits, runs out of the coil
and into a collection vessel.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAQpiC8lC4p_88Kla29Cdhs4lo5yzQ_RNeGZWKLAZHxwDVC9aQ7T9QtWz_gjOHILV_shIq8rU1nMqKbioOo0OhnypDYJ4raUA1yyZThBKWYmRoVvywUsaSkQupxO4gDynNXLH23K_4mr0/s1600/Pot_Still_Diagram.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAQpiC8lC4p_88Kla29Cdhs4lo5yzQ_RNeGZWKLAZHxwDVC9aQ7T9QtWz_gjOHILV_shIq8rU1nMqKbioOo0OhnypDYJ4raUA1yyZThBKWYmRoVvywUsaSkQupxO4gDynNXLH23K_4mr0/s1600/Pot_Still_Diagram.jpg" height="307" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, the vapors that rise are never purely ethanol. If they
were, every batch of liquor, whether you’re distilling vodka, rum, tequila,
gin, whiskey, or brandy, would taste like Everclear. The vapors are a mix of
alcohol and congeners and other compounds that provide flavor and aroma. Congeners
are substances other than alcohol produced during fermentation. Congeners are
responsible for most of the taste and aroma of distilled alcoholic beverages
and many believe that these substances contribute to the symptoms of a hangover.
The more times a spirit is distilled, the more impurities and excess congeners
are removed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A pot still allows a distiller to make only one batch of
spirits at a time, and so the still needs to be emptied out and cleaned up
before the next batch can begin. Also, pot stills can only distill to a certain
level of purity: usually between 60 and 80 percent alcohol by volume.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd2_Zf9bZCDo35Yx3EtP4Y1slT1O1fWaRzZv1AcH_B0fjMlFV7X52IU8n13_9GnKEm4f1W-fQvjyoSdednpmfGLZs0-_0ESWP6yjldM0ZhyevdJDr2HCpsXUaBzOj_2wCHBBFHZparUfo/s1600/foto_geschiedenis18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd2_Zf9bZCDo35Yx3EtP4Y1slT1O1fWaRzZv1AcH_B0fjMlFV7X52IU8n13_9GnKEm4f1W-fQvjyoSdednpmfGLZs0-_0ESWP6yjldM0ZhyevdJDr2HCpsXUaBzOj_2wCHBBFHZparUfo/s1600/foto_geschiedenis18.jpg" height="320" width="246" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a column still, imagine a tall column filled with pot
still upon pot still upon pot still. A column still has partitions, or
perforated plates, that set up chambers within the still. The mash enters near
the top of the still and immediately starts to sink. The mash, at this point,
is still low in alcohol.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The still is constantly heated from the bottom. Usually this
entails pumping steam in to the bottom of the still and letting it rise. The
top of the column is the coolest part, so as the mash enters, it sinks toward
the bottom. As the liquid interacts with the steam, the heat vaporizes the mash
and forces the alcohol and other volatile molecules up the still. (Water and
grain solids in the mash fall back to the bottom of the still.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each time the vapors hit a plate, they start to condense
again, and as they condense, the heavier stuff (such as the congeners) stays
behind in the condensation. As the vapors rise from chamber to chamber, and
from plate to plate, they shed more of the stuff that isn't ethanol and keep
more of the stuff that is ethanol.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The alcohol vapor is diverted out of the top of the still
and into a condenser, where it condenses out into liquid again. In some cases,
the spirit is then redistilled at least once, sometimes in a pot still,
sometimes in another column still. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pot stills are made of copper. Column stills are sometimes
made from copper, sometimes from stainless steel, or sometimes from a mix. Of
you might find an all-stainless still with copper elements inside it. Why all
the copper? Copper strips most of the sulfur that arises naturally during
fermentation. It lends a sour taste to spirits, so it's best to remove it. Sulfur
reacts with copper to form copper sulfate, which separates from the distillate,
removing the rotten egg sulfur aromas from the final product.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thus endeth the lesson in distilling alcohol. Now, back to
the rum.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxIrMIrEupxc8-0IfDItomYrMcH9L5V_YoepLV7vxxb66E3acF5HZGwTqZIE-5WjZ1GgPGJ960Q_StBBK26txxAd1VkwsEzgVVd7t-PqOcSiEJ0nmVlrxFLsph2dGwZ_8opJEe2nw5r8w/s1600/f7e9db4a.jpg.505x650_q85.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxIrMIrEupxc8-0IfDItomYrMcH9L5V_YoepLV7vxxb66E3acF5HZGwTqZIE-5WjZ1GgPGJ960Q_StBBK26txxAd1VkwsEzgVVd7t-PqOcSiEJ0nmVlrxFLsph2dGwZ_8opJEe2nw5r8w/s1600/f7e9db4a.jpg.505x650_q85.jpg" height="320" width="313" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a real product, aged 7 years in Panama by a master Cuban-born rum maker.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Many countries require rum to be aged for at least one year.
This aging is commonly performed in used bourbon casks, but may also be
performed in other types of wooden casks or stainless steel tanks. The aging
process determines the color of the rum. When aged in oak casks, it becomes
dark, whereas rum aged in stainless steel tanks remains virtually colorless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Due to the tropical climate common to most rum-producing
areas, rum matures at a much higher rate than is typical for whiskey or brandy.
An indication of this higher rate is the “angels' share”, or amount of product
lost to evaporation. While products aged in France or Scotland see about 2%
loss each year, tropical rum producers may see as much as 10%. The opposite of
the Angels’ Share is the Devil’s Cut, or essences of the aged liquors that
remain trapped in the wood of the aging casks. More on that when we get to
whiskies.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After aging, rum is normally blended to ensure a consistent
flavor. Blending is the final step in the rum-making process. In fact, blending
is common in many distilling operations, especially in Scotch and other
whiskies. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As part of this blending process, light rums may be filtered to
remove any color gained during aging. For darker rums, caramel may be added to
adjust the color of the final product.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfpAChrjDdycMyzpoP943rzyiLV8BnT8pKsEOBnXiO3YkIryhef9enVQiECQygy4DgnNUzxCA5ngOiVRCbj0OCZpc_jdPa-L2mszpULQbuKSl5UID2zMB3wwtbPCz4GqoIzQMb7NnANTY/s1600/RumRoster_2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfpAChrjDdycMyzpoP943rzyiLV8BnT8pKsEOBnXiO3YkIryhef9enVQiECQygy4DgnNUzxCA5ngOiVRCbj0OCZpc_jdPa-L2mszpULQbuKSl5UID2zMB3wwtbPCz4GqoIzQMb7NnANTY/s1600/RumRoster_2.png" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The grades and variations used to describe rum depend on the
location where a rum was produced. Despite these variations, the following
terms are frequently used to describe various types of rum:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dark rums, also known by their particular color, such as
brown, black, or red rums, are classed as a grade darker than gold rums. They
are usually made from caramelized sugar or molasses. They are generally aged
longer, in heavily-charred barrels, giving them much stronger flavors than
either light or gold rums, and hints of spices can be detected, along with a
strong molasses or caramel overtone. They commonly provide substance in rum
drinks, as well as color. In addition, dark rum is the type most commonly used
in cooking.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5_6V1mFiluuPlFnKiA6uoP8an9uZM07D6Wm6h0ghCyajlUIeBVKs5dwZ23QNrSQgNPzGS6drmp3Igofpb_Vnsiv5E1d6vaR-q0YNreQiWZ30JP4xkLloC-U_9Yt9jb55-Y_DeEZgqa_E/s1600/Goslings-Black-Seal-Rum-Bottle.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5_6V1mFiluuPlFnKiA6uoP8an9uZM07D6Wm6h0ghCyajlUIeBVKs5dwZ23QNrSQgNPzGS6drmp3Igofpb_Vnsiv5E1d6vaR-q0YNreQiWZ30JP4xkLloC-U_9Yt9jb55-Y_DeEZgqa_E/s1600/Goslings-Black-Seal-Rum-Bottle.jpeg" height="400" width="186" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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Flavored rums are infused with flavors of fruits, such as
banana, mango, orange, citrus, coconut, starfruit or lime. These are generally
less than 80 proof. They mostly serve to flavor similarly-themed tropical
drinks but are also often drunk neat or with ice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6iRlkRjTvfJs3pLTWTAeVu8LJOpkaHINCdy4Xp1zSQmiZ9EdXVxYD8mzNDHtbCWww4pnRQV1-SdafWAcCUe9tcTGxi3F9Ncr4Wl_6uWC1JmlvlHi8YPJ4REYyRgW4qWx1R0G5va2tNuM/s1600/54.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6iRlkRjTvfJs3pLTWTAeVu8LJOpkaHINCdy4Xp1zSQmiZ9EdXVxYD8mzNDHtbCWww4pnRQV1-SdafWAcCUe9tcTGxi3F9Ncr4Wl_6uWC1JmlvlHi8YPJ4REYyRgW4qWx1R0G5va2tNuM/s1600/54.jpg" height="320" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gold rums, also called "amber" rums, are
medium-bodied rums that are generally aged. These gain their dark color from
aging in wooden barrels (usually the charred, white oak barrels that are the
byproduct of Bourbon whiskey). They have more flavor and are stronger-tasting
than light rum, and can be considered midway between light rum and the darker
varieties.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNXK2-aRNRL3M9jLMpwX2ooOpjyHFIfDGLEYeu2kOL-N-q_QdrD-6Tzt6O1pXDfRpd4z5JXEI7qN5Q1dpZy3c6cEn7nqLRWDaQddG1wxmsHVT5jjeyv4DbEpqEu-cHSU9mXp5A-yQHElY/s1600/Golden-70cl_WW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNXK2-aRNRL3M9jLMpwX2ooOpjyHFIfDGLEYeu2kOL-N-q_QdrD-6Tzt6O1pXDfRpd4z5JXEI7qN5Q1dpZy3c6cEn7nqLRWDaQddG1wxmsHVT5jjeyv4DbEpqEu-cHSU9mXp5A-yQHElY/s1600/Golden-70cl_WW.jpg" height="320" width="100" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Light rums, also referred to as "silver" or
"white" rums, in general, have very little flavor aside from a
general sweetness. Light rums are sometimes filtered after aging to remove any
color. Brazilian cachaça is generally this type, but some varieties are more
akin to "gold rums". The majority of light rums come from Puerto
Rico. Their milder flavors make them popular for use in mixed drinks, as
opposed to drinking them straight.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJIVZ-6tnHnjTeopWewvaMZTeVHgX2CtF0FNafxWtpSIvbEh8DTs2wKFqN8Dj_-yfiDN7r35Pm472-UL7JZdpeDsO2yOhJ1QZJy0Ja6lFKmBBmH4nmJztMr2iSvCTf9GOQCOSxysIMJSg/s1600/Naked-Turtle-White-Rum_1024x1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJIVZ-6tnHnjTeopWewvaMZTeVHgX2CtF0FNafxWtpSIvbEh8DTs2wKFqN8Dj_-yfiDN7r35Pm472-UL7JZdpeDsO2yOhJ1QZJy0Ja6lFKmBBmH4nmJztMr2iSvCTf9GOQCOSxysIMJSg/s1600/Naked-Turtle-White-Rum_1024x1024.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Overproof rums are
much higher than the standard 80 proof, with many as high as 150 proof to 160
proof available. They are usually used in mixed drinks. The prime example of an
overproof is Bacardi 151. </div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0BI4YPTseNSKrHLNhX2AH_gfSmouvSeOOHz3xbjIqrB9XpvEsjwoyMnCmyYD0cPgNA0ZvohibJf4Kk-KEA2FgfKwsDao-c8-l0MKOpi0DUp9CyCOeh0w4KyhFpi17Hah0wxXNP3kFIJE/s1600/151.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0BI4YPTseNSKrHLNhX2AH_gfSmouvSeOOHz3xbjIqrB9XpvEsjwoyMnCmyYD0cPgNA0ZvohibJf4Kk-KEA2FgfKwsDao-c8-l0MKOpi0DUp9CyCOeh0w4KyhFpi17Hah0wxXNP3kFIJE/s1600/151.jpg" height="321" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, c'mon...who among us hasn't?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Premium rums, as with other sipping spirits such as Cognac
and Scotch, are in a special market category. These are generally from boutique
brands that sell carefully produced and aged rums. They have more character and
flavor than their "mixing" counterparts and are generally consumed
straight.</div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ROsdFN6HewYYzVztGMcTkWNVLdjeoziUft07AarmIq1aa2uapfxB_FsZSKrY0Ue-N4ViD0GDcdvQRoTGsq7PA8KZHzhpvFVBVVYSaZYuJdPP3tTk1i3dbMBT_Lnt2pdtKfbF6WwtuzQ/s1600/pyrat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ROsdFN6HewYYzVztGMcTkWNVLdjeoziUft07AarmIq1aa2uapfxB_FsZSKrY0Ue-N4ViD0GDcdvQRoTGsq7PA8KZHzhpvFVBVVYSaZYuJdPP3tTk1i3dbMBT_Lnt2pdtKfbF6WwtuzQ/s1600/pyrat.jpg" height="320" width="228" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dude, that's a $240 bottle of rum.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Spiced rums obtain their flavors through the addition of
spices and, sometimes, caramel. Most are darker in color, and based on gold
rums. Some are significantly darker, while many cheaper brands are made from
inexpensive white rums and darkened with caramel color. Among the spices added
are cinnamon, rosemary, absinthe/aniseed, or pepper.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfqnp4jSNiTSF24xTrB4aq5pjiSd3RUF931ADrssTkIJ_4JTm_5ZviL5vQFjEnpa812Tzo-IxIl3B59oB3UUVbiZIY0EJj2IAEwHqqxvbO9nAUal0f-8DAIaY90fnEFl7Qid5XvTJuU34/s1600/129230.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfqnp4jSNiTSF24xTrB4aq5pjiSd3RUF931ADrssTkIJ_4JTm_5ZviL5vQFjEnpa812Tzo-IxIl3B59oB3UUVbiZIY0EJj2IAEwHqqxvbO9nAUal0f-8DAIaY90fnEFl7Qid5XvTJuU34/s1600/129230.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We've all partied with The Captain. Don't lie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
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Okay, gents. Now you know all about rum. Go forth and drink
responsibly and intelligently. And while we’re at it, have a recipe or two.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSfsBvSrHDjahaKHdFDZd_VRNRr5RQnFGGk6i2ruovaNVMoZTvSiKa_vn3Rhc6Vp5JumfT9e_QAndqYJbTd_nncgj1HELNXBaupAuRTlT0VVqRZTv1huWZ0Req_3zkS-O4HcpnI6f68u4/s1600/hot-caramel-buttered-rum.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSfsBvSrHDjahaKHdFDZd_VRNRr5RQnFGGk6i2ruovaNVMoZTvSiKa_vn3Rhc6Vp5JumfT9e_QAndqYJbTd_nncgj1HELNXBaupAuRTlT0VVqRZTv1huWZ0Req_3zkS-O4HcpnI6f68u4/s1600/hot-caramel-buttered-rum.jpeg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Hot Buttered Caramel Rum </b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2 Tbsp Unsalted
butter, softened</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2 Tbsp Brown sugar</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2 Tbsp Honey</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1 tsp Ground
cinnamon</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>.5 tsp Ground
cloves</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>.5 tsp Ground
nutmeg</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3 oz aged rum</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1 oz caramel vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1 cup hot water,
plus more if desired</div>
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<br /></div>
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In a mug, stir together the butter, brown sugar, honey and
spices until they’ve formed a batter. Add the remaining ingredients and stir
vigorously until the batter is fully dissolved. Garnish with a cinnamon stick.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPdEIjrWq1p8_7VWmRwCXwvnQX5TMiW63X_g3Ue0q5njdBjnMlMUIeNdley7hRaZbKAq8xwdQ8VfzTteMwGr8gssaQ866l-0t87A9NiMf3U8oaGhFxvIUOVYhdXmL6SO21S5fwNbg-C2I/s1600/darknstormy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPdEIjrWq1p8_7VWmRwCXwvnQX5TMiW63X_g3Ue0q5njdBjnMlMUIeNdley7hRaZbKAq8xwdQ8VfzTteMwGr8gssaQ866l-0t87A9NiMf3U8oaGhFxvIUOVYhdXmL6SO21S5fwNbg-C2I/s1600/darknstormy.jpg" height="320" width="204" /></a></div>
<b> The Dark & Stormy</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
1.5 oz Gosling's Black Seal Rum<br /> Gosling's Stormy Ginger Beer (not ginger ale. Know the difference)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /> In a highball glass filled with ice add 4 - 5 oz of Gosling's Stormy Ginger
Beer </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and top with Gosling's Black Seal Rum. Garnish with a lime wedge.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVFfBLiUTVWFuaBC9-bapE0qcDZH4hvZ19LmFHeVJ00GZvslEuTHsPYKQQgr5CNCF9O3JfCaIU0UeTqwu8t4SUqd9U3cnnBAN6NNFUg-69JYUnK2RrTLzzXarBOq41NNw23iUfR6OVNhE/s1600/000s_105.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVFfBLiUTVWFuaBC9-bapE0qcDZH4hvZ19LmFHeVJ00GZvslEuTHsPYKQQgr5CNCF9O3JfCaIU0UeTqwu8t4SUqd9U3cnnBAN6NNFUg-69JYUnK2RrTLzzXarBOq41NNw23iUfR6OVNhE/s1600/000s_105.jpg" height="400" width="333" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who's got your back? I do</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
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</div>
Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-31268533088514528472015-02-04T22:19:00.001-05:002015-02-04T22:19:53.246-05:00New Series: Know Your Poisons<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj710wXNm182YScG52c6ZNPvwt88r13p-_a7N-IIrN4jh3vBS-clBVvijkxAOIKvoV-xa7RUlvfYmt5ojTJNYW1-EtuySKBeQEV_ifWNOhBNe2Qr4H8of59RVXpwhLVuyJUbw9yb9okIEQ/s1600/17509-strawberry-cocktail-1920x1200-photography-wallpaper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj710wXNm182YScG52c6ZNPvwt88r13p-_a7N-IIrN4jh3vBS-clBVvijkxAOIKvoV-xa7RUlvfYmt5ojTJNYW1-EtuySKBeQEV_ifWNOhBNe2Qr4H8of59RVXpwhLVuyJUbw9yb9okIEQ/s1600/17509-strawberry-cocktail-1920x1200-photography-wallpaper.jpg" height="400" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the first in a new series of articles designed to educate
you on alcohol. The more you know, the better, sayeth The Wingman. The more you
know, the more you’ll appreciate what it is you’re drinking. Any dipshit can
guzzle rotgut swill. If you appreciate and respect your libation, you’ll tend
to drink more sophisticated drinks and higher quality drinks, within your
budgetary constraints of course. And just because something is expensive that
doesn’t always mean it’s good; I’ve had a $75.00 bottle of wine that tasted
like monkey piss and a $5.00 Rioja Tempranillo that was heavenly. </div>
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As with all things I encourage you to experiment and find
your taste, and execute with taste, and execute in tasteful moderation. No one
likes a drunk, and from experience it is far more fun to catch a light buzz and
then watch the sloppy drunks make asses of themselves. But sip and taste and
imbibe and find what suits your palate best. What I like isn’t necessarily what
you’ll like. Personally, I don’t like tequila (too much cheap tequila shots in
the Army) and while I like the malty bitterness of stout, I dislike the hoppy
bitterness of IPA.</div>
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</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEvVR3nuwmh5FIroFmVVY2bvFiNA4avCI_fvTKmmWgKelim9QhxW9Ugk98wHkWZ5-ZiNVlbwnkeCHEv2yMFh_7XYJzLcJQ5rKn-2Qm7M7kxJt5G1TdDD_ilAeq2a7aAXNTgPJGiSocwT8/s1600/5eb8eb324f6e9323b6233e95546b8bb2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEvVR3nuwmh5FIroFmVVY2bvFiNA4avCI_fvTKmmWgKelim9QhxW9Ugk98wHkWZ5-ZiNVlbwnkeCHEv2yMFh_7XYJzLcJQ5rKn-2Qm7M7kxJt5G1TdDD_ilAeq2a7aAXNTgPJGiSocwT8/s1600/5eb8eb324f6e9323b6233e95546b8bb2.jpg" height="280" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope to teach you a bit about the popular varieties of
liquors and then move on to beers and then wines. I haven’t decided yet if I
will get into cordials. We shall see. I likely will, since most of you are probably
unfamiliar with the term, and the only cordial you’d recognize is Jaegermeister.
And The Wingman is pretty sure you’re drinking that all wrong to the point
where Germans laugh at you. But we’ll get to that later.</div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJa1Nir4v3tqCzhYjgIJ2vks2Cpe5bH4tYLqGEUX7Qu77P6g9-YEDf1wbfEa2dd7A9OWlaDE4zeWYGWBjNQHKIkgbv9XuPbv6w9ENOsVCL6H-cbH565rcAVjr6R5UMuHxYBveOZWS345A/s1600/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJa1Nir4v3tqCzhYjgIJ2vks2Cpe5bH4tYLqGEUX7Qu77P6g9-YEDf1wbfEa2dd7A9OWlaDE4zeWYGWBjNQHKIkgbv9XuPbv6w9ENOsVCL6H-cbH565rcAVjr6R5UMuHxYBveOZWS345A/s1600/5.jpg" height="319" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trust me; this is not what you think it is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Since time began, man has imbibed alcohol. Why? For practical reasons at first, and then for the impractical. In Them Olden Days, alcohol was safer to drink than the water. Water was untreated and unclean. It contained icky microbes and other fell stuff. The water supply was peed in, crapped in, things were washed in it if washed at all, bodies may be dumped in it...just nasty. Alcohol killed the toxic stuff in the water. In the case of beer, it provided needed carbs for fortification during religious fasting. Trust me; this is why the best beers were developed by monks. And brewing and distilling ensured that crop overages would not rot and go to waste after the harvest. What wasn't milled into flour or consumed at the table was turned into liquor or wine or beer. And look, think of how dreary it was 300 years ago with no electricity, no entertainment, no toilet paper, no shaving of legs and armpits on the ladies, no deodorant, no shampoo, no toothpaste....hell, I'd get drunk to escape the misery of life too. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyjwC8sLZ15ImcgVR6sEOiUnmU9P1OJ5dfBflbbeX4As3nFxQONQhLOeaRGeG9ZStQKWjjG3ROBEUySSzrVCkU9fB2NYXxZrDH1-fqikAOLwHeq6QcdD9FQH8_kgnF2bwGG91jl0G9EB0/s1600/Frank-Sinatra-Quote-on-Drinking-500x354-300x212.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyjwC8sLZ15ImcgVR6sEOiUnmU9P1OJ5dfBflbbeX4As3nFxQONQhLOeaRGeG9ZStQKWjjG3ROBEUySSzrVCkU9fB2NYXxZrDH1-fqikAOLwHeq6QcdD9FQH8_kgnF2bwGG91jl0G9EB0/s1600/Frank-Sinatra-Quote-on-Drinking-500x354-300x212.jpg" height="258" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this series we’ll cover the main varieties of liquor, from rum to vodka
to gin to tequila. When we get to whiskies, I’m going to split it up a bit and
cover Scotch as its own topic. These core liquors form the well around which
all bars are set up. Know your liquors and you'll go far.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlrd-WV3kqycF9QCjcuizsblpEZKvP5J1YYChb88Ya3I0U2BZt0pzpnxH41eCjA2EkAEBz1oZO-sWatTbg5DJgIMM90kVddqanqVFns5KAZXWBZYRwHhRGWuNJtcAYdITEfkYs5mC4Vyg/s1600/berri-sophisticated-cocktail-drink-recipe.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlrd-WV3kqycF9QCjcuizsblpEZKvP5J1YYChb88Ya3I0U2BZt0pzpnxH41eCjA2EkAEBz1oZO-sWatTbg5DJgIMM90kVddqanqVFns5KAZXWBZYRwHhRGWuNJtcAYdITEfkYs5mC4Vyg/s1600/berri-sophisticated-cocktail-drink-recipe.png" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Who's got your back? I do.</div>
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Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-50578513902469311902015-01-07T22:01:00.000-05:002015-01-07T22:01:19.818-05:00Relaunching The Savvy Guyde<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsHiT-VysOgRa7PSuPNagTA1m-zGxsGomNioLT3e_Gbhyphenhyphen2mJEPjS-BuQKexdDX3oneb0uu1iwtHfu7JOFK4xnkZpVWED0nTSbR0sDrr7CKZZMhlyaRGeC_GB6IP57Y-FfoaIOrOGtOyp8/s1600/burner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsHiT-VysOgRa7PSuPNagTA1m-zGxsGomNioLT3e_Gbhyphenhyphen2mJEPjS-BuQKexdDX3oneb0uu1iwtHfu7JOFK4xnkZpVWED0nTSbR0sDrr7CKZZMhlyaRGeC_GB6IP57Y-FfoaIOrOGtOyp8/s1600/burner.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Time to kick the tires & light the fires. Let's launch.</td></tr>
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<br />
Okay, your Wingman has been a slack ass. I've neglected you. I've allowed the site to go a bit fallow and you, my dear readers, have been left to wander in the dark without my guiding light. In 2015, I shall endeavor to rectify this, but I need your help.<br />
<br />
I'm here to dispense advice and helpful hints, to impart to you my wisdom gleaned the hard way, from brutal life experience and from my own research. But sometimes even I don't know what you don't know, so you have to tell me. What do you need and want to know? What questions do you need answers to? What sort of articles do you want to see here?<br />
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Do you want more cooking know-how? Do you want to learn a bit about wines or beers or spirits? Subtle fashion tips? Grooming and manscaping? Questions about pleasing the other human on your mattress? Hell, do you have questions about guns? Your Wingman is a shooter and used to carry guns for a living in a previous life. I'm a versatile dude, as should you be.<br />
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If you have a question or a request, you can always drop an email to steve@lightningman.org and in the subject put Savvy Guyde so I know it ain't junk mail. Or just leave a question in the comments; I read every comment that comes to the site.<br />
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I fully intend to keep up with music that doesn't suck in my Now Hear This series, and plan to keep you fed with the Starvin' Like Marvin series. And I'm renaming the series of New Stuff articles under the name of Test Flight, keeping with the Wingman theme. See what I did there? Clever bastard, I am.<br />
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So keep on reading, and tell your friends. Let's grow the site and all will be right in the world.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIPDz1WTFW_OIGGeSOCSeKoB3mtD8I6xv-zMMe2A4dzm9pZqBGSkqMhKxxvkSt5Ii09yTQMFxFG-ylbpiyKXBCZ-_Nf9Up_2qcgGsYjX2tlX-pYu0Sp1bGEYqU_8yywqfc57hOsNT4iwU/s1600/9-3_Cleveland2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIPDz1WTFW_OIGGeSOCSeKoB3mtD8I6xv-zMMe2A4dzm9pZqBGSkqMhKxxvkSt5Ii09yTQMFxFG-ylbpiyKXBCZ-_Nf9Up_2qcgGsYjX2tlX-pYu0Sp1bGEYqU_8yywqfc57hOsNT4iwU/s1600/9-3_Cleveland2.jpg" height="246" width="400" /></a></div>
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Who's got your back? I do.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And away we go!</td></tr>
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-31378898895454857702014-07-02T21:08:00.002-04:002014-07-02T21:08:47.606-04:00Starvin' Like Marvin: Cooking for the Savvy Guy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4k9bMaLsgUcMz3QzMxe44-8HWVIZnajM9SHLDZSmfrneJKaFoKb6RVhVq2dutXpOD3K1JdA-7mdWLQL832sZvMeiE4hlpIi3sK8nH33-WLc6C5E8D_ZgTIR8w-gmddtcbTlw5ND4A1gA/s1600/Hi+starving+I+m+dad+_dac25e3f87cc2ce6d297288c4b9d54d0.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4k9bMaLsgUcMz3QzMxe44-8HWVIZnajM9SHLDZSmfrneJKaFoKb6RVhVq2dutXpOD3K1JdA-7mdWLQL832sZvMeiE4hlpIi3sK8nH33-WLc6C5E8D_ZgTIR8w-gmddtcbTlw5ND4A1gA/s1600/Hi+starving+I+m+dad+_dac25e3f87cc2ce6d297288c4b9d54d0.png" height="214" width="320" /></a></div>
A couple years back, the fast food chain Hardee's (or if you're west of the Mississippi, Carl's Jr.) ran a series of ads with the catch phrase "Without us, some guys would starve". The implication of this is that by and large most men can't cook and without fast food they'd die of starvation.<br />
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Most single guys I've known under, say, 30 years of age honestly can't cook. They were never taught and/or never took it upon themselves to learn their way around the kitchen. If it can't be microwaved or quickly warmed in a toaster oven it simply doesn't exist in their world. If you put a gun to their heads and said, "Make a meal not containing Ramen noodles ", they'd end up with their brains splattered on the wall. If a naked Kate Upton said "Put down the PS4 controller and cook me a meal and you can have me", they'd still be fapping to Sports Illustrated after a marathon of GTA.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQsao-tvofUqcgqacVqPHa-rpxRrbEPNX0qAh5Katdd_aUEuNr7_04Ikbfaz1DE54HMCgYpdK2C92JfVVlllu5ohOwBO5LDGDHzn1cDQzsB3-XDRij_tWrHDUgVALHOyV4vXvXYqdh7I/s1600/kate_upton_sportsillustrated_130208_360.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQsao-tvofUqcgqacVqPHa-rpxRrbEPNX0qAh5Katdd_aUEuNr7_04Ikbfaz1DE54HMCgYpdK2C92JfVVlllu5ohOwBO5LDGDHzn1cDQzsB3-XDRij_tWrHDUgVALHOyV4vXvXYqdh7I/s1600/kate_upton_sportsillustrated_130208_360.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yup. She'd have to kill you.</td></tr>
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Sadly, some do attempt to cook and just end up burning water. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Tu8h-awO734GC3zVp9XZ61oSNG7QyUmcKOG6LHLXULtiiLGOOYfeyO0F0bqk16VtyPEiuivOrZSqkIX389MwcpE-IQkBmpspBBssX4N-KK5kID_EfkcpnTvfZpygHy7IvgfsrsVylII/s1600/people_who_thought_they_could_cook_06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Tu8h-awO734GC3zVp9XZ61oSNG7QyUmcKOG6LHLXULtiiLGOOYfeyO0F0bqk16VtyPEiuivOrZSqkIX389MwcpE-IQkBmpspBBssX4N-KK5kID_EfkcpnTvfZpygHy7IvgfsrsVylII/s1600/people_who_thought_they_could_cook_06.jpg" height="476" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pizza Fail</td></tr>
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Guys, seriously, cooking isn't as hard as you think. I'm self-taught. Have I made mistakes that were inedible? Of course. Baby steps, young Padawans. You're gonna stumble along the way but really, you can do this. If I can do it, anyone can. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPEP39X_odlxR1hB8JbdK7OXA9y0CnB9gQU7qe13UMjDfbfyuQ8yRoz7UhmdQx-Z7rBySfF_KqHmBXltjphrzn1JagLam4dhp3c2PqbPXfXBDtASruCtpABLGRZdUV07JKHG5NoWr6WdI/s1600/cant-cook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPEP39X_odlxR1hB8JbdK7OXA9y0CnB9gQU7qe13UMjDfbfyuQ8yRoz7UhmdQx-Z7rBySfF_KqHmBXltjphrzn1JagLam4dhp3c2PqbPXfXBDtASruCtpABLGRZdUV07JKHG5NoWr6WdI/s1600/cant-cook.jpg" height="320" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pay attention, dude. Seriously.</td></tr>
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But before we walk, we gotta crawl, right? This is a tasty and supremely simple meal that takes very little effort. Master this, and you have a foundation to proudly build upon.<br />
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(NOTE: I, um, don't exactly use standard recipe formats. Can I read and follow a recipe? Sure. I'm not an idiot. However, I do better when I just wing it. After all, I'm your Virtual Wingman, right? )<br />
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<u>Lemon-Infused Kielbasa and Broccoli</u></div>
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Go buy a standard package of kielbasa or smoked sausage. Slice it into small discs. I prefer to cut it diagonally but you really don't have to. Now take a head (also called a crown) of broccoli (fresh works better than frozen for this) and cut the florets off it. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8KTG2rta8VBlal0x5_YIwNzesF5eTzy4Ku4qAKbWgFWDHu_s9BMqjWfRqmOU50qhbW_6PJUF35hs66RQTf7WF1wcq6IMliyL49Gqf-yzsHQkMEUnv58YEitK95y114RfmZG28MT8PsyU/s1600/img_1742.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8KTG2rta8VBlal0x5_YIwNzesF5eTzy4Ku4qAKbWgFWDHu_s9BMqjWfRqmOU50qhbW_6PJUF35hs66RQTf7WF1wcq6IMliyL49Gqf-yzsHQkMEUnv58YEitK95y114RfmZG28MT8PsyU/s1600/img_1742.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Simple kielbasa slices. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguuyOrSXokLm2jC-mYY_rjiqboUFk3QXG3NALdIB3g-qpFWs4NoMpljQDqAEgGKj9nt86jP7YA1xhlFZzsgJFTSTJXpcyQdKDKBuImwx4NiuPGdWNJvClex8surX6S_UmlnVXikDmKouc/s1600/kielbasaslices.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguuyOrSXokLm2jC-mYY_rjiqboUFk3QXG3NALdIB3g-qpFWs4NoMpljQDqAEgGKj9nt86jP7YA1xhlFZzsgJFTSTJXpcyQdKDKBuImwx4NiuPGdWNJvClex8surX6S_UmlnVXikDmKouc/s1600/kielbasaslices.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I tend to cut mine diagonally, only because it looks cooler on the plate.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC0F6jmOz9NxinIKbAaMV2dTH6F7UcnG-Bn14dxg9HNiU81r54X9T78frcN8Ij4H7HO7Th7usl22AmdwfR_mewZBSApGl-05h2i0JLJMJaqnKfWoJhiMOeVeE7MG1PcY_OC7lheKW_79Q/s1600/16_TA_Broccoli_naked_banded.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC0F6jmOz9NxinIKbAaMV2dTH6F7UcnG-Bn14dxg9HNiU81r54X9T78frcN8Ij4H7HO7Th7usl22AmdwfR_mewZBSApGl-05h2i0JLJMJaqnKfWoJhiMOeVeE7MG1PcY_OC7lheKW_79Q/s1600/16_TA_Broccoli_naked_banded.jpg" height="320" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a fresh broccoli crown. Yes, that's a vegetable. It won't hurt you. </td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijRNNZwfsqIIJEk0SGPgukOXBNNyo4QGiu_aiwM5QeTi_nhKy1Ql81OR7Lu92W8I8WQYQ8SaePCpooLgXaKlXlBRTPPzauI-TevYw1JTuH4nh-WugI2UFp9CBgcfAbqMKzSXXGjPHbTiw/s1600/broccoli-florets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijRNNZwfsqIIJEk0SGPgukOXBNNyo4QGiu_aiwM5QeTi_nhKy1Ql81OR7Lu92W8I8WQYQ8SaePCpooLgXaKlXlBRTPPzauI-TevYw1JTuH4nh-WugI2UFp9CBgcfAbqMKzSXXGjPHbTiw/s1600/broccoli-florets.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cut the florets off and toss the stalks.</td></tr>
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Brown the sausage pieces in a little butter in a frying pan on medium heat. In a second pan (I use a wok frying pan with a glass lid) melt down some butter on medium heat and toss in the florets. Stir both frequently. Season both as they cook with lemon pepper to taste. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg751sp3ZBtIIi-YzJYaeOXlyacJNbm-ktiPHQCpjxELuA9PmE4x7h6yRhWbg5bWSnH1Zz5OP-JdDF2MNZgmbBfBnbUXzzsVAKeVeiYOz92VWJ0hCmkVVc4M76eAr2sZ7uuEQnYndv1SVU/s1600/12935985.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg751sp3ZBtIIi-YzJYaeOXlyacJNbm-ktiPHQCpjxELuA9PmE4x7h6yRhWbg5bWSnH1Zz5OP-JdDF2MNZgmbBfBnbUXzzsVAKeVeiYOz92VWJ0hCmkVVc4M76eAr2sZ7uuEQnYndv1SVU/s1600/12935985.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mrs Dash is your friend.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw4jGW0gqaNuTkuMVgS7S4TIl4RKC0lGppH3KMCnaNYyBP3kRQyjb3yoTVXK-FBnEdA5Xj_Pz2w0Od7curke3o6D8FtuURaaB10SeIDOHzRtFaf2R5vLTh4Sfi9UjvJaiJ7LtTaC9Fqu8/s1600/1003p50-lemon-juice-l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw4jGW0gqaNuTkuMVgS7S4TIl4RKC0lGppH3KMCnaNYyBP3kRQyjb3yoTVXK-FBnEdA5Xj_Pz2w0Od7curke3o6D8FtuURaaB10SeIDOHzRtFaf2R5vLTh4Sfi9UjvJaiJ7LtTaC9Fqu8/s1600/1003p50-lemon-juice-l.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The best 89 cents you'll spend all week. The rest can go in your vodka & tonic.</td></tr>
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Here comes the fun part. To the sausage and the broccoli add a healthy splash of lemon juice, about 1/4 cup to each. Give it a stir and a couple minutes to cook into the food. The sausage should have a nice char on it but don't turn it into charcoal.The broccoli should be firm but not crunchy-raw, and certainly not mushy. </div>
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Grind some fresh cracked black pepper over both and serve. </div>
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Okay guys. Challenge accepted? Or are you gonna try and impress the ladies with burnt-ass pizza ?</div>
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This is going to become a recurring feature at The Savvy Guyde. Stay tuned for more culinary advice. In the meanwhile:<br />
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Who's got your back? I do.....</div>
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Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-43669505250186348352014-04-02T14:19:00.000-04:002014-04-06T15:53:36.626-04:00Now Hear This Volume 5: Springtime Special<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Your Wingman has always got your back, and by now you should know that musically I won't steer you wrong. Last May I was ahead of the game by bringing you Capital Cities and Icona Pop, artists that hit big in summer after you already heard them here. In August I brought you Bastille and Lorde and was months ahead of the game, which meant YOU were months ahead of the game. I've tipped you to American Authors and CHVRCHES and Feathers...I simply will not steer you wrong. In fact, I steer you AWAY from crap.<br />
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Springtime for me is a time of rebirth, and a great time to pick the jams that I'll blast with the top down heading into summer. But, in order to get to the good stuff, we gotta wade through the waste and detritus.<br />
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Pharrell Williams--Happy<br />
My God this song is crap. This is the guy who helmed the BRILLIANT Gwen Stefani solo stuff? Please. Then again, I thought the 70s funk schlock of the Daft Punk he worked on and the equally useless date rape anthem from Robin Thicke. Now Pharrell and the Hogwarts Sorting Hat bring you something simply unexplainable. Some sort of 60s throwback and it does nothing for me besides make me change the station.<br />
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Coldplay--Midnight and Magic<br />
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WTF happened to Coldplay? A decade ago they were the best thing to happen to alternative music in years. Actually, I know what happened. Gwyneth Paltrow happened and they took a break from music and came back with one decent song, Viva La Vida, that I got sick of when they overplayed it, and then the wheels fell off the bus. "Paradise" was abysmal. The recent soundtrack song "Atlas" put me to sleep. And now we have two new tracks from them. "Midnight" is very ethereal and dreamy, another put-me-to-sleep song. The falsetto vocals at the beginning were a tad off-putting, and finally at the 3 minute mark a good groove got going but by 4:21 it was crap again. And "Magic" is anything but. Another dirge. The kind of loungey background music you hear at Starbucks accompanied by clicking laptop keys. I used to adore Coldplay's slower songs. "The Scientist" and "Fix You" were brilliant., as was "Trouble". But this is just lifeless. Maybe now that Chris Martin has kicked her to the curb, he can focus on better music. Note: don't watch the video for "Midnight" on acid. Or do...<br />
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Ugh...why concentrate on the bad? It's spring! Let's get the party started!<br />
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I'm gonna start with an older song that I actually thought I told you to get months ago. I apologize.<br />
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Fitz & The Tantrums-- Out Of My League<br />
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This was a grower. I wasn't really into it at first but then it finally grew on me after a few weeks. Their follow up, The Walker, hasn't. At first I thought The Walker was Foster The People, with the same whistling intro similar to Don't Stop. Speaking of Foster The People, I wasn't that impressed with their new one Coming of Age. Same estrogenical vocals as Pumped Up Kicks but less pretentious.<br />
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Kongos--Come With Me Now<br />
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The Kongos brothers, Johnny, Jessie, Daniel, and Dylan, record in Phoenix but were raised in London and South Africa. I can't explain the vibe of this song other than Midnight Oil played over the top of PeekaBoo by Siouxsie & The Banshees. Took a couple listens but it grew on me fast. And the video effects are a trip.<br />
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John Newman--Love Me Again<br />
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Blue eyed soul meets wicked grooves...I first heard of John a year or so ago when he did vocals on a track called Feel the Love by UK dance act Rudimental. He looks like a modern day Rick Astley, a dapper kid in a suit putting asses on the dancefloor.<br />
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Cherub--Doses & Mimosas<br />
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Okay...the jury is still sort of out on this one. I normally eschew falsetto vocals and songs that encourage you to get high but the groove is pretty infectious. Jordan Kelley & Jason Huber aren't necessarily what you expect to come out of the country music capital of Nashville but this track is an earworm that digs in and kinda stays there chewing on your grey matter.<br />
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Mackintosh Braun--Never Give In<br />
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The new single, form their upcoming album Arcadia, and also found on the soundtrack to the Veronica Mars movie. A little more poppy and mainstream compared to some of their more atmospheric work, this is a brilliant and happy track perfect for a drive to the beach. Portland, Oregon's Ian Mackintosh and Ben Braun first came to my attention via Grey's Anatomy, of all things. A couple of their songs have been featured on the show.<br />
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Birds of Tokyo--Lanterns and When The Night Falls Quiet<br />
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How have I not heard of these Aussies before now? Both of these songs are pure brilliance. Beautiful, melodic, pop-accessible, intelligent...no wonder the vacuous and vapid American radio public hasn't heard of them. They're brilliant like Coldplay was before they were ruined by Yoko Paltrow.<br />
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Phantogram--Fall In Love<br />
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Greenwich, New York duo Josh Carter & Sarah Barthel have managed to put together a slightly menacing and grinding track that reminds me of melodious Cocteau Twins-meets-Art of Noise in a dark back alley. Makes me wanna wear a tie, drink a martini, and brood whilst bobbing my head to the beat.<br />
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And finally, the song that will explode from your speakers in rush hour traffic if Top 40 radio doesn't destroy it first....<br />
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The Chainsmokers-- #SELFIE<br />
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Take a guy from Portland, Maine (Andrew Taggart) and a guy from New York (Alex Pall), put them in Calgary, Alberta, mix in a spoken word monologue of empty-headed dance club bathroom conversation done by Alexis Killacam and froth it in a blender full of beats and you get a snarky, infectious track about dumbass white chicks obsessed with taking selfies in the pisser in a weak-assed attempt to be popular. I absolutely love it. Superstar DJ Steve Aoki helped put the video together, and owns their label Dim Mak. He's featured in the video, along with selfies from hundreds of fans, including David Hasselhoff, Snoop Dogg, and noted club-fly and fame-whore Kylie Jenner.<br />
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Okay, gang. There you have it. Enjoy the tunes and enjoy the spring thaw. Who's got your back? I do. But first, lemme take a selfie....<br />
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-39988058976177240052014-01-29T17:38:00.000-05:002014-03-26T13:56:29.995-04:00Keep That Beard Dapper<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A dapper man takes care of himself and his appearance. You know that, of course, or else you wouldn't be here among my acolytes. As you'll recall we covered shaving in an earlier article but some of you may not be of the clean-shaven variety. You prefer the more hirsute approach to being dapper and that is perfectly acceptable; many people find it Über-sexy and très manly. Some people actually look far better with facial hair than without, including your Wingman actually. Without facial hair I look a bit like a grown up, scowling Charlie Brown minus the yellow & black shirt. But I digress. Seriously, some people look far better with a beard than without.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A beard can make all the difference in the world. Yes, that's the same guy.</td></tr>
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I've had facial hair for a long time. I had that wispy boy moustache in the latter part of high school, that timeless, age-old attempt to look more adult that usually fails and makes one look vaguely silly but it's allowable because you're still under 18. Then came my service time in the US Army, and in general facial gair is disdained in uniform. Sure, it's allowable but barely. No beards, and the moustache must be trimmed so that it barely exists, and usually makes you look like either a serial rapist or some other foul criminal when combined with a seriously short military haircut. The Navy allowed short beards for a time, up until 1984. The no-beards rule serves practical purposes, in that it maintains a certain uniformity but also because of gas masks...<br />
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<i>What? Gas masks? What the hell are you talking about, Wingman?</i><br />
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A beard prevents you from achieving a tight seal against your face with a gas mask (or even a firefighting mask), and that would allow in things like say, smoke or nerve gas and chemical agents. Trust me, from experience, it is NOT fun to have tear gas inside your mask with you. But again, I digress.<br />
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Beards have made a comeback as of late. Our Special Operations troops working in the bush in Iraq and Afghanistan have what are termed as "relaxed grooming standards" which provide for facial hair growth so the men can more easily blend in with the locals and because when you're living for weeks at a time in a primitive environment it's a bit easier to maintain. A certain segment of the population sees pictures of these bearded badasses and want to emulate that look themselves, but without the years of grueling training or actual committment to the Warrior Ethos.<br />
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Another segment of the male populace sees the crew of Duck Dynasty and wants to adopt the redneck chic persona. Those guys are all filthy rich and have high-maintenance wives, so maybe a giant beard is the key?<br />
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The bulk of last year's World Series champion Boston Red Sox made the entire season into a beard fest.<br />
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Hockey players traditionally grow a beard when their team enters the playoffs and refuse to shave it until their season ends.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zdeno Chara, with and without. He looks better with.</td></tr>
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Not everyone, though, should grow a beard. Again, I have a very round face and the facial hair is great at breaking up the roundness. And since I shave my head bald, it takes away the Charlie Brown Factor. A beard is something
easy enough to expeiment with, and to try it out simply requires you to
stop shaving and look scruffy for a few days until it fills in and you can begin to sculpt it into a dapper man-carpet. Unlike a tattoo, it's not permenant. If it fails, then all you need to do it shave it back off and chalk it up to experience. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actually, yes you do.</td></tr>
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But once you do grow it, you have to maintain it. For years I kept mine a very short jawline beard but a couple months ago I let it grow out and fill in a bit. I used to set the shortest guard on my trimmers and do the whole thing about once a week. Now I've gotten to where I simply comb it through and use beard scissors to trim the recalcitrant tentacles that are too long and refuse to cooperate.<br />
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<i>Dude...combs? Scissors?</i><br />
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Yeah, chummy. You have to actually <i>maintain</i> this thing. The old-fashioned way. You know that multi-piece grooming set that your mom gave you for Christmas and you forgot about? Break it out, you foul little Neanderthals. Included in that kit should be a small comb for facial hair and a little pair of scissors for sculpting and trimming. If you lack said kit, get thee to your local apothecary (that's drugstore for you neophytes with a lesser vocabulary) or just peruse the men's section of toiletries at WalMart. Get a small comb and a pair of moustache/beard scissors. I've had my scissors for over 20 years, and the comb is the one that came with my trimmer. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">UTILIZE THESE</td></tr>
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Most beards will want to curl up and grow any which frikkin' way imaginable and need to be tamed and trained to go the way you want them to go, and combing it does that. It keeps your beard looking neat & tidy, and if you're a Cro-Mag slob when you eat, it will comb out your excess Dorito crumbs. Don't be That Guy with the food in his beard and try to laugh it off by calling it a Crumb Catcher. That Guy gets laughed at and seldom gets laid unless it's by a chick who makes Ke$ha look like a princess by comparison.<br />
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If you're so inclined, a quality barber at your local corner shop should be able to trim and shape it for you when you go for your regular cut. This little video from Tom Bushnell at Murdock London is a great overview of beard maintenance by a professional barber.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/SrmDojs8qLE?rel=0" width="853"></iframe><br />
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At home, I find a good exfoliation with an apricot scrub does wonders for removing dead skin cells under your beard. It's also good while growing your beard out to deal with that itchiness as your face adjusts. I personally use conditioner in my beard a couple times a week. Beard hair is coarser than regular top-of-the-head hair and this will keep it softer and looking healthier. There are also specialized products to condition your beard, such as <a href="http://www.getjackblack.com/default.aspx">Black Jack's Beard Lube</a>. Tom spoke of it in the above video. <br />
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It's possible to look quite dapper with a beard if you take good care of it. It's a personal preference but I think there can definitely be too much beard and it will detract from a suave debonair dapper look and become a circus sideshow. That's up to you, though. A well-maintained beard combined with a proper set of stylish attire can create a very dapper you. Be you. Be dapper.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghWr3asrUD4b1NDe8hwxllUOXgm6PmY4Z_anDs_mhRyQ8FaVVbl7fQfDUnR2_eplvLAjz4ExsglxRgmlp-y8mZFpZTitMAW0pJIejECHBtc1T7m20QOd0E0KSSiBPLIfjSf-WTnVtSPXE/s1600/too+much+beard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghWr3asrUD4b1NDe8hwxllUOXgm6PmY4Z_anDs_mhRyQ8FaVVbl7fQfDUnR2_eplvLAjz4ExsglxRgmlp-y8mZFpZTitMAW0pJIejECHBtc1T7m20QOd0E0KSSiBPLIfjSf-WTnVtSPXE/s1600/too+much+beard.jpg" height="640" width="476" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's just too much beard for me.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTn5g038AeQH7ViCbnmBF70k6WYMKSzm1YO9zYJHZ9n_YtlJU3YaaMIdSRCVmCyJg5TU6JMxiUE84mrNDqpcJiwcGG21CxkwwkDcxN_NLTbJgSXskUvaURzaPzcRuc765belqLk6vD1vM/s1600/tobeardbefore11-678x1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTn5g038AeQH7ViCbnmBF70k6WYMKSzm1YO9zYJHZ9n_YtlJU3YaaMIdSRCVmCyJg5TU6JMxiUE84mrNDqpcJiwcGG21CxkwwkDcxN_NLTbJgSXskUvaURzaPzcRuc765belqLk6vD1vM/s1600/tobeardbefore11-678x1024.jpg" height="640" width="422" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A much more dapper fellow with a neat beard and a great tie.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg24NIBRtZ-0v_q_LAablUduaN34UZntEXQcjuh1dM1h6bBWyuDyEahD5qPbkfWqridbVMx6sleCYOemXm5W2km34CTY8Yr-OI9wqsmVFg-5kN8CkX93S1XsvlKT8mlfEL6_NknIvJ2c7c/s1600/tumblr_mqjuaeE6At1rc4bcxo1_400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg24NIBRtZ-0v_q_LAablUduaN34UZntEXQcjuh1dM1h6bBWyuDyEahD5qPbkfWqridbVMx6sleCYOemXm5W2km34CTY8Yr-OI9wqsmVFg-5kN8CkX93S1XsvlKT8mlfEL6_NknIvJ2c7c/s1600/tumblr_mqjuaeE6At1rc4bcxo1_400.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A great before & after. The before looks like a suicide bomber and after looks well put together.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBELxdHUUvPXxDjlK7kWeSB6gCEdtN6dnK-M-5DZ4PcdacR4pSg9J5fxlGkEJPIH06n0lUCp-Qi2XUgwST98DXTgV8ndEiOSjtOH86wCRwnkbeCcSsrUKKjFeLC7aYFpYIMz52MHFzVbY/s1600/241e782e1c420881e9c2765981c45eb2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBELxdHUUvPXxDjlK7kWeSB6gCEdtN6dnK-M-5DZ4PcdacR4pSg9J5fxlGkEJPIH06n0lUCp-Qi2XUgwST98DXTgV8ndEiOSjtOH86wCRwnkbeCcSsrUKKjFeLC7aYFpYIMz52MHFzVbY/s1600/241e782e1c420881e9c2765981c45eb2.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A good winter combo of a topcoat and beard</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5fS2_lwYkEtkkAvZ2hBFb6hhAddpN8P_d5cPQYK7h5ZBLGuJcSRTssYh2qWsBpK6fC0spCpwMnEmy_2WKd9u5-0fkph9Mvjc6Frn6PrEnICfPaj7tMQe8yM4zL1mneRreXjl_BjqZq8E/s1600/1bg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5fS2_lwYkEtkkAvZ2hBFb6hhAddpN8P_d5cPQYK7h5ZBLGuJcSRTssYh2qWsBpK6fC0spCpwMnEmy_2WKd9u5-0fkph9Mvjc6Frn6PrEnICfPaj7tMQe8yM4zL1mneRreXjl_BjqZq8E/s1600/1bg.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Model Ricki Hall. Almsot too much beard but still within reason.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr84X38IUN69DcWzdUCCf8lCKmr9qf-Oyc6_zbG8llspp5WT9_lduK4quGKT6hIB93sOFSrXY3PKas8QkieFZX_2gzcLvf9iyoMRjm8bP4YNmPt3_H9lvT-EVuE6cXl42-YxGXBgHyaOo/s1600/not+fucking+dapper+at+all.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr84X38IUN69DcWzdUCCf8lCKmr9qf-Oyc6_zbG8llspp5WT9_lduK4quGKT6hIB93sOFSrXY3PKas8QkieFZX_2gzcLvf9iyoMRjm8bP4YNmPt3_H9lvT-EVuE6cXl42-YxGXBgHyaOo/s1600/not+fucking+dapper+at+all.jpg" height="640" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, no, no, no, a thousand times NO. This makes my eyes bleed.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8pay9_-vpvdLPMMtlqXuaQRwTC4MpOjjppfolOv6C_LYlANmczXPC4vvYhyphenhyphen4cEeT5H31IwQ0olrVylPHK9uqynihMe6pTOdey9abPvphivgA94b5rhlmapKzhecxzzeTDvXyjDWkc428/s1600/goose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8pay9_-vpvdLPMMtlqXuaQRwTC4MpOjjppfolOv6C_LYlANmczXPC4vvYhyphenhyphen4cEeT5H31IwQ0olrVylPHK9uqynihMe6pTOdey9abPvphivgA94b5rhlmapKzhecxzzeTDvXyjDWkc428/s1600/goose.jpg" height="400" width="299" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ryan Gosling making the beard look quite dapper.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD4h4iXUpbswIxtxWPd0cWoFoLiHCP2SJqWth3sW__A-XWqi7cPKwauX9VUhXwSQ942Bls8uKttwuezGMio2ybE5xu94aA0nVAQQ38iVB0UgELevYsVTsnwtZsLKF-g3YGzEWDA6IQ46A/s1600/paul+fucking+rudd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD4h4iXUpbswIxtxWPd0cWoFoLiHCP2SJqWth3sW__A-XWqi7cPKwauX9VUhXwSQ942Bls8uKttwuezGMio2ybE5xu94aA0nVAQQ38iVB0UgELevYsVTsnwtZsLKF-g3YGzEWDA6IQ46A/s1600/paul+fucking+rudd.jpg" height="400" width="281" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Paul Rudd ruined a decent beard and tux by being in dire need of a haircut and a comb.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQAtHsE4K1zDbMyXEme6xJ9Kn-CIs3XTBu5Qd-k_B63xh6L3m1s6C6Gcqkb9XJU49pIsqnMF1Lq4_ZIOwKRANgtWqd-ZWjNVjIW7IZwdU1ea7gO-FWZt2fZedFCGuTdMqahOBeH2B4Owo/s1600/phoneix_1502628i.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQAtHsE4K1zDbMyXEme6xJ9Kn-CIs3XTBu5Qd-k_B63xh6L3m1s6C6Gcqkb9XJU49pIsqnMF1Lq4_ZIOwKRANgtWqd-ZWjNVjIW7IZwdU1ea7gO-FWZt2fZedFCGuTdMqahOBeH2B4Owo/s1600/phoneix_1502628i.jpg" height="412" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joaquin Pheonix looking homless despite sporting shades worth more than my car payment.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiGI-a8OliPQUqUNcdME3rxSeaI00ErN9S4lLj1zfttTICLw4yNS6B2yG1O-DBJDjJ1HAw0KJMK2bhpbZm2Rn2PPyTMmQB_cCY-kqwIKUMJ8abkD8I47QP65JJWhuRwaiKpuPoVMknWb8/s1600/beard_fist_and_the_dapper_chap_pap_by_jakrabbit96-d735vsl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiGI-a8OliPQUqUNcdME3rxSeaI00ErN9S4lLj1zfttTICLw4yNS6B2yG1O-DBJDjJ1HAw0KJMK2bhpbZm2Rn2PPyTMmQB_cCY-kqwIKUMJ8abkD8I47QP65JJWhuRwaiKpuPoVMknWb8/s1600/beard_fist_and_the_dapper_chap_pap_by_jakrabbit96-d735vsl.jpg" height="640" width="449" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The beard can be your friend.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoCJxXOipUWUCiuZXsZrb2xZl9zIQrUGLnwsOizYN_8-rlA-Ck4WtWR39U8_EVY8-SILsRT0qSFkxttYsDUsU7xT25m05Q7ZpfEcnkXHHw9EIvXELylmwPn6xlMQPLy2QDQqTlmu1FN7s/s1600/UfyzLvs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoCJxXOipUWUCiuZXsZrb2xZl9zIQrUGLnwsOizYN_8-rlA-Ck4WtWR39U8_EVY8-SILsRT0qSFkxttYsDUsU7xT25m05Q7ZpfEcnkXHHw9EIvXELylmwPn6xlMQPLy2QDQqTlmu1FN7s/s1600/UfyzLvs.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Unless you're in a circus or a contestant in Beard Wars, maintain limits to your beard. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
Who's got your back? I do. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-66778673060934961442014-01-26T21:04:00.002-05:002015-01-07T22:40:40.674-05:00Now Hear This Volume 4: Grammy Night Special<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSExa2UTAmHAb_J3TrmWzJ8BsYuHJ84oIc3T-FskeUIgKJG4ugLIt9C1QLa9lB4gWenOgoKDpSNLRBtOhg5QGC86m1qZYmt5elVsmZBcFDpgIb3-_tKcgNpr7uAI5glT3xohlCfISoPJI/s1600/1501.night_owl_1c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSExa2UTAmHAb_J3TrmWzJ8BsYuHJ84oIc3T-FskeUIgKJG4ugLIt9C1QLa9lB4gWenOgoKDpSNLRBtOhg5QGC86m1qZYmt5elVsmZBcFDpgIb3-_tKcgNpr7uAI5glT3xohlCfISoPJI/s1600/1501.night_owl_1c.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
Ah, yes...tonight is the annual Grammy Awards, when most decent music is overlooked in favor of the industry masturbating each other over whichever over-produced spoiled asshat or other. Few recent winners, in my humble yet correct opinion, are worth a tinker's damn.<br />
<br />
Last year the band fun. won a Grammy for Best New Artist and for Song of the Year, and it was a good song, a song I once plugged and then almost immediately regretted doing because it was effing inescapable afterwards for the next year. The trouble with popular music and Top 40 radio is that they will RUIN a good thing by overplaying it. I'm convinced that record labels buy airplay for certain songs by paying off the giant conglomerated companies like Clear Channel and Cumulus who own hundreds of radio stations each and one programmer picks every single song to be played at every second of the day via computer and stations can't deviate from what Central Command says.<br />
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<br />
Oh, yes, the days of calling a station and making a request are long gone. Back when I was a young pup you called a station and the on-air DJ would answer after 80 rings during a song and you'd make a request and they would usually play it. The stations had say so over what they played within the station's format. Then the mega-companies came along and then came staff cuts. Many stations only have a live human on the air during the morning drive and late afternoon drive. The rest of the time it's just canned time & temp & traffic reports. Half the stations don't even have a local morning show and just plug into a syndicated feed where fake plastic wacky funsters with names like Bad Boy & Fatback in the Morning or BJ & Zipper or a million other stupid lame-assed combinations of a front-man, a parrot sidekick who laughs and agrees with everything, and a token chick to keep women listeners on board. A central programmer comes up with the playlists for all the Top 40 stations they own, and it gets plugged into their central system and sent out via satellite. A computer tracker code in the songs reports back that each song is getting X number of plays on X number of stations.<br />
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My local Top 40 station fired their rather successful one guy/two chicks local morning show and went with some syndicated formulaic feed, and their entire afternoon is Ryan Seacrest's sugar-coated G-rated funfest, the afternoon drive is a local guy who used to be the morning host on the local hip hop station, and the evening is some equally insipid Perez Hilton feed show. <br />
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But I digress. Last year the Album of the Year was Babel, from Mumford & Sons. A great album and great band, but for me the album wasn't quite as spectacular as their debut. And the rest of the 2013 Grammy Awards was a blur of crap.<br />
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This year, hmmmm, what have we to look at? <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<u>Record Of The Year</u><br />
Get Lucky-Daft Punk Featuring Pharrell Williams & Nile Rodgers<br />
<br />
Radioactive- Imagine Dragons<br />
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Royals-Lorde<br />
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Locked Out Of Heaven-Bruno Mars</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Blurred Lines-Robin Thicke Featuring T.I. & Pharrell</blockquote>
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Let's see...I've talked about almost all of these songs before. Back in <a href="http://savvyguyde.blogspot.com/2013/08/listen-up-tunes-for-times.html">August,</a> actually, for some and <a href="http://savvyguyde.blogspot.com/2013/05/now-hear-this-volume-1.html">May</a> for another. By the time I wrote about them, I was painfully sick of Get Lucky and Blurred Lines both. I wasn't really impressed with either. I liked Imagine Dragons a lot but after awhile that song got beaten to death. And Lorde...I gave her a rave review too and now her songs are getting played every 56 minutes. I'd like to see either Lorde or Imagine Dragons get the nod to show I was ahead of the pack.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<u> Song Of The Year</u><br />
Just Give Me A Reason-Jeff Bhasker, Pink & Nate Ruess, songwriters (Pink Featuring Nate Ruess)<br />
<br />
Locked Out Of Heaven-Philip Lawrence, Ari Levine & Bruno Mars, songwriters (Bruno Mars)<br />
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Roar-Lukasz Gottwald, Max Martin, Bonnie McKee, Katy Perry & Henry Walter, songwriters (Katy Perry)<br />
<br />
Royals-Joel Little & Ella Yelich O'Connor, songwriters (Lorde)<br />
<br />
Same Love-Ben Haggerty, Mary Lambert & Ryan Lewis, songwriters (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis Featuring Mary Lambert)</blockquote>
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Different from Record of the Year, this one goes to the songwriters. Every single song was played ad nauseum. I applaud the message of the Macklemore song but at the same time he's asking people not to stereotype, he lumps all "right wing conservatives" into the same pile. I'd give it to Lorde, just out of spite for pop music because she got her start on alternative radio.<br />
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<br />
<blockquote>
<u>Best New Artist</u><br />
James Blake<br />
Kendrick Lamar<br />
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis<br />
Kacey Musgraves<br />
Ed Sheeran</blockquote>
<br />
Who? Until the nominations came out I hadn't heard of James Blake or Kacey Musgraves. I'd barely heard of Kendrick Lamar, and Ed Sheeran is that dreamy little British kid who sings those whiny songs like "A Team" . I think based upon the insane success of his stuff this year Macklemore has it hands down. Ironically, some Best New Artists quickly disappear after they win. In 2011 the winner was Esperanza Spalding. Who? The other nominees were Drake, Florence & The Machine, Mumford & Sons, and some punk kid named Justin Bieber.<br />
<br />
I don't plan on watching the show live. I think I'm recording it on the DVR; I forget.<br />
<br />
So....WTF else is going on musically? <br />
<br />
There's crap like Let Her Go, by Passenger. Totally estrogenical to the point where my balls lurch back up into my body when I hear it and only drop back down when the song is over. This is James Blunt for 2014. The *only* reason to willingly play this song is to suffer through in hopes of getting laid afterwards.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/RBumgq5yVrA?rel=0" width="853"></iframe><br />
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Also highly estrogenical is Say Something by Great Big World. Yeah, it's complete chick music, but there's something so incredibly sad about the song that makes it a guilty pleasure.Guest vocals by Christina Aguilera, whom I would normally disdain, but she for once holds back and doesn't over-sing or screech a run up and down the scale. Instead she's perfectly beautiful with her delivery and the video is sad in the same heart-tugging way the first five minutes of the movie "Up" was.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/-2U0Ivkn2Ds?rel=0" width="853"></iframe><br />
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If you liked It's Time, by Imagine Dragons or Walk Off The Earth by Red Hands you'll love Best Day Of My Life by American Authors. Very similar in sound and it's a great feel good song. You can't help but smile as you listen. I was going to use the official video, but the band also released an incredible version called The Dog Video that was simply the coolest shit ever. Then again, I'm a big softie.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/8J4k32LhTNw?rel=0" width="853"></iframe><br />
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If you're an 80s alterna-kid like me you'll remember the immortal classic track by Art of Noise called Moments In Love. The production crew behind Katy Perry ripped off the mesmerizing synth riff and twisted it around a bit to make Dark Horse, a song that would be pretty cool if not for the hideously horrible rap in the middle by something called Juicy J. The rap lyrics are horrible, even worse than the bullshit Kanye comes up with, and those are terrible enough. Scrub the rap from the song and it's listenable. Otherwise, it's dreck.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ux3u31SAeEM?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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So, Wingman, what DOESN'T suck?<br />
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Well, you'll remember that back in September I absolutely RAVED about Feathers. These chicks kick ass up and down the synth spectrum. By far they were my Best New Artists of 2013, and they've started this year off with a huge bang as well. They just released a new EP called Only One and the new single Wild Love. They are currently opening for none other than Depeche Mode on their current European tour. That's some hella exposure if you ask me. <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/1bVnc_2GHRY?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Swedish dance act NONONO caught my ear a few weeks ago with a really bouncy groove called Pumping Blood. By the end of the song you'll be whistling along. I dare you to not whistle...<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/3j4I0PqNzKE?rel=0" width="853"></iframe><br />
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And finally, there's CHVRCHES. These guys are already leading the pack for my Best New Artists of 2014. Everything I've heard so far from their debut The Bones Of What You Believe is an absolute gem. <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/_mTRvJ9fugM?rel=0" width="853"></iframe><br />
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Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-87797743400370187192014-01-25T17:15:00.002-05:002014-01-25T17:15:38.131-05:00Do you see what I see?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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According to a recent study the majority of Americans, 61% in fact, wear glasses or contact lenses or use reading glasses, up from 57% a decade ago. I fall into that category myself. I've worn glasses since my freshman year of high school and annually I find myself at the optometrist deciphering eye charts and determining which is clearer, 1...or 2...3..or 4?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZoEkrkOpXQzqitMxlDscBRfUd89Y7TmDeUrFjA-oDmJs-n9DTdd2ZfgQtdQ6nL8whydaMCGgBAqXCdkE0Cg7v1A_5lKnkmPomcZiVWyjEVVyS_jTKsoo1S6EuWuRDftfDFLSK3yR0xrs/s1600/E3849g1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZoEkrkOpXQzqitMxlDscBRfUd89Y7TmDeUrFjA-oDmJs-n9DTdd2ZfgQtdQ6nL8whydaMCGgBAqXCdkE0Cg7v1A_5lKnkmPomcZiVWyjEVVyS_jTKsoo1S6EuWuRDftfDFLSK3yR0xrs/s1600/E3849g1.gif" height="590" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chart showing the ages and numbers of people wearing glasses</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiset7s2G5atcnnG4mKIAKlAxauhvPNlnATec-jMSFIO6txfkfOxdr3TWhZx7p6h60u_ydn7wdDS1GePnxYj9Ytj7VGaEO6hvd-R7wrkLVCOZWUZQTFsvMw5TWowHB8Ea0CGiCXhChgqd8/s1600/Man_eye_machine-300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiset7s2G5atcnnG4mKIAKlAxauhvPNlnATec-jMSFIO6txfkfOxdr3TWhZx7p6h60u_ydn7wdDS1GePnxYj9Ytj7VGaEO6hvd-R7wrkLVCOZWUZQTFsvMw5TWowHB8Ea0CGiCXhChgqd8/s1600/Man_eye_machine-300x300.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's called a Phoropter. Seriously.</td></tr>
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<br />I wear contacts most of the time, because it's far more practical at my day job to not wear glasses. I'm myopic, which means I'm near-sighted. In fact, I'm REALLY nearsighted. I'm not quite to the point where I need bifocals yet, but I do often joke that if my glasses got any thicker I could see the future.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-HQiQquvZua7rvbjwix78J4xqCJX2_M35j-ZZsr-y-xhOG0-QQjLPsQTkpIyj1s8EEAxugOqzG9lTbVQ76KSMgZ8aOzdYlkK6AiADLbFBvu45otM3RpwD-GAwBYKmph7WgbfOl0Num44/s1600/glasses_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-HQiQquvZua7rvbjwix78J4xqCJX2_M35j-ZZsr-y-xhOG0-QQjLPsQTkpIyj1s8EEAxugOqzG9lTbVQ76KSMgZ8aOzdYlkK6AiADLbFBvu45otM3RpwD-GAwBYKmph7WgbfOl0Num44/s1600/glasses_1.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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Kids can be merciless in their teasing when it comes to wearing glasses. Sadly, this leads kids to feel like outcasts for needing vision correction, and that leads to adults who are self-conscious and uptight and vain about wearing glasses, and hence may refuse to wear them even though they need them. I've known people so vain about being seen in glasses that they didn't even own glasses to wear after they took their contacts out for the night.<br />
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In my own experience, I've found that women tend to be more vain about wearing glasses than men, and that's a shame...women in glasses are sexy as all get out. But I digress.<br />
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Gentlemen, glasses are no longer just a functional-but-utilitarian thing to be endured. They can make a statement and set you apart from the crowd. Say, for example, you're a prairie-dog in a cubicle farm or an office where everyone is basically wearing the same type of business attire, your options to stand out are limited. You can wear a unique and stylish ties. You can break the dreadful cycle of the white dress shirt and branch out into colors with coordinating ties. And you can have some badass glasses. Dare I even say, Dapper Specs...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsRrGPDIuxy8JKM73FX_F1BuXBk4EMr8rXPUdRlD802Ux5pZVLK7oQ6MIjZEcsiZruaeOSPPhdIroZLRTlj0DEW4j3EvTRRb29rbq-qbGP83aMsb5_5KdLnXz6cY5ETW_8_k9WrOpQ5s/s1600/men_in_office.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsRrGPDIuxy8JKM73FX_F1BuXBk4EMr8rXPUdRlD802Ux5pZVLK7oQ6MIjZEcsiZruaeOSPPhdIroZLRTlj0DEW4j3EvTRRb29rbq-qbGP83aMsb5_5KdLnXz6cY5ETW_8_k9WrOpQ5s/s1600/men_in_office.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After awhile, these guys just become interchangeable with a tie being the only difference.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuXoWU9qGPZm8afCmXAaWblLUm8vLy3P7XRgYyYYbPQIshS79GxCRLlQCETj1Q1LthblxsVlPT4mkt4I6RGwPvSrMcnYxcJ7Cy_6O6Bx_xr-IHN2oaY9EBDY4R1KlEOdD8akd-UIpTSoE/s1600/newfarm21.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuXoWU9qGPZm8afCmXAaWblLUm8vLy3P7XRgYyYYbPQIshS79GxCRLlQCETj1Q1LthblxsVlPT4mkt4I6RGwPvSrMcnYxcJ7Cy_6O6Bx_xr-IHN2oaY9EBDY4R1KlEOdD8akd-UIpTSoE/s1600/newfarm21.jpeg" height="390" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cube Farms suck. Don't be the average prairie dog. Be YOU.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihK_G8b-T0gbT_DCO5YAjXw0VwLWjxt8ito50mv5R89vw5OisEyJCAGjA6Sb85DiJQNEQo_K-rP0ECgZCjcP9bGHNM8_Q9LgMxfW8EIoyUCBw_YMLW7ofp5prquv8AakL2ezAbUryZPSM/s1600/men-suit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihK_G8b-T0gbT_DCO5YAjXw0VwLWjxt8ito50mv5R89vw5OisEyJCAGjA6Sb85DiJQNEQo_K-rP0ECgZCjcP9bGHNM8_Q9LgMxfW8EIoyUCBw_YMLW7ofp5prquv8AakL2ezAbUryZPSM/s1600/men-suit.jpg" height="414" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't be a clone clown in a Clone Clown Suit. Be YOU.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJjppSO0kAM_gf_LqRNIVCIsV-QgIGQ-TxXwQkZee_L_MuGU8v_BzWf5wZHO4CqFaJklpZqvt5gqap3p3mXHQtcd0eeZ1fqNp0jP-SrjWRkAVQ-6lTI-6irVrzui7J74bGTUNBfYXc4pU/s1600/men-eyeglasses-500x241.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJjppSO0kAM_gf_LqRNIVCIsV-QgIGQ-TxXwQkZee_L_MuGU8v_BzWf5wZHO4CqFaJklpZqvt5gqap3p3mXHQtcd0eeZ1fqNp0jP-SrjWRkAVQ-6lTI-6irVrzui7J74bGTUNBfYXc4pU/s1600/men-eyeglasses-500x241.jpg" height="308" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BE YOU. Be the Dapper Man in the Dapper Specs.</td></tr>
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I recently got new glasses. I found a set of frames I really liked almost a year ago, but when it came time to go ahead and get them, the shop where I saw them didn't take the new insurance from my employer, nor did they even have those frames on hand any longer. Thus started a 2-week marathon search where I went to 10 different shops and tried on nearly a hundred different sets of frames. Nothing grabbed me the same way that original set did. I knew what I wanted but had to find a way to get it instead of settling for a reasonable facsimile. I widened my search of available retailers for said frames and found a place a hundred miles away that not only carried the brand but also took my insurance. And now I have what I wanted.<br />
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It's okay to be daring. Try on a variety of styles, but you absolutely have to take someone with you as a second opinion, preferably a lady friend who will give you an unvarnished opinion on what you're trying on. As with most things, what YOU think looks good on you may not necessarily be true in the eyes of the those who will see you. Remember how that wisdom held true in my article on smelling good? Trust The Wingman; he knoweth of that which He speaketh.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggoK3NsarRlNRV-VwYxUpBEiXQ4agaa4cOdTomThFPU6ox9gnZULtkjYrm79Hu-Z2gggLqYIG-xEnaaEdbom-yvEtIAQB_TgF19n4JDB5WVAgSgcNW5tve0hI4kEhJt_AmU_qeAXH3LtA/s1600/timeless-eyeglasses-for-men4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggoK3NsarRlNRV-VwYxUpBEiXQ4agaa4cOdTomThFPU6ox9gnZULtkjYrm79Hu-Z2gggLqYIG-xEnaaEdbom-yvEtIAQB_TgF19n4JDB5WVAgSgcNW5tve0hI4kEhJt_AmU_qeAXH3LtA/s1600/timeless-eyeglasses-for-men4.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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Some frames will look better on you (or worse) depending on your face shape. The frame shape should contrast with your face shape and the frame size should be in scale with your face size. I have a round face and find that rectangular lens shapes do best for me. I tried on a pair of round-frame glasses in a chic tortoise shell design knowing full-well that they'd look bad on me, and looked like a total imbecile in them. Round specs have that professor connotation and are a retro classic look but really, a narrower, thinner face works best for them. Actually, in my own opinion rectangular frames work for damn near everyone. But, as a general rule:<br />
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LONG FACE- Long faces are rectangular in shape with a strong chin and defined cheekbones.<br /><br />Try: Large wide frames that extend beyond the temple with sides positioned in the middle of the frame, help add width and shorten the face.<br /><br />Avoid: Small square styles that make your face appear longer.<br />round face.<br />
<br />ROUND FACE- Round faces generally have soft features and a rounded jaw line.<br /><br />Try: Angular frames such as rectangles, will lengthen your face, add definition and draw attention to your cheekbones.<br /><br />Avoid: Small round glasses or very large shapes that echo the shape of your face<br /><br />OVAL FACE- Oval or heart shaped faces can be soft or angular, but are generally balanced in proportion.<br /><br />Try: Rounded and square styles all suit this shape face. Slightly angular frames with a middle side position will add dynamic structure to your face.<br /><br />Avoid: Heart shaped styles that echo the shape of the jaw.<br /><br />SQUARE FACE- Square shaped faces have distinctive jawbones, full cheeks and an even jaw and chin line.<br /><br />Try: Finer shallow frames such as ovals and soft rectangular shapes will help soften your features. Choose a frame with a high side position to add length to your face.<br /><br />Avoid: Square styles and those that are wider than your face.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimkeifSnXJYUn-xM8QdbR61cd03kiXuogzG9gAafL1nmxZYywL9JrSo3M0j2-AV0yPbyFFHCi66tj0GwiJwGYzMKNl3VPR7IxOPPPQDGy7D3ynoXe-bq6SV7H21sFjuctKb37LzBXUoow/s1600/apollo+sport+computer+glasses.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimkeifSnXJYUn-xM8QdbR61cd03kiXuogzG9gAafL1nmxZYywL9JrSo3M0j2-AV0yPbyFFHCi66tj0GwiJwGYzMKNl3VPR7IxOPPPQDGy7D3ynoXe-bq6SV7H21sFjuctKb37LzBXUoow/s1600/apollo+sport+computer+glasses.jpg" height="101" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Apollo Sport computer glasses</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuGCrn50oyjby5Au79d-TNI8gqNrPkNEar-MV-1nULfQONpO-SeDbmZsf112525Hb_Mi_TRZSb5jb1iks4-sQ5CF0oGvz0fPZkM0KMNqo4gsiTF_snN7wgG8qiMh2A4P7qwCDvdJ1Qglg/s1600/Factory+900+FA206.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuGCrn50oyjby5Au79d-TNI8gqNrPkNEar-MV-1nULfQONpO-SeDbmZsf112525Hb_Mi_TRZSb5jb1iks4-sQ5CF0oGvz0fPZkM0KMNqo4gsiTF_snN7wgG8qiMh2A4P7qwCDvdJ1Qglg/s1600/Factory+900+FA206.jpg" height="171" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">FA206 by Factory 900</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg76UauHrLjE0Q-PtknJMtOjlqbRmAtZs_WJX-VA2pd1tsM2miW0-DPalbjZrPRaeubNquWC9aMWi-1tSnmDmuqKfQty-gM3-Kg291Tr5ty91nvEEaZ8M0gAnvDir8Nqhl6wsQRZFrNSDE/s1600/flexon-FL653-blue+suede+twilight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg76UauHrLjE0Q-PtknJMtOjlqbRmAtZs_WJX-VA2pd1tsM2miW0-DPalbjZrPRaeubNquWC9aMWi-1tSnmDmuqKfQty-gM3-Kg291Tr5ty91nvEEaZ8M0gAnvDir8Nqhl6wsQRZFrNSDE/s1600/flexon-FL653-blue+suede+twilight.jpg" height="158" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flexon frames in Blue Suede Twilight</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7QdpEfpZ5-1OenudPCreNb7vYE1TH8UULqciWMLSaNa27ib9cA60cBbQZTQOz9l5nh8lfLZXL3ycMHXcAaSc8JILmjeKLOug6VUnSaLjIUGneL4orEE1B680hrsaYqryk2DSpLHOVrV0/s1600/Oakley-Chainring-eyeglasses-OX5073-0251.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7QdpEfpZ5-1OenudPCreNb7vYE1TH8UULqciWMLSaNa27ib9cA60cBbQZTQOz9l5nh8lfLZXL3ycMHXcAaSc8JILmjeKLOug6VUnSaLjIUGneL4orEE1B680hrsaYqryk2DSpLHOVrV0/s1600/Oakley-Chainring-eyeglasses-OX5073-0251.jpg" height="145" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chainring frames by Oakley</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjouDkhryjyT1XbzJoSxljC5ZQF-XnVBEw5jZSAy7IFn6GLosJs0cgDgDaEKvlcKE3rxFL6cHbvCJkcckXZtdnCpIfhI1j8__WvckWl8V-z875poIMSjk8WGZquz6gtTB8IFMwWeawHV3I/s1600/oakley-junkyard-eyeglasses-Brown-grey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjouDkhryjyT1XbzJoSxljC5ZQF-XnVBEw5jZSAy7IFn6GLosJs0cgDgDaEKvlcKE3rxFL6cHbvCJkcckXZtdnCpIfhI1j8__WvckWl8V-z875poIMSjk8WGZquz6gtTB8IFMwWeawHV3I/s1600/oakley-junkyard-eyeglasses-Brown-grey.jpg" height="148" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Junkyard frames by Oakley</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqpNNIYLcH6jwnLrAJgYYh4BHbjStHaqxQpPwiL9cKVjCwRdJukemgii2d9iH-319u4IUxexpJmCfDoUM6zgvb9hW-eVfAfKDf0gII6xhYYOjSswzJ95gYoLfB9oVqJSF50QbRpFbmqAE/s1600/burberry2105-dark+havana.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqpNNIYLcH6jwnLrAJgYYh4BHbjStHaqxQpPwiL9cKVjCwRdJukemgii2d9iH-319u4IUxexpJmCfDoUM6zgvb9hW-eVfAfKDf0gII6xhYYOjSswzJ95gYoLfB9oVqJSF50QbRpFbmqAE/s1600/burberry2105-dark+havana.jpg" height="191" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Burberry 2105 in Dark Havana</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTh-gzoa6vA_3zJuoXbX5tBA1K5WfLAdbvorLwHUfX7hUyEzc9fG72yuQj78Axrmvvdz2-gnMNhlQzmlI8c3qvQ1sBZnNm7WT8qyOA1Hq_AG0UOebx53nMqje_bbLdYltPqvJK6LuztjQ/s1600/FREDERICK+2515-1by+myagi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTh-gzoa6vA_3zJuoXbX5tBA1K5WfLAdbvorLwHUfX7hUyEzc9fG72yuQj78Axrmvvdz2-gnMNhlQzmlI8c3qvQ1sBZnNm7WT8qyOA1Hq_AG0UOebx53nMqje_bbLdYltPqvJK6LuztjQ/s1600/FREDERICK+2515-1by+myagi.jpg" height="166" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Frederick frames by Miyagi</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqWwiLb-50512V86uDuLXet6BXydl6aRZbhOXUfdiyczdqZ8mYheTaSBxAoSILlJP2gblo-Zw9zRhAa7UOvyp1bOFHPYLlrHMKZbIe4QOetC9_isx-FLLhBEdwIJJrws-zpllQMYR5_s/s1600/jhane+barnes+mesh.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqWwiLb-50512V86uDuLXet6BXydl6aRZbhOXUfdiyczdqZ8mYheTaSBxAoSILlJP2gblo-Zw9zRhAa7UOvyp1bOFHPYLlrHMKZbIe4QOetC9_isx-FLLhBEdwIJJrws-zpllQMYR5_s/s1600/jhane+barnes+mesh.png" height="213" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbOEfax6IfuzN6VnRrY2KLBEOR054FtvamE8R9S1UH_VBGU-ang_Z7Jdy7qEw0GpNuf46X3sD15gMoAxhv0JoIFmvNf82fcSqNbBhV6k2lXkghHi2jxXdLAWTwz487tmc7nkDGyax64zA/s1600/TZ-121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbOEfax6IfuzN6VnRrY2KLBEOR054FtvamE8R9S1UH_VBGU-ang_Z7Jdy7qEw0GpNuf46X3sD15gMoAxhv0JoIFmvNf82fcSqNbBhV6k2lXkghHi2jxXdLAWTwz487tmc7nkDGyax64zA/s1600/TZ-121.jpg" height="196" width="400" /></a></div>
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You have several possibilities for frame materials. Metal is traditional, and offers varied colors and shades, but for really experimental colors and funkyness go with acetate (ie: plastic). Some really exotic designers even go with wood in their frames. I tried on a really neat set of titanium wire frames (literally, the temples were thin wire) that were rimless, but they looked frighteningly fragile and I occasionally fall asleep in my glasses. Acetate plastic offers vivid colors and tortoise patterns, but depending on the frame design you'll likely need to skip actual glass frames and go with polycarbonate lenses. Polycarbs are lighter and lend themselves to anti-glare and scratch resistant coatings. I haven't had glass lenses in close to 20 years. <br />
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In the end I went with a frame called Voyeur from Marc Ecko, in a blue/black tortoise pattern. I almost got Helix model 104's in Gunmetal. It was a pretty close decision.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNYhHmwZCiA9ulG76MIqSGYw9HcrYvASfFlOlYIWjsoYPo-uqTZ2DFYQWhttQCRZLktjwWGj8c26LiB8rEm3M150xd9u_HpR5CXhFZMbrrOqTj-6hyphenhyphena785F6DGKx_O-j9vXlZq4wyU90M/s1600/helix+104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNYhHmwZCiA9ulG76MIqSGYw9HcrYvASfFlOlYIWjsoYPo-uqTZ2DFYQWhttQCRZLktjwWGj8c26LiB8rEm3M150xd9u_HpR5CXhFZMbrrOqTj-6hyphenhyphena785F6DGKx_O-j9vXlZq4wyU90M/s1600/helix+104.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Helix 104's. I almost went with these.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bSfMfxa9GQ5BG_TBspYFeKyFJRVZpHT4aAq72xAxb9zxbni9H7h5lwE9Bqz3HRTj_zJqr3ZD5J9Yd9H4RUdf05YqwVS4aWEiXd5PzLbDzJ3PDbMUGD7HwvH-5fVyLOg6FycaYyCMA4Y/s1600/helix+103.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bSfMfxa9GQ5BG_TBspYFeKyFJRVZpHT4aAq72xAxb9zxbni9H7h5lwE9Bqz3HRTj_zJqr3ZD5J9Yd9H4RUdf05YqwVS4aWEiXd5PzLbDzJ3PDbMUGD7HwvH-5fVyLOg6FycaYyCMA4Y/s1600/helix+103.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Helix 103's</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpqyDaSPs_dRKelH_U-VRJ8RSmoO75CAEyyBxW_c_DIa74BicExo5Hn5Tr8GOGsQIJZhq-qI-Uybbs9af07VyumyJwDgv7zHPvr0RZSpuszAxI0JXC92qsozaLgtNNdvIs61vt9CodjjQ/s1600/manhattan+8361.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpqyDaSPs_dRKelH_U-VRJ8RSmoO75CAEyyBxW_c_DIa74BicExo5Hn5Tr8GOGsQIJZhq-qI-Uybbs9af07VyumyJwDgv7zHPvr0RZSpuszAxI0JXC92qsozaLgtNNdvIs61vt9CodjjQ/s1600/manhattan+8361.png" height="173" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">8361 frames by Manhattan</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7yb-Q_CDMPdPxWG-XaJ0lIGOlKh7YG-NYTx9xHeRnpaVyDGfegM4G2wY0pkwDOvu6FuVqwvV1PahSvHhBzxni5n-8q_Tx12xjhgsOMnTNUPPMidx1cG6Y1Q_DS5GsLNToRoesvOV3Z5g/s1600/tedbaker-eye-blast-brown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7yb-Q_CDMPdPxWG-XaJ0lIGOlKh7YG-NYTx9xHeRnpaVyDGfegM4G2wY0pkwDOvu6FuVqwvV1PahSvHhBzxni5n-8q_Tx12xjhgsOMnTNUPPMidx1cG6Y1Q_DS5GsLNToRoesvOV3Z5g/s1600/tedbaker-eye-blast-brown.jpg" height="163" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ted Baker Eyeblast frames</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioxHmY815RVvmgipFs1Z7iXhNDHiGSR4V7CrYR3w2gn1X1BZ6XQrfDGm1lCyG_JDNJSs4WNdRzI11HMt2poIDZm8ENfAL5zP-JEfwmH1HE9ZNJ6XFKEylpyWoIZSX_15cKuq-p0oX4tu0/s1600/tedbaker-eye-hay-ebony.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioxHmY815RVvmgipFs1Z7iXhNDHiGSR4V7CrYR3w2gn1X1BZ6XQrfDGm1lCyG_JDNJSs4WNdRzI11HMt2poIDZm8ENfAL5zP-JEfwmH1HE9ZNJ6XFKEylpyWoIZSX_15cKuq-p0oX4tu0/s1600/tedbaker-eye-hay-ebony.jpg" height="151" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hay frames in ebony by Ted Baker. These exact frames are my glasses for the past 3 years</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Many manufacturers have a virtual try-on feature on their websites where you can upload a photo of yourself and then select different frames for the program to superimpose on it. It allows you to do some of the leg-work at your own convenience before venturing out into the shops.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBg3rY2vGk6EOeOI9TyEQIKm25P6yfBMkKZhVAL0Tjclu1O82-7JWkCBBT-JzwIL-kCraHOivWuD5QdS3YONJGehKKI9ZWMNltZURPNkQpz6VMGhEl92DT4Nh_SQXK_nplBY6l3XgIvwE/s1600/dude+in+noego+mirage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBg3rY2vGk6EOeOI9TyEQIKm25P6yfBMkKZhVAL0Tjclu1O82-7JWkCBBT-JzwIL-kCraHOivWuD5QdS3YONJGehKKI9ZWMNltZURPNkQpz6VMGhEl92DT4Nh_SQXK_nplBY6l3XgIvwE/s1600/dude+in+noego+mirage.jpg" height="400" width="380" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mirage frames by NoeGo. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNY9bmlwQuSbrkNWAnPioOsm0fXpqLYIOlG23zLdW7wcg-GinO5lgzqu2hZAvytu5-nzIxQ4flpL6MrsP6s_51FAISoYtgsbj8qsION9YlGPC4GP3TLPMez8W1Mn_BLcnHdRRVEnVQDMY/s1600/Vega4.+parasites.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNY9bmlwQuSbrkNWAnPioOsm0fXpqLYIOlG23zLdW7wcg-GinO5lgzqu2hZAvytu5-nzIxQ4flpL6MrsP6s_51FAISoYtgsbj8qsION9YlGPC4GP3TLPMez8W1Mn_BLcnHdRRVEnVQDMY/s1600/Vega4.+parasites.jpg" height="185" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Vega 4 frames by Parasite</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmif5zo3NQ0Petzn9eC21Jmlve96MxMlZxNCkZIsKDdBFuAl2MRYJM1mrM5ZK6Y_aQKFjQhceadukHxiOWwTWR6FARCtsbE_myxpeY2JqrzGDSOb7up_rWoStKUrKDQszv_WDw5vTGeQ/s1600/parasite+plasma+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmif5zo3NQ0Petzn9eC21Jmlve96MxMlZxNCkZIsKDdBFuAl2MRYJM1mrM5ZK6Y_aQKFjQhceadukHxiOWwTWR6FARCtsbE_myxpeY2JqrzGDSOb7up_rWoStKUrKDQszv_WDw5vTGeQ/s1600/parasite+plasma+1.png" height="185" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Plasma 1 frames by Parasite</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGpmqh9CJDPA2DoU6nzZLPQeJX7cxtUJkG-3nY0IEEf6U7rUfQWPglWoCqKMHZk57x39ghXHGbc9dU28KIHI6BY8mUcqg5UZxDVmQ6hDmhizVwiv9I15lUeXNJT4cGppBNQI1_4MIaPug/s1600/parasite+xion+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGpmqh9CJDPA2DoU6nzZLPQeJX7cxtUJkG-3nY0IEEf6U7rUfQWPglWoCqKMHZk57x39ghXHGbc9dU28KIHI6BY8mUcqg5UZxDVmQ6hDmhizVwiv9I15lUeXNJT4cGppBNQI1_4MIaPug/s1600/parasite+xion+2.png" height="262" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Xion 2 frames by Parasite</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0mJfoYEhk8r7OA9Uwh9ePJay8Z_Fx61vR6a1H7JlIunF8B3QwsUHpCt5MPL_inOotR4XGzewPJDz_EoFIrhypP953xSPnxAg1RJ_Me0TUo4Oqgrw9pheJxtMK0Hju3zpjnnLIcH01KqQ/s1600/parasite_korrektur_kopf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0mJfoYEhk8r7OA9Uwh9ePJay8Z_Fx61vR6a1H7JlIunF8B3QwsUHpCt5MPL_inOotR4XGzewPJDz_EoFIrhypP953xSPnxAg1RJ_Me0TUo4Oqgrw9pheJxtMK0Hju3zpjnnLIcH01KqQ/s1600/parasite_korrektur_kopf.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">French manufacturer Parasite (and their offshoot NoeGo has a lot of really wild frames.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx-YeRVj-ooFBckQyoyzXsYuJISEsJxHOJHbWaamkRdS_6iy3iFirij8aaWZjnnP_qbU5O4H6WSH628bBZqHyj_iLZDe55m6r_ZNS4pVufBBiYoGmB5Zdzl6hgL3bKjP33ZMpVjn1BOdo/s1600/lindberg+spirit+titaniums.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx-YeRVj-ooFBckQyoyzXsYuJISEsJxHOJHbWaamkRdS_6iy3iFirij8aaWZjnnP_qbU5O4H6WSH628bBZqHyj_iLZDe55m6r_ZNS4pVufBBiYoGmB5Zdzl6hgL3bKjP33ZMpVjn1BOdo/s1600/lindberg+spirit+titaniums.jpg" height="226" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Lindberg Spirit frames I tried on. Dapper in a minimalistic way.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiN5D7Eq9Zn4fZyUb6BSDsB1jZ3vKP6RXVvwOTarSt961M81ru-mSKau7Mt8kjYcGS7Xyqu-5MqTSwn1TAnNwIKQ3kQRpB40uqT2q6m3x7qOaW-kzopdLdJWVhOtLbFZfCPjmxO01KqE0/s1600/lindberg+jorn.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiN5D7Eq9Zn4fZyUb6BSDsB1jZ3vKP6RXVvwOTarSt961M81ru-mSKau7Mt8kjYcGS7Xyqu-5MqTSwn1TAnNwIKQ3kQRpB40uqT2q6m3x7qOaW-kzopdLdJWVhOtLbFZfCPjmxO01KqE0/s1600/lindberg+jorn.png" height="317" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jorn frames by Lindberg. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUjV1q77PUkXzqG0-Zg-Q4X1PIIqZJP2oqwcvjlMs-2kOp8pT2wZru5hcbWX4uf6ikWqrV2SSV2ciBDdSBL_M_cOXtTHkYXbAPfPNPw4gtZzLH9cla-qPsX2Gpe1X9I-yEy0OW0bg2Koc/s1600/ecko+v.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUjV1q77PUkXzqG0-Zg-Q4X1PIIqZJP2oqwcvjlMs-2kOp8pT2wZru5hcbWX4uf6ikWqrV2SSV2ciBDdSBL_M_cOXtTHkYXbAPfPNPw4gtZzLH9cla-qPsX2Gpe1X9I-yEy0OW0bg2Koc/s1600/ecko+v.png" height="450" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
So take your time, look around, and explore. There are frames of every imaginable style and in every price range. There's no need to look like every other member of the herd. Stand out at the office, stand out at your local pub, stand out at the happening night spot or dance club. Glasses aren't the end of the world; quite the opposite. Contrary to what you may have in your head negative about glasses, they can be an essential (and dapper) fashion accessory in addition to being a functional tool. See, and be seen. <br />
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Would I steer you wrong? Never. Not the Wingman.<br />
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Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmWkkvDrxSybhOrAMM8UAD-y_5KIoY478YXbxnDjZSMc05QpxxVClDI6x6kdssYM7kpNTktILPUtjoDr3gWhdMdnJ0rkKxu4YnSlEwfVearxj-dKJ232TX8D1KKGSJ-g56dVA4TjF1E4/s1600/tumblr_m375znwZu51rtuckto1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmWkkvDrxSybhOrAMM8UAD-y_5KIoY478YXbxnDjZSMc05QpxxVClDI6x6kdssYM7kpNTktILPUtjoDr3gWhdMdnJ0rkKxu4YnSlEwfVearxj-dKJ232TX8D1KKGSJ-g56dVA4TjF1E4/s1600/tumblr_m375znwZu51rtuckto1_1280.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-48295178731945658072014-01-19T15:09:00.001-05:002014-01-21T08:02:34.629-05:00New Year, New Material: Bringing Dapper Back<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTtnlwpjrkxWqRFvxgkfQHXjXuo9Apw3ERj3etlT2qbx_u9PXhYgtoNW9G3BIFKqiV0siExuUje9Pvar9Ia4F0HOUzH3vsC5X1DgQo50cJoWnD4th6sopFH6LEoKZj00isAx32SA6Wrfc/s1600/dapper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTtnlwpjrkxWqRFvxgkfQHXjXuo9Apw3ERj3etlT2qbx_u9PXhYgtoNW9G3BIFKqiV0siExuUje9Pvar9Ia4F0HOUzH3vsC5X1DgQo50cJoWnD4th6sopFH6LEoKZj00isAx32SA6Wrfc/s1600/dapper.jpg" height="552" width="640" /></a></div>
Okay, your Wingman has been a Bad Human. He's neglected you, his faithful readers. And you not-so-faithful readers. And the new readers, and people who just accidentally wandered here by mistake in a drunken stupor looking for octopus porn or something equally as asinine.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwkhey1hDvIaYkqAT6ulCxGU0jB2XbSBzcmwcTt62ncN3vTbFFSqG2LNGKDF6JCosgtnR0H9srT1l4oOJCoGtrA3jupeohvJHXcEsRDtzU8jrZYo_LLAVXUMuyFjw-4ItlA2-3WyH2Yb0/s1600/30c04eb7257547e160a264f3247d5eee2f1054f81324e6e41e214f6e20349eb2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwkhey1hDvIaYkqAT6ulCxGU0jB2XbSBzcmwcTt62ncN3vTbFFSqG2LNGKDF6JCosgtnR0H9srT1l4oOJCoGtrA3jupeohvJHXcEsRDtzU8jrZYo_LLAVXUMuyFjw-4ItlA2-3WyH2Yb0/s1600/30c04eb7257547e160a264f3247d5eee2f1054f81324e6e41e214f6e20349eb2.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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I do have new material to share with you. I have new questions to answer for you. It's what I do.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>dap·per (ˈdapər)</b><br />
<br />
adjective: dapper; superlative adjective: dapperest<br />
<br />
1.(typically of a man) neat and trim in dress, appearance, or bearing.<br />
synonyms: smart, spruce, trim, debonair, neat, well-dressed, well-groomed, well turned out, elegant, chic, dashing; </blockquote>
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It's 2014 and the new focus is Bringing Dapper Back. By dapper, I mean, hell, take a look around you. Men are no longer giving a shit about how they look. Wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt is not dapper. Wearing Crocs in Mossy Oak with socks and shorts isn't dapper. And just because you coordinated your flat-brimmed ball cap in the same MMA theme of Old English script and a Celtic cross with a dragon and a tribal to match your shirt, it's still not dapper despite your protests that the shirt has a collar and buttons. So does a bowling shirt, chummy, and that is decidedly NOT dapper.<br />
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I'm not saying that we as men need to be stuffy and formal and never dress casually. Far from it. In summer I live in shorts and t-shirts, because where I live it's roasting-ass hot and I don't attend many dressy functions. But if you're going out on a date or out "on the prowl" so to speak, you need to look presentably dapper without looking like you just left a board meeting and without looking so relaxed you could pass as an extra from The Big Lebowski.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYAO6L9hyphenhyphenO0C9CaPlDxnTBLPWXnagTnElxo0_Rq9FCAzurkM1faTjTdD7w1VL7PnD_dCsP_dXk-yRFVRLkuK6pJbcGK_PGqPa8ilZaiavJcW3CjmMLKoH9D_2uuLjxZfgr-VvWokLogsc/s1600/ed-hardy-douchebags-15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYAO6L9hyphenhyphenO0C9CaPlDxnTBLPWXnagTnElxo0_Rq9FCAzurkM1faTjTdD7w1VL7PnD_dCsP_dXk-yRFVRLkuK6pJbcGK_PGqPa8ilZaiavJcW3CjmMLKoH9D_2uuLjxZfgr-VvWokLogsc/s1600/ed-hardy-douchebags-15.jpg" height="346" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How many things are wrong with this picture?</td></tr>
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Take pride in your appearance, from your style to your grooming. Don't look homeless on purpose.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEt7oFKg34gZtAKl8bjh9tS1jJduA_MU-W1WVhO9EffApMBAnyxeg0mZqE5nIAXM5I2qrr7BdhBO7zSIB5IrS-SzaFViALfy7tXsVofutpSjTN4c2j_26JoeHRiULNdXKo7MkcqF3y1AE/s1600/12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEt7oFKg34gZtAKl8bjh9tS1jJduA_MU-W1WVhO9EffApMBAnyxeg0mZqE5nIAXM5I2qrr7BdhBO7zSIB5IrS-SzaFViALfy7tXsVofutpSjTN4c2j_26JoeHRiULNdXKo7MkcqF3y1AE/s1600/12.jpg" height="640" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking this disheveled is bad enough but to pay hundreds of bucks to do it is just stupid. </td></tr>
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Don't be stupid about it either, thinking because you paid $60.00 for a plain t-shirt from a famous designer a size too small for you to show off your gym rat pecs that it's cool. I may not like that song from Macklemore all that much (it was played TO DEATH) but the man had a point about getting swindled by designers. If you pay more than 15 bucks for a plain t-shirt of any color, you should be slapped with a semi-frozen cod fish. It's possible to look decent without spending a ton of cash and without popping tags at the thrift store & getting a used garment that reeks of pee and mothballs. Any savings you garnered will have been squandered at the cleaners trying to make it wearable, vintage chic be damned. <br />
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In the words of the immortal Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket, "You will not laugh, you will not cry. You will learn by the numbers; I will teach you...".<br />
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Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-10026664141499848222013-09-08T20:36:00.001-04:002014-01-21T07:59:48.039-05:00Now Hear This: Volume 3 (Bonus Edition)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I know I just gave you guys some new tunes to listen to a couple weeks ago, but it seems I missed a few things. Firstly, there was at least one song that I was supposed to include in the last article and forgot about, and there were also a couple new offerings to speak of that I was at the time unaware of.<br />
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It's becoming Fall. Some of you are back to college. There's new albums dropping left and right. You want to stay cool & hip and with it, but seriously, avoid that instinct to just run with the pack. In a pack, unless you're the lead animal the view never changes. You'll always be looking at someone else's ass trying to keep up. So be the Alpha, the Leader. Let them follow you.<br />
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First, the Top 40 dreck to avoid...<br />
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Lady GaGa---Applause<br />
At least she's honest. "I live for the applause, applause , applause, I live for the applause-plause-plause blah blah blah etcetera..." Yes, you want the adoration and applause. I get it. Most creative people don't just create for the sake of creating things, be it music or art or poetry or video or even blogging about other peoples' creations. Creative people also like the positive feedback that comes with their work. I get it. In a way I can be the same; I like positive comments back on my writing. However, I am not going to write a blog that says "I live for the comments-ments-ments-ments blah blah blah". The song has some good synth parts and decent beats and the chorus is dancey as hell, but I just kinda tune out the verses and bridge. She's toned down the weird factor a bit at least. However, it's also on the air every 26 minutes and it gets old fast. Like most GaGa stuff. Like most of GaGa's "weird artsy chick" schtick.<br />
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Sara Bareilles--Brave vs. Katy Perry--Roar<br />
Yeah, I know. It's been spoken of ad nauseum in the press, this similarity between the two songs. Bareilles herself has commented on it, as has Perry, and both claim no ill will towards each other, just peace love & jellybeans, and that any similarity is just coincidence. Sara's song, inspired by a freind's struggle with coming out, came out first but one of the team that did "Roar" claims it was written & recorded first, nanny nanny boo boo. It's another sugary girl power Katy song riddled with that staccato stutter delivery where she turns a one-syllable word into two syllables. Sara wrote her song with Jack Antonoff of the band fun., and Perry wrote hers with Lukasz Gottwald, Max Martin, Bonnie McKee, and Henry Walter. Two writers vs. five, so I'm giving this one to Bareilles, although I really do have to give Katy points for her Eye Candy appeal alone. Turn on the radio right now and I guarantee one or the other is on and the other will follow in 17 minutes.<br />
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Eminem--Berzerk<br />
By the time you read this the official video will be out on Monday the 9th. The song debuted this week at #3 on the Billboard Top 100. It must be chock fulla bleeps and censored blurbs after listening to the full version. It's loud and brash, kinda like the old Eminem we were used to a decade ago, but Em is also turning 41 next month so how long can we milk the Angry Young Rapper cow? The song is built around Billy Sqiers' "The Stroke" with sprinkles of Beastie Boys tossed over the top. The preview audio video should remind 80s kids immediately of LL Cool J's debut album "Radio". <br />
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Avril Lavigne--Rock N Roll<br />
Okay, seriously, you're pushing 30 and been married twice, so the bratty teen punky pop gothy cheerleader with racoon mascara gimmick is getting tired. This pretty much sounds like 90% of her other stuff, with the big saving grace being Danica McKellar (ever so hot at 38) kissing her in the Tank Girl ripoff video.<br />
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One Direction--Best Song Ever<br />
No, it's not. It's sugar-frosted pre-packaged crap that rips off The Who's "Baba O'Riley. Thankfully, Pete Townshend is a generous man and didn't sue them. I have very little use for boy bands and really, unless you're a twelve year old girl awaiting her first period, neither should you. <br />
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<b><i>So, Wingman, now that you just shit on all the popular music, what should I listen to?</i></b><br />
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Well, not all the popular stuff is to be avoided. Remember, a lot of the stuff I have recommended for you guys in the past became popular after I sent it your way.I'm not against stuff becoming popular if it's good, but I want you guys ahead of the game. Lead dog, remember. When they're looking at your asshole and listening to the same song every 26 minutes, you'll have already moved on to the next big thing.<br />
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Lana Del Rey--Summertime Sadness (Cedric Gervais Remix)<br />
Don't get me wrong. I am NOT a Lana Del Rey fan. After weeks and weeks of hearing everyone on alternative radio rave about this hot new chanteuse with the smoky vocals and gorgeous looks, I caught an interview with her where she seemed bored & disinterested & jaded. And then I caught her on Saturday Night Live and decided right there & then that everyone who was raving about her was up their own ass with a hacksaw. And honestly, Summertime Sadness only works for me in the radio remix by Cedric Gervais. Otherwise,<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdrL3QxjyVw"> the original </a>is dull and lifeless, like Lana Del Rey. It makes Joy Division sound upbeat. However, Gervais saves the day with some great EDM grooves and it offsets her deep mopey vocals. <br />
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<b>Okay, on to the good stuff...</b><br />
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Depeche Mode--You Should Be Higher<br />
Look, chummies, you should already know & own this track. Why? Because it's Depeche fuckin' Mode, that's why. The list of bands that owe their inspiration and lineage to Depeche Mode is massive. This is the third single off their Delta Machine album, the album they are currently selling out stadiums supporting here in the States. Trust me, fellas, you can never go wrong playing Mode in the car on a date. It says "This dude has a sophisticated palate.".<br />
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Feathers--- Land of the Innocent<br />
Feathers was an accidental find, and in my estimation accidental finds are often the best ones. I was watching a news video and the next video in line was about Feathers, and the reporter called them a female Depeche Mode. That was enough to raise an eyebrow and pique my curiosity, indeed. Hailing from Austin, Texas, these ladies do indeed live up to the hype and then some. The lead single off their album If All Now Here begins with a synth riff that reminded me of an early Depeche Mode B-side and old-skool fan favorite called Ice Machine. It blossoms into an ominous, velvety, thick groove with angelic vocals over the top. It pays homage to the synth bands that came before them while paving a new path yet untrod. Get the whole album; it's REALLY good.<br />
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Who's got your back? I do...<br />
<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-89501927542442266092013-08-20T23:42:00.001-04:002013-08-20T23:43:57.086-04:00Now Hear This, Volume 2: Tunes for the Times<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Summer is coming to a close, kids are headed back to school, and soon the leaves will be a-changing. Hopefully your summer was chock fulla good times enhanced by songs I helped you discovered back in the spring.<br />
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The summer was a bit of a dead zone this year in my humble yet correct opinion, but recently I've stumbled onto some tunes to swing your way if you haven't discovered them yet. Some of them aren't exactly new but have been percolating all summer and are about to break loose. However, our first track just got officially released today.<br />
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Blue October--Bleed Out<br />
A few years ago Blue October hit the scene in a big way with a raw, emotional song called "Hate Me"., followed by the quirky hit "Into the Ocean", but my favorite has always been "Calling You". This one may end up becoming my new favorite. It's a matured, grown sound but still powerful and emotional. If you guys get behind this we can make this song huge. <br />
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Calvin Harris featuring Ellie Goulding -- I Need Your Love<br />
Suddenly everyone is all about Scottish DJ Adam Richard Wiles, who goes by the stage name Calvin Harris. Hot on the heels of his big hit Sweet Nothing, featuring the tremendous vocals of Florence Welch (without the Machine) comes another floor stomper, this time with the vocal stylings of electro-dance chanteuse Ellie Goulding. Look, you either like Ellie or you don't. Her voice is unique to say the least. It took me a few listens to get to liking her. Her singles Lights and Anything Can Happen had to grow on me. This one, however, grabbed me pretty much immediately.<br />
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Zedd featuring Foxes-- Clarity<br />
This one actually did have to grow on me. I'd seen the song title a few times on the dance charts and alt charts at Billboard's website but paid no real attention to an unfamiliar name. I know, that's wrong of me to do so...otherwise how am I ever going to learn new artists? Young Anton Zaslavski, known in the DJ biz as Zedd, is fast becoming the new darling wunderkind of the EDM world. It took a couple listens for me because it starts out slow and them wakes up. Vocals come courtesy of Louisa Rose Allen, who records under the name Foxes.<br />
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The Neighborhood--Sweater Weather<br />
This song has been kicking around alternative radio for months and is just now making its way to Top 40 radio. It does nothing for me.. Sorry. It's not that I dislike it, but it simply doesn't grab me or do anything for me. Still, it beats listening to Justin Bieber.<br />
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Bastille--Pompeii<br />
This, however, grabbed me pretty quick. Currently ripping its way up the alt charts and poised to crossover any minute now, Pompeii has London-based Bastille meshing a Coldplay-meets-Mumford & Sons feel with a tribal dancey beat. Teen girls will get all damp in the britches over lead singer Dan Smith, who looks like a fresher-faced Adam Levine without the whine or the tattoos.<br />
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Lorde--Royals<br />
The other inescapable name on alt radio this week is Lorde, the stage name of Ella Yelich-O'Connor. All of 16 (yeah, jail bait so stop what you were thinking), she's the biggest thing to come out of New Zealand since Lord of the Rings. The first few seconds of the song I thought it was going to be some kind of Amy Winehouse meets Fiona Apple dirge but it's really more like Fergie meets Lily Allen.<br />
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Now, of course, there is other stuff out there to listen to, but it's standard Top 40 fare. It's being played every 30 minutes on a non-stop rotation ad nauseum.<br />
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Daft Punk & Pharrell Williams--Get Lucky<br />
Robin Thicke featuring Pharrell Williams and T.I.--Blurred Lines<br />
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Seems Pharrell Williams is everywhere these days. I can take Daft Punk every now & then, and it was the only listenable feature of that suck-fest Kanye West called "Stronger". This, however, is just re-hashed 70s disco drivel. The Robin Thicke track is also bordering disco cheese but is a bit more catchy. Then again, so is the clap and you don't want that, either. I purposely chose to include the Unrated Version, because someone has to have the balls to show some naked boobs to make this worth watching.<br />
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Miley Cyrus--We Can't Stop<br />
Speaking of things that are catchy but you wish weren't, there's Miley Cyrus and her new youngster party anthem, We Can't Stop. The video is a goofy little acid trip, with unexplainable shit like dancing with giant stuffed animals on your back and dressing like a call girl in high heeled sneakers. Sadly it gets in your head like that worm Khan shoves in your ear in Star Trek II and you feel dirty for listening.<br />
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And I shall leave you with the most surprising track I discovered this summer. Thankfully there are still young people out there willing to take the time to classically train and properly master a musical instrument, like Spencer Ludwig (provinding the trumpet on Capital Cities smash single "Safe & Sound") and violinist/dancer Lindsey Stirling, who mixes her beautiful violin strains with wicked dubstep grooves. This is an awesome track for driving.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/aHjpOzsQ9YI?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-73366582832896063762013-07-12T17:00:00.001-04:002015-01-09T20:56:39.509-05:00Some advice on getting inked<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEincbCySHu4dZ-BFhiYTIKwCCujug2s80oSUJlk4jFOMMrqlsOJU8ToMxz8O6ebUuDP47pSfGUXAbghqH-ycRUl2xz3sNiU_-a6gZB0Av63TkMCYQVWZIJyC-WHzj951-qZShgaLb-nrxM/s1600/PICT0002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEincbCySHu4dZ-BFhiYTIKwCCujug2s80oSUJlk4jFOMMrqlsOJU8ToMxz8O6ebUuDP47pSfGUXAbghqH-ycRUl2xz3sNiU_-a6gZB0Av63TkMCYQVWZIJyC-WHzj951-qZShgaLb-nrxM/s640/PICT0002.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, that is me getting tattooed at Black Orchid in Savannah, GA in August 2008</td></tr>
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When I was younger, there was still a bit of a stigma about getting a tattoo. It was a taboo, done by salty sailors or scary bikers or punk rockers, and back then a woman with a tat was of questionable virtue. As I hit my late teens that all relaxed a bit, and while I was at Military Police School a lot of us went and got inked. I thought about it but didn't go through with it. They all got skulls wearing berets with daggers in their teeth, and that just wasn't my style. I wasn't sure what I really wanted in all honesty. Besides, the Drill Sergeants gave grief to the guys who went through with it, citing Destruction of Government Property just as an excuse to make them do pushups.<br />
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A year and change later I was in Germany, and a buddy of mine was getting a couple tats to commemorate his Army experience before he got out. He went to a very reputable and well-known artist, and I thought about doing it impulsively to say I'd been done by a well-known artist overseas. I almost got inked with comic strip icons Calvin & Hobbes dancing in sunglasses. I also wanted a logo from the band Depeche Mode included with it. Seriously.<br />
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Thankfully, his tats took so much time that when they were finished there was no time left for me and we went home.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QaoSMEopxvAFiUaHUYk6yda0m8kpQYxptmLqURfG6i7nNxfP4RWZRAW9TkF_tiYj8-mSQISEN7PiAPmQuTCGacpluZGPiFfLILAq9Y97UPEyXx_7U-2P3lJbu5QWxjygdmTiedHmp-k/s1600/calvinhobbes_dance.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QaoSMEopxvAFiUaHUYk6yda0m8kpQYxptmLqURfG6i7nNxfP4RWZRAW9TkF_tiYj8-mSQISEN7PiAPmQuTCGacpluZGPiFfLILAq9Y97UPEyXx_7U-2P3lJbu5QWxjygdmTiedHmp-k/s400/calvinhobbes_dance.gif" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, I almost had this as a permanent feature on my body.</td></tr>
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I met a lot of guys in the Army with tats that made me wonder what in the blue hell they were thinking when they got them. One guy had Beetle Bailey sleeping in a foxhole on his arm. Another had a pale faded Mickey Mouse while still another had a sketchy Garfield. One guy even had a bantam rooster on his calf that he told people was the "cock beneath his knees".Seriously.<br />
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I shelved the tattoo idea for years. In fact, I was 36 before I got my first tattoo. I had just married Mrs. Wingman and she wanted us both to get inked. She already had four when we met so this was old hat for her. I fretted over what to get and after flipping through the books of pre-drawn art (known in tat-speak as Flash) I finally picked a simple Celtic tri-knot that went on my left bicep.<br />
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Once the seal is broken, so to speak, it's easy to get hooked on tattoos. Damned easy. I now have 8 in all. I went back and got another Celtic knot design above the tri-knot and then got a Celtic cross under it. Then I found a design online that I liked, a Celtic tribal that went on my left calf. After that I decided the time had come to finally design my tribute to Depeche Mode...<br />
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To keep the cost down I did it in three installments. Each session I did another portion of it, first the one logo I always wanted, then a second under it, and finally the words "enjoy the silence" from my favorite song, flanked by more logo art.<br />
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My final tat is a tribute to my Army time, a pair of crossed flintlock pistols (the symbol of the Military Police) superimposed behind the famous Gadsden rattlesnake. Instead of "Don't Tread On Me" it says "Liberty or Death".<br />
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The designs I picked are strictly for my own tastes. They probably aren't what you would pick. I sometimes wish I'd picked my first two a little more carefully in retrospect. It happens sometimes.<br />
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Nowadays tattoos are as common as earrings. TV is chock-a-block full of tat shows. The stigma is fading fast, if not pretty much extinct.<br />
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I'm not here to tell you whether or not to get inked. That is entirely <i><b>your</b></i> choice. I'm also not going to tell you what to get or where should you decide to get inked, either. Personal choices are just that; <i>personal</i>.<br />
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However, there are some helpful tips that I can give you that may ease your way into joining the ranks of the inked.<br />
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Think long and hard about even getting it in the first place. This is, for all intents & purposes, a permanent modification to your body. Yes, you can laser it off (an expensive & somewhat painful process that probably won't be covered by insurance, doesn't always remove it 100% & often leaves scarring) or there's Wrecking Balm, a fading & removal system that is a bit like a micro-dermal abrasion kit. It's gotten terrible reviews at Amazon, thusly Buyer Beware.<br />
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So consider it permanent.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP_S1bc8_wkZmqLNR4fDnbhHRnaQtztFDtjpwVZzi87vfaQ0kbLJFG_ffEDhyphenhyphen42oDouL8pokX2KAfhTAoR5AEi2B6LxoixVE4E_2xKWn6xDmDQ_MdOh4hjcS6qUiLVJTA8HnXLqexpBJ8/s1600/balm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP_S1bc8_wkZmqLNR4fDnbhHRnaQtztFDtjpwVZzi87vfaQ0kbLJFG_ffEDhyphenhyphen42oDouL8pokX2KAfhTAoR5AEi2B6LxoixVE4E_2xKWn6xDmDQ_MdOh4hjcS6qUiLVJTA8HnXLqexpBJ8/s320/balm.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amazon was NOT kind to this product. Caveat Emptor.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Not every tattoo mistake can be easily covered up, despite what the plethora of cable-TV tattoo shows say.That will depend on size, location, coloring, shading, and scar tissue, if any.<br />
<br />
Don't get it on impulse, <i>especially</i> after drinking. That leads to bad tats and Tattoo Regret. Go ahead and Google up "bad tattoos" and see what I mean. Think about the design and what it really means to you and whether it is something you would really want on your skin forever. Think also about whether the design is something you really can't show in dressy social situations. Skulls, scorpions, spiders, four-letter words, naked bodies and devils sometimes don't go over well at work, depending on your job.<br />
<br />
Think about placement, too. Is it going to be somewhere that can easily be concealed for work (in which case the design may be less of a factor) since your employer, or future employer perhaps, could possibly be not exactly tat-friendly. If you're a lady and the tat might go on a leg where wearing a dress or skirt might show it off, that needs to be factored in. Think of how it will look with a wedding dress. Seriously, I would also avoid face and neck tattoos. Social stigmas may have relaxed, but really, not that far. White collar, finance type jobs still frown on visible tats.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3R1j4KD5lzTFjFBHySOThrXdssqLqkhVDCsm6M4Uu8ycNlEkqBs-8bXYoq7aaoDH44VQfNHzabwVjAy8YJ5nnLU2Y0s8tWv0zQbawpJECF2UXxGzh1in0NJ05vv2X3_-JvUTX69qjFzs/s1600/GUCCI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3R1j4KD5lzTFjFBHySOThrXdssqLqkhVDCsm6M4Uu8ycNlEkqBs-8bXYoq7aaoDH44VQfNHzabwVjAy8YJ5nnLU2Y0s8tWv0zQbawpJECF2UXxGzh1in0NJ05vv2X3_-JvUTX69qjFzs/s320/GUCCI.jpg" height="292" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No. Under no circumstances. This is just stupid.</td></tr>
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Tattoos of people's names....<br />
<br />
In a word: NO. Think twice about inking someone's name into your skin. <b>Then think about it twice more. </b>A boyfriend, a girlfriend, a spouse....sad to say it but those aren't necessarily "forever" arrangements. I make exceptions for kids, as your kids are yours forever. I can also make exceptions for memorializing those who have passed away. That's <i>way</i> different than getting a tat for the current person you're sleeping with, because six months down the road after they dump you, the next person riding you like a carnival attraction is gonna have to look at that tat every time they have you naked. That's bad juju, son. Angelina Jolie lasered off her BILLY BOB tattoo, and Johnny Depp turned WINONA FOREVER into WINO FOREVER.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJo_a0ctEvcGaNITuprKPIM8Jvriq4dTtlHGoaUxNyixVaPNALyPAc6e7RxHNLIvUW-iHaQa6odfZ0zVtMevhln8IbXiLeyvLGK2gd_Z1h_c2IifNAosMmZNSithKp_cs4PgqsbraC7oU/s1600/102_1405.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJo_a0ctEvcGaNITuprKPIM8Jvriq4dTtlHGoaUxNyixVaPNALyPAc6e7RxHNLIvUW-iHaQa6odfZ0zVtMevhln8IbXiLeyvLGK2gd_Z1h_c2IifNAosMmZNSithKp_cs4PgqsbraC7oU/s640/102_1405.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mrs. Wingman's tribute to her mom.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Words in your tats: Make damned sure you spell it the way you want it. These people are going to tattoo what you give them to tattoo; if you mis-spell something, so will they, chances are. This goes double if it is in a foreign language. Not all tattoo artists speak Latin. Great examples are all over the Web, chief among these being the infamous "Only God Can Juge Me" tats.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2GHYFou81bjbuSqtYpngGljzr9YzZPt3l1pcsa_Sh2Dd4nuyXH-N5C1tprCQaj9QqIH7Iv7GWB7bVrI5A8BZuCLx4dCuCafU-w0gGRtmh3kRwNO_KFeJrAtH9AsCmfdA234iMdaF40SU/s1600/a96737_a481_beautiful-tradgedy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2GHYFou81bjbuSqtYpngGljzr9YzZPt3l1pcsa_Sh2Dd4nuyXH-N5C1tprCQaj9QqIH7Iv7GWB7bVrI5A8BZuCLx4dCuCafU-w0gGRtmh3kRwNO_KFeJrAtH9AsCmfdA234iMdaF40SU/s400/a96737_a481_beautiful-tradgedy.jpg" height="370" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A tragic mistake</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDHfZdFyC_rkkxuplhOe8FT2sF9Jc3baGttEsZ0rQRFHeoJ5M5mR7bm9gkDoRUo6YWYZHr3Mqx4Ux5rvNG4K6l3TvFwhzR-g0bpr5Dx4S-YNGfKhqinA4OAGsHpA1s_rIeHUcneInJwQk/s1600/oops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDHfZdFyC_rkkxuplhOe8FT2sF9Jc3baGttEsZ0rQRFHeoJ5M5mR7bm9gkDoRUo6YWYZHr3Mqx4Ux5rvNG4K6l3TvFwhzR-g0bpr5Dx4S-YNGfKhqinA4OAGsHpA1s_rIeHUcneInJwQk/s400/oops.jpg" height="400" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Great tat, bad spelling.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Picking an artist.<br />
<br />
Wow. This can be a daunting task. Whenever I see some great ink on people I compliment them on their tat and ask where they got it done just to see who does what sort of work. Most people with tats are pretty open to talking about them, I've found, and <i>everyone</i> loves a compliment. I live in a state where tattoo shops were FINALLY legalized just a few years ago, so prior to that folks either had to jump the border into Georgia or North Carolina or get inked by unlicensed underground types in a basement. That led to a lot of REALLY dodgy tats here that rival prison tats in their quality.<br />
<br />
Look, I do not trust people who tattoo at home, regardless of what they claim their skills to be. I only recommend a licensed professional tattoo artist with a health certificate on the wall. Most studios I've been to have been very clean and brightly lit. One shop I went to locally however looked like a dive bar, was located next to a strip club, was dimly lit, the only customer in sight was getting what looked like gang lettering, and they were outrageously priced. Needless to say, I walked.<br />
<br />
Remember first & foremost, a professional tattoo artist is an <i>artist</i> first. They appreciate custom design work and like to show off their unique tats in portfolio books or on personal websites. Most artists I've spoken to and known prefer to tattoo custom, individual designs over just rehashing a flash design from the books. Respect your artist. Don't waste their time.<br />
<br />
I like to print out my tat ideas in a variety of sizes to pick exactly what I want, and as dorky as this sounds, literally tape it in place where I want it to make sure the placement is right. Trust me, your artist will appreciate it when you come in and know what you want and exactly where you want it. If possible, either via email or in person discuss it ahead of time with the artist so they know what to expect design-wise and time-wise. Some artists will charge hourly on bigger pieces and other just charge by the piece, often based on how much prep & design work they have to do beforehand.<br />
<br />
My artist appreciates that when I walk in for my scheduled appointment, I'm not wasting his valuable time. He knows what we're doing and I have the final design in hand, exactly the size I want, so all he has to do is quickly trace out the stencil and set up the tattoo machine and inks. No waiting around while I hem & haw & change my mind and bullshit around.<br />
<br />
Another perk of going to a licensed pro: you get to watch them don sterile surgical gloves and open FRESH, brand-new needles from a factory-sealed package to set up the tattoo machine (please don't call it a tattoo gun; this isn't a state correctional facility) and sort out the various inks that will be used. Again, professional tattoo artists use quality inks whereas your backyard scribbler who bought a tat machine at the mall kiosk is likely using cheap mall kiosk ink that will soon fade and look like it was done on you with a Bic ballpoint pen by a shaky hand with the DT's. Probably re-uses needles, too, thinking that soaking them in rubbing alcohol for 10 minutes is a substitute for fresh sterile needles. I knew someone who got a home tat that ended up looking like a war zone after it got infected, the color bled out, and the remaining crappy art that they started with scabbed up like a lava field.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi046f_tt6222TxbvII-SVUoAhyGcpAvqNf-Va1VWtLzcKeO9hwmoKcYaHL6X1eZHo0wO1svhiYZ6pv8W08lOpKqthqYRXHIzDm5U5Lf_dPDWEep_09pdNcEim5kEVw3fs8AINdnr3t_zM/s1600/tattoo-machine-diagram.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi046f_tt6222TxbvII-SVUoAhyGcpAvqNf-Va1VWtLzcKeO9hwmoKcYaHL6X1eZHo0wO1svhiYZ6pv8W08lOpKqthqYRXHIzDm5U5Lf_dPDWEep_09pdNcEim5kEVw3fs8AINdnr3t_zM/s640/tattoo-machine-diagram.jpg" height="529" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOFMtcEccreau4a5K9vEBRjJCiMVSr_7NVcj30Rq7Ftm3mxArza84JMK0_xpAxElVEqtopT2t0asN0sa-9OgoXXTAuMiifoPRXSGFqOt7bQaLHqbDulKDwEQkV8oB29fLyQa081UMy6i4/s1600/Tattoo-Machine1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOFMtcEccreau4a5K9vEBRjJCiMVSr_7NVcj30Rq7Ftm3mxArza84JMK0_xpAxElVEqtopT2t0asN0sa-9OgoXXTAuMiifoPRXSGFqOt7bQaLHqbDulKDwEQkV8oB29fLyQa081UMy6i4/s400/Tattoo-Machine1.jpg" height="347" width="400" /> </a></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgufsHcBb9oU96O9HaU0IuvfWmFTvz22D5B-8UgLB6fwNfAi0zLNIkPzh_jqYghdyNcxm9tWjRLvkyTt3k3HxdWtV7p2PzR-cq_SqOxbZ6k4dAKOwlmHuj5Kh7oiWGjWhEGaljBrqpboNI/s1600/Tattoo_Needles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgufsHcBb9oU96O9HaU0IuvfWmFTvz22D5B-8UgLB6fwNfAi0zLNIkPzh_jqYghdyNcxm9tWjRLvkyTt3k3HxdWtV7p2PzR-cq_SqOxbZ6k4dAKOwlmHuj5Kh7oiWGjWhEGaljBrqpboNI/s400/Tattoo_Needles.jpg" height="400" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">New, unopened needles</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkC1lxZ-9lmLtZ4nSYu7H2bgWhZoV_H6-c13fbHCcBi-_hJU9DTX97GK50RarFNHtBku-9UvfZhp260ZMJHypOjJtqQXu3UmJMmARM0oCe_phuoIjhHMz0cs657d_MT_jpvj2Vst4OS88/s1600/5-tip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkC1lxZ-9lmLtZ4nSYu7H2bgWhZoV_H6-c13fbHCcBi-_hJU9DTX97GK50RarFNHtBku-9UvfZhp260ZMJHypOjJtqQXu3UmJMmARM0oCe_phuoIjhHMz0cs657d_MT_jpvj2Vst4OS88/s400/5-tip.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Extreme closeup of a 5-tip needle</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitWv3TxEHlKrWf-88p48UAaeUS9HXuxFSldCn9X_X1u7x0zG7la9HaWbwh-6gDvsBzhrTEIJge9L9vmG6NlLNGAKI0HW4l62Iy17b7CbboCPTQfdmcIGVHLTaLTdorDrGK041AsWTH0q0/s1600/tattoo+ink+pots.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitWv3TxEHlKrWf-88p48UAaeUS9HXuxFSldCn9X_X1u7x0zG7la9HaWbwh-6gDvsBzhrTEIJge9L9vmG6NlLNGAKI0HW4l62Iy17b7CbboCPTQfdmcIGVHLTaLTdorDrGK041AsWTH0q0/s400/tattoo+ink+pots.jpg" height="400" width="355" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjveW88IomJgFhyphenhyphenYxsBXJu4twmkfg5Mwkk1j_g8optvxPDfPoD9TUE89MNGaJsvBUedMq0rMnlOhKdG827-OB0b3H5dftWvJzpvR-Wf9Adm-rQfrrBT69SvFlR5hfqvIcjOh1dmh1XG7hA/s1600/Tattoo_needle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjveW88IomJgFhyphenhyphenYxsBXJu4twmkfg5Mwkk1j_g8optvxPDfPoD9TUE89MNGaJsvBUedMq0rMnlOhKdG827-OB0b3H5dftWvJzpvR-Wf9Adm-rQfrrBT69SvFlR5hfqvIcjOh1dmh1XG7hA/s400/Tattoo_needle.jpg" height="383" width="400" /></a></div>
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For an excellent primer on the types and uses of tattoo needles, <a href="http://www.tattoomachineequipment.com/about-tattoo-needles">go here</a>. <br />
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<br />
Okay....did you fully prepare beforehand?<br />
<br />
<i>What do you mean, Wingman? Prepare?</i><br />
<br />
Prepare your body, young grasshopper. You are about the get a foreign substance forcibly injected under your top layers of skin by a multi-tipped surgical steel needle. This ain't finger paints, son.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGRlbUN92VCrEyn3xd8vEDoiiUM0queqLtJhcJLNKIMlcovlnx19VQLTbkynpZCd-twNw1zeGsjVx0uR32qEjIeCeyRwXusuy-bZ23sFIMIBSLpZzzlxT7hswCz88tD613sR-uWOxJL7o/s1600/33950_433844276626766_2057531231_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGRlbUN92VCrEyn3xd8vEDoiiUM0queqLtJhcJLNKIMlcovlnx19VQLTbkynpZCd-twNw1zeGsjVx0uR32qEjIeCeyRwXusuy-bZ23sFIMIBSLpZzzlxT7hswCz88tD613sR-uWOxJL7o/s640/33950_433844276626766_2057531231_n.jpg" height="584" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
Do <i>not</i> imbibe alcohol before a tattoo. If you require Liquid Courage before you do this, you ain't ready. A reputable artist should not and will not tattoo someone who has been drinking. Your judgement is often impaired, and when you sober up and find a Mike Tyson Hangover 2 tribal on your face you have no one to blame but yourself. Also, alcohol thins the blood and makes you bleed more easily. Yes, you are gonna bleed a bit in the process. This is why you go to a professional with a health certificate for blood-borne pathogen training on the wall in a clean bright studio with new needles and surgical gloves, and not some trailer park tweeker who thinks Hepatitis is a cool band name.<br />
<br />
Do yourself a favor and drop 4 Advil about 30 minutes before your start time. It helps. Take 4 more afterwards.<br />
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Don't flinch. Don't wiggle. Don't twitch & jerk. Don't forget to breathe. The amount a tattoo hurts depends on various factors, chief amongst them being your own tolerance for pain. No one likes a crying sissy in the tattoo chair. Remember, you asked for this and are paying money for this. No one held a gun to your head or threatened to light your puppy on fire if you didn't do it. Man the hell up. <br />
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Some artists have a lighter touch than others, too. My artist is generally like a feather most times. The location of your tat will sometimes determine the likelihood of Ouch Factor. Places with thinner, more sensitive skin like the underside of your arms and wrists, tops of feet, breast tissue, and along the ribs often have a higher Ouch Factor. Mrs. Wingman says her worst one out of ten tats was her foot.<br />
<br />
I've had some discomfort at times but nothing excruciating. The only tat of mine that truly hurt was my last one, on the back of my right calf. I don't know why, but that one really was uncomfortable for me. But I grit my teeth and took it. It's a tattoo, not a tickle fest. Again, man the hell up.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOntJeAvMH7XWlgF9tb88Hnw3Vs7W6IHrPwCM2VPzz_dT1an7DEQDrI6qtT0xRk1rMw1GwftZhC0dkhBkp5MLFW33xEfHRi82DkUomT0w75N0XT8St1W5xYFmMWfGNy7TmyHZEe4y4R4/s1600/102_1385.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOntJeAvMH7XWlgF9tb88Hnw3Vs7W6IHrPwCM2VPzz_dT1an7DEQDrI6qtT0xRk1rMw1GwftZhC0dkhBkp5MLFW33xEfHRi82DkUomT0w75N0XT8St1W5xYFmMWfGNy7TmyHZEe4y4R4/s400/102_1385.JPG" height="400" width="321" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Wingman's right calf</td></tr>
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<br />
After your artist is finished, they should put a sterile dressing on it and a healthy slather of a protective ointment. They should also give you proper aftercare instructions. Leave that bandage on for an hour or two. I know you wanna show it off but no one wants to see your new ink while it's gooped up with ointment and weeping blood. For the next few days it will generally feel like a wicked sunburn. Like it or not, your new tat is an open wound on your body, and that bandage keeps airborne microbes out for the critical first couple hours as you seep.<br />
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Many people recommend A&D or some other form of triple antibiotic. I've also seen people use NeoSporin with the pain reliever in it. However, antibiotic goo treats your ink as a foreign invader and will start to leach the ink back out of your skin. That defeats the purpose, no? Instead, I highly recommend using Aquaphor. I also hear good stuff about Tattoo Goo but have never used it. Same with H2Ocean.<br />
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After you remove the bandage, you will want to wash your tattoo. Use lukewarm water and mild liquid antibacterial (like Dial liquid antibacterial) soap to gently wash away any ointment, blood and/or plasma, and to completely clean the area. <b>Do <i>not</i> use a washcloth or anything abrasive.</b> Do not scrub it; your hand is your best tool in this case. (If your tattoo feels slimy and slippery, you have probably been oozing plasma. Try to gently remove as much of this as possible because when the plasma dries on the skin surface, it creates scabs, and no one wants a scabby tat.)<br />
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Then pat (do not rub) the area firmly with a clean, dry towel or paper towel to get it completely dry. Follow with a very light application of your choice of ointment. Keep up the ointment use for a good 3-5 days as it heals. After that, continue to keep it clean, but you can use lotion when needed instead of ointment, to keep the skin soft. Whatever lotion you use, it should be dye, fragrance, and lanolin free. All three of those ingredients work within your body to break down inks, and you may experience color loss, fading, or spotting. Not cool.<br />
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As far as bathing goes, it's okay to get your tattoo wet but don't soak it. Submerging your tattoo in a bath or hot tub can cause serious damage, so avoid those for 2-3 weeks, but showering is perfectly fine as long as you don't saturate your tattoo. If you get soap or shampoo on your tattoo, just rinse it quickly with water. Swimming should be avoided for at least 2 weeks. Be careful drying off, and just pat your tat dry.<br />
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After a few days, you will notice some peeling and possibly some scabbing. A little scabbing is sometimes normal and there is no need to panic. Apply warm, moist compresses to the scabs for about 5 minutes 2-3 times a day to soften them and they will eventually come off on their own. (<b>Do not apply ointment or lotion to a softened scab ; wait for it to dry first</b>) You will also start to itch, just like a sunburn when it begins to heal. Heed my words: <b>don't pick, and don't scratch</b>. You'll screw up your tat majorly. Picking scabs can result in color loss and potential scar tissue. If the skin itches, slap it lightly. If it is peeling, put lotion on it. And if it is scabbing, just leave it the hell alone. Your ink is almost healed, and now is not the time to ruin it because you can't keep your dick-beaters and booger hooks off of it.<br />
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Excessive sun exposure can fade your tat quickly, despite the use of vibrant, quality inks. Start using a minimum of SPF 30 sunblock. Coppertone makes a tat-specific sunblock now, as does Color Guard. Take care of your ink; you bought and paid for it, and it's yours to keep up with.<br />
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Now go forth, tadpoles, and be inked.<br />
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Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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<i>The Wingman sends a special shout out to the crew at Black Orchid in Savannah, GA. You can visit my artist's own site<a href="http://www.creepshowtattoo.com/"> here</a>. </i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Inside Black Orchid</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-31205743151334472682013-05-31T22:40:00.001-04:002013-05-31T22:40:04.388-04:00New product updates<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In my never-ending quest to find suitable grooming products, I take the chances so you don't have to. That's the job of the Wingman. Learning from the experiences & wisdom of others is your job, young Padawans.<br />
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As we've established before I spend a fair amount of time with razor in hand making my pate smooth as freshly-squeezed Italian silk. That said, I've gone through a long list of shave products & razors in my time.<br />
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I think I may have finally found the perfect disposable razor in the Schick Quattro Titanium. It gives a good, clean shave without hacking my skin like a cheese grater, stays sharp for several shaves, and comes with a clever edging blade on the reverse of the pivot head. It's moderately priced and came with a nifty coupon in the package for the next pack. Bonus!<br />
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When I bought the razors, another product caught my eye on the shelf above. Always on the lookout for the best in shave goo, I spied a tube of Every Man Jack Shave Cream. I'd never heard of these guys before, and the stuff had a very snazzy upscale looking container, so I have it a shot. Their <a href="http://everymanjack.com/">whole product line</a> is geared toward grooming a refined gentleman without bankrupting him. But does it work?<br />
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According to the website, "This rich, low-foam formula softens and preps your skin and beard for a more comfortable shave. Won’t dry out skin or clog pores, either. Made for sensitive skin..." and that it contains something called Squalane derived from wheat germ, which lubricates and softens; olive oil extract that hydrates; chamomile that soothes; and aloe that heals. Nifty. So what doesn't it have? No parabens, no phthalates, no dyes, no sodium lauryl sulfate, and wasn't tested on animals. But does it work? Yes and no.<br />
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It is indeed a rich and low-foam cream. Problem is, that richness also clogs the bejeezus out of my razor. It will give you a great shave as long as you start with a steamed, damp beard or scalp, and you clean out the razor often, and I do mean often. If you often shave in a hurry, or lack patience, this might not be for you.<br />
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I had also previously stated that I wanted to try some of the new stuff coming out from AXE. While I haven't tried the shave products, I did go ahead and get one of the skin products. I'm always concerned about heavy scents in products so they had to first pass the sniff test. I took a whiff of the BOOST Energizing face wash and it smelled odd and kinda strong, almost off-putting. My face didn't need energizing, so I then smelled the CHILLED cooling face wash. More pleasant but still pretty strong, and my face wasn't feeling warm enough to need chilling. Instead I opted for the generally low-fragrance CONTROIL oily skin face scrub, because while I'm not prone to severe face grease, I do have a bit of shine in the T-zone. Gang, this stuff is the real deal. It only takes a small amount of scrub to lather the whole face and it leaves you feeling exceedingly clean. I highly recommend this product.<br />
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I also recently tried the Warming Anti-Blackhead Cleanser from Biore, just on a lark. They aren't kidding about the warming; as soon as you squirt this thick goop onto your fingers it starts to heat up and that heat feels really interesting on your face. The heat soon fades, almost too soon, as you work it into your skin and the little beads that every facial cleanser is infused with these days scrub you clean. Of course, the bulk of the action is done through salicylic acid, found in every anti-acne product on the market. If you have a blackhead problem, give this a try & see if it help.<br />
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Okay, gang. That wraps up this latest update. Feel free to let your wingman know if you've found stuff that works, or if you've found success based upon my advice. Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-48023654636529959042013-05-05T21:43:00.001-04:002013-05-05T21:46:26.201-04:00Now Hear This, Volume 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'd like to make this a regular feature here at The Savvy Guyde. Part of being a savvy guy is being hip to music that doesn't suck monkey balls. Any assclown can listen to the local Top 40 station & hear the same ten or fifteen songs that the record labels want you to hear regurgitated on a 60-minute loop. That takes zero effort and zero imagination. You're above that chicanery, else you wouldn't be reading this blog.<br />
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I've lived a lifetime assiduously eschewing the drivel of average Top 40 pop music and listening instead to what used to be called New Wave and Alternative and then became Modern Rock and EDM (Electronic Dance Music). As I've matured into the Virtual Wingman that I am, I've found it a daunting challenge indeed to find new music that I can get into before it becomes popular and thusly ruined by overplay as it gets Top 40 rotation. As I find stuff I shall endeavor to share them with you in a timely manner. A savvy guy does not listen to Justin Bieber. A savvy guy does not listen to Taylor Swift. No, not even as bait to get laid. Ever. Again, you're above that.<br />
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That said, listen up and get savvy.<br />
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Capital Cities-- Safe and Sound<br />
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Found this gem from Ryan Merchant and Sebu Simonian (the duo who make up
Capital Cities) by accident listening to Sirius a couple weekends back
and it was absolutely love at first
listen. Great beats, catchy hooks, impossible to keep from dancing while
listening to. This is my new jam for Spring. Even features live trumpet
instead of a sample, courtesy of young virtuoso Spencer Ludwig, and it
really makes the song. Look for the full album out June 11th. This is just one of
several clever videos out there for this song.<br />
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Icona Pop--I Love It (I Don't Care)
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Great techno-pop dance music from Sweden, where good dance music seems to grow on trees. Caught this for the first time last week on Sirius as well. I dare you to sit still while listening. It demands to be blasted at peak volume with the top down.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UxxajLWwzqY?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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The Airborne Toxic Event--Timeless<br />
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Another accidental finding on Sirius (Detecting a pattern yet?). A few years back I fell head over
heels with their song "Sometime Around Midnight" and even named it one
of the best songs of 2008 on another blog site. This one grows on you rather quickly.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FyZ7S2rccsg?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Radioactive/It's Time--Imagine Dragons<br />
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Took me awhile to finally get into these guys. I've been let down by so
many newer alternative/modern rock bands that I'm reluctant to get into
bands that are heavily hyped on alternative radio. You've probably already heard these but if not, you need to. Both of these songs
are really great.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/sENM2wA_FTg" width="640"></iframe><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ktvTqknDobU?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Tegan & Sara--Closer<br />
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Twin sisters Tegan and Sara Quin have been around awhile, an indie
staple and a closely guarded secret of sorts. I think I first heard
them in 2004 with their song "Where Does The Good Go". This is a great
pop track that should break them huge.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9e9NSMY8QiQ?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Metric--Breathing Underwater<br />
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It's not often when I can say I first heard a band by watching Carson Daly's bland late night tv show. I usually fall asleep before it comes on and even if I'm still awake, his show will <i>put</i> me to sleep before the first commercial. As a band, Metric has been hanging around in the background for awhile, and this is from their fifth album. Still, it's a damn sight better than the sizzurp-soaked , shinily polished turds they try to feed you on commercial Top 40 radio. Kinda reminds me of 90s shoe-gaze bands like Lush.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/PZuLsz4yPPM?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Pet Shop Boys--Axis<br />
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The first single off their upcoming "Electric" album, not due till July 15th, Axis is the kind of intelligent dance music that I've come to expect from a band that I've listened to since 1986. This looks to be a great return to the dancefloor epics I knew & loved from PSB after a couple of hit-or-miss albums that were sort of on the mostly mellow and tepid side. Oddly, it's damn near an instrumental, with muted, minimal vocals. Don;t watch the video if you're seizure prone.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/IDCU17wXktY?rel=0" width="640"></iframe><br />
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And, of course, there's new Depeche Mode.....<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Disclaimer: Yes, I am biased. Depeche Mode is my favorite band of all time.</div>
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The new album is called Delta Machine, and while I'm sad that it wasn't
close to the glory that was "Violator" despite claims that it was a return to that sound, there are some good tracks on it
and the new single is in my opinion the best track of the whole CD.
Whereas the first single "Heaven" was an austere minimal (damn near funereal) ballad, "Soothe
My Soul" is a dancefloor stomper with a dark, murky, sensual edge, just
the way a Depeche Mode song <i>should</i> be. Play it LOUD, friends, and see
what a 32-year career as the cutting edge of music brings to the table.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bt-28iNQnwY?rel=0" width="640"></iframe> <br />
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Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-38666361124674794162013-04-10T16:37:00.002-04:002013-04-14T18:55:28.294-04:00Dumping Starbucks for all the Right ReasonsLately, you may or may not have heard in the news or various social media outlets about a call from folks to boycott Starbucks. This is based upon Starbucks being in favor of same-sex marriage, and a call from those who are against it to boycott Starbucks.<br />
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This is not a political blog site, and I won't get into that issue here. HOWEVER, I'm actually in favor of dumping Starbucks based upon a totally different reason: I simply refuse to pay nine bucks for a pretentiously-named cup of coffee, in a size that comes with an equally pretentious name, served by a pretentious hipster FAR cooler than you (in their own opinion) who seems to <i>enjoy</i> saying shit like Venti Triple Half-Caf Double-Foam Skinny Caramel Hazlenut Macchiato. Not only do they enjoy it, they look down their upturned noses derisively at you if you aren't hip to their "proper" coffee terminology and size names. I also don't want to be surrounded by Cooler-Than-You twatwaffles in corduroy suitcoats live-Tweeting their day on an iPhone 5 while they type their manifesto on a MacBook Pro, leeching free WiFi before their Pilates class.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi__tau5Tubm0gc5adIU-S4XY0CGzk90Udvqe2d_GQXILqDy2beVeJDbocn3efHQz75qq3sZUjVYluHDZ2U7ClxWoK5-jBQfGI2_Sh-C924R8RMhDoAJJ5_Xyc3ggEobhzZAmRglVrtyzQ/s1600/macbook-air-first-world1-300x198.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi__tau5Tubm0gc5adIU-S4XY0CGzk90Udvqe2d_GQXILqDy2beVeJDbocn3efHQz75qq3sZUjVYluHDZ2U7ClxWoK5-jBQfGI2_Sh-C924R8RMhDoAJJ5_Xyc3ggEobhzZAmRglVrtyzQ/s400/macbook-air-first-world1-300x198.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Whatever happened to <b>A Cup of Coffee?</b><br />
<br />
Personally, I forgo those establishments in favor of the ritual of doing it myself, with style & panache. I like to buy my coffee whole bean and grind it myself. Wait...I'm ahead of myself......hold on...<br />
<br />
You can experiment a bit with your coffee. Coffee is like wine; different climates and soil acidity will affect the flavor of the beans, just like it will affect wine grapes. Taste different varietals and see what you prefer. Don't just settle for Maxwell House or Folgers. Those will work in a pinch but are the coffee equivalent of box wine or cheap beer. Try a Sumatran, or a Kenyan AA, or a Costa Rican Peaberry. World Market carries a good selection of coffee, and believe it or not so does Target, and both are reasonably priced too.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Tbbv_O2ACXO09N5O2HPbQ45oM3pZ65TFBkrAX4BEsDBwONSgrmjrXY-2Myehq6KzLDEif7RYkLFiFrVQkdRcYaSQbpTPBV5hhyphenhyphenoskwEyzyNvyobxzIj6Ek3v3aKX48GknAX0A_YSUsk/s1600/archer_farms_coffee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Tbbv_O2ACXO09N5O2HPbQ45oM3pZ65TFBkrAX4BEsDBwONSgrmjrXY-2Myehq6KzLDEif7RYkLFiFrVQkdRcYaSQbpTPBV5hhyphenhyphenoskwEyzyNvyobxzIj6Ek3v3aKX48GknAX0A_YSUsk/s400/archer_farms_coffee.jpg" width="384" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCh7A-JR-pxQawEpATldCRua359mHjCvDfgAJ7iWeJH4tGR-ulZNPHi6tebjXamzsPrUxe53BLpbmioru30xoCtQWwBIlFgyguTGup3rA4_sierfM7Ayn2qk8Io93GQHQOz-_gbsmh5ug/s1600/Costa-Rica-Tarrazu-Archer-Farms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCh7A-JR-pxQawEpATldCRua359mHjCvDfgAJ7iWeJH4tGR-ulZNPHi6tebjXamzsPrUxe53BLpbmioru30xoCtQWwBIlFgyguTGup3rA4_sierfM7Ayn2qk8Io93GQHQOz-_gbsmh5ug/s400/Costa-Rica-Tarrazu-Archer-Farms.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Archer Farms is the Target house brand</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhic4hAUzK32fAKEebTjw1iuT02eG-W9HcMb6dKjQbM1SqyFgL17zyQqo2045n4pOffRBrXvqmuRoxiSM019Ahgf_cN-h79EhdomUTw8oUD3LYwaY5AFN3EbKjXtdgVM498T5THaxE8ctU/s1600/learn-more-coffee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhic4hAUzK32fAKEebTjw1iuT02eG-W9HcMb6dKjQbM1SqyFgL17zyQqo2045n4pOffRBrXvqmuRoxiSM019Ahgf_cN-h79EhdomUTw8oUD3LYwaY5AFN3EbKjXtdgVM498T5THaxE8ctU/s400/learn-more-coffee.jpg" width="363" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFFE2j30nK_CPKgkR7-YLTffKnmqBdcJHoXcmJfktddcSfjyzknyvRuz4U4U8Z9nOtnSNZSBhZR7oe7BtlZDX3OKv7DS-MS2Y_inON23hPOeD8NFnBIMY79cD6oD3uUPG0MswXK1-v_Y8/s1600/kenya+aa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFFE2j30nK_CPKgkR7-YLTffKnmqBdcJHoXcmJfktddcSfjyzknyvRuz4U4U8Z9nOtnSNZSBhZR7oe7BtlZDX3OKv7DS-MS2Y_inON23hPOeD8NFnBIMY79cD6oD3uUPG0MswXK1-v_Y8/s400/kenya+aa.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Good stuff at World Market</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Store your coffee in the freezer; it lasts longer.<br />
<br />
Now, back to grinding. You can get an inexpensive grinder for about twenty bucks. I use a small spice grinder from Black & Decker. It grinds a perfect amount for how I brew my coffee.<br />
<br />
<i>How you brew? Whatever do you mean, Wingman?</i><br />
<br />
I don't use a standard coffee maker, and I don't have one of those snazzy Keurig pod makers either. I use a French Press.<br />
<br />
<i>A who?</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOE5pSUgQ1UCudLS8HSyxCpK3b37xfH7gXccCjWjd4H7bmgAd6NB-DAIaWR7WNxRYT9sOeJSCQsEP7HSLtHBvdpgjlfCHdGpfIey6r1SDEICnwpDafqCbyiIwwhwKzLnGlJO0nqm7VZxU/s1600/French-Press-Style-Coffee-1626.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOE5pSUgQ1UCudLS8HSyxCpK3b37xfH7gXccCjWjd4H7bmgAd6NB-DAIaWR7WNxRYT9sOeJSCQsEP7HSLtHBvdpgjlfCHdGpfIey6r1SDEICnwpDafqCbyiIwwhwKzLnGlJO0nqm7VZxU/s400/French-Press-Style-Coffee-1626.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
A French Press is a glass carafe with a plunger/filter lid. You pour your grounds into the carafe, add boiling water, stir, and steep about five minutes before plunging the filter screen down. You're left with pure, delicious coffee, enough for about 3 cups. Average price? Twenty bucks. Cool factor? Priceless.<br />
<br />
<i>But what if I want espresso or an exotic coffee drink?</i><br />
<br />
Drop forty bucks on an inexpensive home espresso machine. I'm getting one soon myself. As soon as I do, I'll post an update. <br />
<br />
The irony of this all: for about 18 months after college, I worked in a chain bookstore and learned how to be a barista myself. I didn't fit in. I had no tattoos yet. I only had one piercing, in my ear instead of a lip, eye, nose, nipple, reproductive organ, etc... I was hetero, I had military short hair, I hated grunge music. The closest I got to fitting in was my Doc Martens. But I digress.<br />
<br />
Save your money. Save your sanity. Do it yourself and do it with style.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcAxs0L8CLozk5Yh76UlXt767kO7HsktA7CDmub4j9MBOLzL_O7BvyTMxFzqWw7MwWMZUqekO8Nnjm1JZh_diU7IzPcJChPYK5dnUvSsXtPlBjwFVx4lD9oGeSw4eFkTbA5lGpppsLZP0/s1600/538895_147392265405670_643209624_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcAxs0L8CLozk5Yh76UlXt767kO7HsktA7CDmub4j9MBOLzL_O7BvyTMxFzqWw7MwWMZUqekO8Nnjm1JZh_diU7IzPcJChPYK5dnUvSsXtPlBjwFVx4lD9oGeSw4eFkTbA5lGpppsLZP0/s400/538895_147392265405670_643209624_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9kLG_w7nqVLTAIS6CTpNX6qv8BA1ql6k-V1HQzE4VPB4TjuuoirNB5lKiTm-gnA9-PCps4I9ldvqrlPwBxlQqwiCS5NUGpaJt3EBatCdjMZK2p6TFuDgMy_FLEecfAZHoipZXQb88L7k/s1600/1336445395284_1000097.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9kLG_w7nqVLTAIS6CTpNX6qv8BA1ql6k-V1HQzE4VPB4TjuuoirNB5lKiTm-gnA9-PCps4I9ldvqrlPwBxlQqwiCS5NUGpaJt3EBatCdjMZK2p6TFuDgMy_FLEecfAZHoipZXQb88L7k/s400/1336445395284_1000097.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXmyOu0KqgEyBp2SdqXpXb5J1LiP9i53Aoy1tgICB7oy_LsWhbClntau-p2YXj2VY6LqW7DvQyrWGTtW0cx-bddVAc5nm-FtqL4Y8NDGtEqcWFXYKsMBtxyf3qPYetoS83Ad9XxPfMh5w/s1600/78518476.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXmyOu0KqgEyBp2SdqXpXb5J1LiP9i53Aoy1tgICB7oy_LsWhbClntau-p2YXj2VY6LqW7DvQyrWGTtW0cx-bddVAc5nm-FtqL4Y8NDGtEqcWFXYKsMBtxyf3qPYetoS83Ad9XxPfMh5w/s400/78518476.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-33214362767339091562013-03-30T12:04:00.003-04:002013-04-14T19:16:07.321-04:00Single Guy Essential: The Go-Kit<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzVY6ukocEntXQNjSI5ebjcFooqgThVAzI8c-r3fPd3vJsIiI5UloZA31uSCcSFCHFz1VBeNmyZ_0zZ7v6XRC4o_mjLAkSo8ZmPLIgNTw4jrnGME9vOodYcCE6bNkldkhEY9Pt67q8IU/s1600/one-night-stands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzVY6ukocEntXQNjSI5ebjcFooqgThVAzI8c-r3fPd3vJsIiI5UloZA31uSCcSFCHFz1VBeNmyZ_0zZ7v6XRC4o_mjLAkSo8ZmPLIgNTw4jrnGME9vOodYcCE6bNkldkhEY9Pt67q8IU/s400/one-night-stands.jpg" width="398" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who are you? Where am I? Why does my mouth feel like a cat box?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Ever watch one of those cookie cutter rom-com films where the guy & girl meet at some trendy bar or club, are instantly attracted to each other, and they end up at her apartment where they wake up the next morning after a drunken fumble?<br />
<br />
Of course you have. Maybe not by choice, but you've seen them.<br />
<br />
And if you're like me, you've called shenanigans on the guy who stayed all weekend wearing the same clothes that were sweated in and funked-up at the bar, without his toothbrush or pit-stick, or even contact lens solution. It's total crap.<br />
<br />
That's why I recommend every guy who is single & looking to carry a small Go Kit in their car trunk.<br />
<br />
No, I'm not talking about some Doomsday Prepper Zombie Apocalypse Bug Out Bag full of dehydrated food and extra ammo. I'm not against having one of those though.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieSrw0ivIZ_kUSqbePTQECvwSzgXa05DDo-Z_GjXyAQSvrWQYoLwblkRAMHHCvaVLIXLkkdRRrw-OLeEfMxjGCSPDYIFJdeTIpOouT2Lx4IhTu7RsVYJVlkly8_NGBFo-qotC61aCey7Q/s1600/bug-out-bag-xl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieSrw0ivIZ_kUSqbePTQECvwSzgXa05DDo-Z_GjXyAQSvrWQYoLwblkRAMHHCvaVLIXLkkdRRrw-OLeEfMxjGCSPDYIFJdeTIpOouT2Lx4IhTu7RsVYJVlkly8_NGBFo-qotC61aCey7Q/s400/bug-out-bag-xl.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
This is more of an emergency, just-in-case, overnight bag. In all honesty, it doesn't even have to be for a night when you get lucky. What if you just get stranded somewhere? Or you're out at a friend's party and get past the point where you should drive, and a cab isn't an option? It's still a savvy plan to have some emergency essentials on hand if you gotta crash on someone's sofa.<br />
<br />
First, the bag. It doesn't have to be a suitcase, just a small kit bag less than bookbag/knapsack size to grab quickly. Don't look like you're moving in. I suggest maybe the excellent gear bag from <a href="http://man-pack.com/">Man-PACK</a> (whom I neglected to include in my Man Bag <a href="http://savvyguyde.blogspot.com/2013/02/its-gear-bag-not-man-purse.html">article</a>) or the flight bags from <a href="http://www.rothco.com/general/index.cfm/SubCat/Military-Gear-Bags/fuseaction/showitems/subcatid/185/prodid/112/from/left">Rothco</a>. Or, for you old-schoolers, an Army surplus tanker's tool bag or Air Force flyer's kit bag. Don't go all leather and brass; this is gonna sit in your trunk 99% of the time, chummy. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivFlUjCKJlyzDNfaFbtFia1B2WMCtUNTponKob1oMJdcM48rZpZJjRl_ngNs0ZH2eE84Ppkuy3zTAqtV-zaYj4L7klPBPzRqnPE7EY4IJmD9frH4AE9VHdPvQL5h6L0qpo-6jRS2gbXKE/s1600/Tool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivFlUjCKJlyzDNfaFbtFia1B2WMCtUNTponKob1oMJdcM48rZpZJjRl_ngNs0ZH2eE84Ppkuy3zTAqtV-zaYj4L7klPBPzRqnPE7EY4IJmD9frH4AE9VHdPvQL5h6L0qpo-6jRS2gbXKE/s1600/Tool.jpg" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpC2n2eQz98pWlJZpwx2icaSY_DZYgWDtnAbdQCyUz9itxq1Zh9_AFRzdNz6Z_P15cqMY3ybpkWRqlvXETKfRLyKkN7dTVM1pqAjE7rkhVdPszIMhpQHLz3IOGTJT4VwoJN5JaiDBqMsU/s1600/Man-PACK-1076_800.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpC2n2eQz98pWlJZpwx2icaSY_DZYgWDtnAbdQCyUz9itxq1Zh9_AFRzdNz6Z_P15cqMY3ybpkWRqlvXETKfRLyKkN7dTVM1pqAjE7rkhVdPszIMhpQHLz3IOGTJT4VwoJN5JaiDBqMsU/s320/Man-PACK-1076_800.png" width="212" /></a></div>
Now, time to fill your bag. This may sound completely & utterly obvious to some, but having a checklist isn't always a bad thing. You're more or less putting together a quick travel shaving kit with a few extras.<br />
<br />
Get thee to Target or WalMart and hit up the travel sized items.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNDu9VsPn_wtrE6tvDvDV0XhdQ86JN3eNgc31Zugau7D3Ig4QHKS1YLy9oybzckPJ7ugcJyS7keGk3Pr5ChzCeyK9O6PbhcU8lckHPiPimHz4Z0VK_5xCjNo_in31Kvql0ktvf6IiJ9Hk/s1600/travel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNDu9VsPn_wtrE6tvDvDV0XhdQ86JN3eNgc31Zugau7D3Ig4QHKS1YLy9oybzckPJ7ugcJyS7keGk3Pr5ChzCeyK9O6PbhcU8lckHPiPimHz4Z0VK_5xCjNo_in31Kvql0ktvf6IiJ9Hk/s400/travel.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
*Get yourself a travel toothbrush and some toothpaste.<br />
<br />
<i>C'mom, Wingman; she'll have toofpace at her crib...</i><br />
<br />
This may be true. Hell, we <i>pray</i> it's true. But it may not be one you like. And again, you may simply be stuck somewhere overnight, not waking up sticky and confused with a stranger. So do as I say, young grasshopper.<br />
<br />
*Get a mini bottle of shampoo, shower gel, deodorant, and body spray. Remember my <a href="http://savvyguyde.blogspot.com/2013/03/smelling-like-million-bucks.html">advice</a> from smelling like a man: coordinate your smells.<br />
<br />
<i>But Wingman, she's gotta have soap & shampoo at her place, right?</i><br />
<br />
Yeah, but do you wanna smell like hibiscus & pomegranate & peaberry and Teen Spirit? Smell like YOU...the dude she liked the smell of when she brought your goofy ass home to ride like a cheap carnival attraction.<br />
<br />
*Carry a couple condoms. Better safe than sorry. You can laser off a bad tattoo....herpes really <i>is </i>forever.<br />
<br />
<i>Aw, Wingman, seriously? Jimmy hats?</i><br />
<br />
Yes. Shut your pie hole and pay attention, troop.<br />
<br />
*Pack a clean t-shirt, socks & skivvies in a gallon-sized Ziploc freezer bag.<br />
<br />
<i>Why the bag, yo? </i><br />
<br />
So you can put your nasty drawers and socks and shirt from last night in the bag and seal the stink in the Ziploc and not your kit bag.<br />
<br />
*If you wear contacts, pack a spare lens case and travel size cleaning solution.<br />
<br />
<i>I sleep in my lenses, boss.</i><br />
<br />
Okay, touche. Some of you have lenses you can sleep in. Some of you do not, and your eyes will HATE you in the morning after you go hang out at a smoky club and sweat gets in your eyes and then you slept in them. You'll wake up with eyes blurry, gooey, and redder than a baboon's ass. Decidedly unattractive, mate. So as you bask in the afterglow and scuttle off to the john for the after-piss, pop your lenses out. If you have a spare pair of glasses, pack them. If not, go blind awhile. You'll live.<br />
<br />
<i>Should I pack shaving gear?</i><br />
<br />
Not really, unless you have a thick pelt that grows back supremely fast. If so, get travel size shave goo and a disposable razor. Otherwise, save the space in your kit and look scruffy.<br />
<br />
<b>WISDOM TO REMEMBER:</b> Every so often change out the stuff in your kit with fresh supplies. Stuff can go bad sitting in your trunk waiting for you to use it. And remember to RESTOCK your kit after you use items.<br />
<br />
Optional: Spare phone charger. Expensive option, I admit. You could just skip checking your phone and pay attention to your host, y'know. Your call.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>WARNING! DANGER! MINEFIELD!</b> -- Now, you may luck out and not get questioned as to why the hell you have a pre-positioned Go Kit in your trunk. Or you may have to explain. You can be up front and say you simply like to be prepared like a responsible adult. Or you can sugar coat it and say that you once got stranded with no gear once and swore to never again be caught without a toothbrush. Or if she gets pissy about it, just say "Hey, you're the one who brought me home."<br />
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<br />
Herein lies the rub: There is a serious double standard about bringing someone home. If she has to leave your place at 7AM looking disheveled and carrying her heels, it's a Perp Walk or Walk of Shame. A dude leaving a girl's place at 7AM looking like a hobo with a hangover, and that's called the Pride Stride. With a Go Kit you can actually clean up a bit and stay for coffee and look human going home afterwards later in the morning or afternoon and no one is the wiser. Of course, she may still kick you to the curb at sunrise with an empty promise to call you, but at least your teeth will be clean when you stop at Starbucks for a $40.00 double skinny half-caf caramel triple foam moltogrande Crappiato. But that's a blog for another day...<br />
<br />
Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-50035921052655447352013-03-13T16:32:00.000-04:002013-04-14T19:29:36.437-04:00Smelling like a million bucks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<i>Dear Wingman, </i><br />
<i> Can you suggest the best cologne for picking up hotties at the club?</i><br />
<i> Sincerely,</i><br />
<i> Scentless in Seattle</i><br />
<br />
Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as your Virtual Wingman, someone's gotta level with you.<br />
<br />
Most of you <b>stink.</b><br />
<br />
It's not your fault. You bathe. You use a big name scented body wash. You have a great shampoo that smells terrific. You spritz your coiff with a bitchin' pomade. You use freshy fresh deodorant with a guaranteed anti-perspirant. You toss on the body spray that they say drives the wimminz insane. You add a liberal splash of that expensive trendy cologne they advertised in the glossy ad in your favorite men's magazine you read when you're on the toilet.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXw0L4knAd46W5xFav5JVeT5505eaKtdBWlfzuaHH2DsrTkrDMmVMTVL281B1yUUEvW_OUB9O4PeDMo_Fb2dBcYjzqM3YXG4L7wvfmMygXUiXduklb8Rhs5tnDMPOK3T1SUMv46ZtSmvQ/s1600/Corbis-42-18728144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXw0L4knAd46W5xFav5JVeT5505eaKtdBWlfzuaHH2DsrTkrDMmVMTVL281B1yUUEvW_OUB9O4PeDMo_Fb2dBcYjzqM3YXG4L7wvfmMygXUiXduklb8Rhs5tnDMPOK3T1SUMv46ZtSmvQ/s400/Corbis-42-18728144.jpg" width="290" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, we know you read on the shitter. We all do it. We're guys.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
And this, my friend is <i>why</i> you stink.<br />
<br />
<i>But Wingman, whatever do you mean?</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Smell that magazine you were reading. Smells like a dozen cologne ads fighting each other, right? <i>Because they are.</i><br />
<br />
Think about it, Chummy. You are a veritable cornucopia of clashing scents. You have the natural smell of your body, and then you use a scented soap or body wash, and then your pit-stick likely has another smell, your shampoo (if you have hair) has another smell. If you use a styling product it may or may not have a scent. If you have a body spray that's likely yet another flavor. And then, pile on yet another layer of scent with cologne? Dude, you're so wrong. The phrase "You smell like a French Whorehouse" comes to mind.<br />
<br />
If you think about it and do it right, there's no reason for you not to coordinate your products and smell like a million bucks.<br />
<br />
First off, a small disclaimer. I do not work for AXE. I am not being paid by AXE to advertise for them. I simply use the stuff and like it. That said, seriously, AXE is one of the smartest things to happen to men's hygiene in years. At first I resisted trying their stuff because the advertising was so totally out of my demographic. They made it sound like all you had to do was roll out of bed at 8PM, spray on some AXE (or their competitor, the now-defunct TAG) and the lay-tays would climb into your lap & start removing their clothes. I mean seriously, the advertising was <i>that</i> overt. The gist was, "Use this and get laid immediately.", no matter if you're a <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chud">hideous CHUD</a> or not.<br />
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<br />
As an aside, the downside to this is that guys who actually were CHUDs were all butthurt when they still weren't getting any, and a lot of guys started to think that a can of spray-on Whore Gravy was a substitute for actual bathing and clean clothes. Dudes, especially teen boys, would SOAK in it.<br />
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<br />
Gentlemen, allow me to <b>assure you</b> that there <i>is no substitute</i> for washing your ass and wearing clean and serviceable clothes. Proper grooming is essential to being a member of polite society.<br />
<br />
The great thing about AXE is that they really opened up their line of products to make a complete grooming line. This allows you to coordinate the fragrance of your body wash, deodorant, and body spray, with neutral-scented hair products, with <b>no need</b> for an expensive cologne whatsoever.<br />
<br />
<i>Wingman, why you be hatin' on cologne, yo?</i><br />
<br />
I used to wear cologne too when I was younger. Started as a kid, really. My mom always thought it was cute to drop a couple trial-size bottles of shitty aftershave in my Christmas stocking every year; those great relics of the 70s like English Leather, Brut, and Jovan Sex Appeal (or Jovan Musk). Yes, in retrospect that's kinda creepy, getting Sex Appeal from your mom at age 9 but she was just helping a shy nonathletic bookworm kid feel more manly. In junior high I had a bottle of Goeffrey Beene's Grey Flannel and only used it sparingly, so that after awhile it just smelled like vinegar and spice. (Yeah, guys, cologne needs to be used, lest it go bad). In high school the transition was made to Pierre Cardin and then Drakkar Noir, like every 80s kid.<br />
<br />
As an adult, I transitioned over to what was to be my signature scent for awhile, HUGO by Hugo Boss. I wore it the bulk of the 90s.<br />
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<br />
Then around 2002 I changed over to a different scent from the same guy. BOSS by Hugo Boss. I liked it a lot. Then I met the future Mrs. Wingman and... she hated it. The smell made her gag. And herein lies a lesson:<br />
<br />
Just because YOU think it smells good, the lady folk may not like the smell on you. Every scent has to also mingle with your natural body chemistry and smells and some may not go together in a pleasant way.<br />
<br />
I now had a $60.00 bottle of Smell Goods that was gonna be a waste. I held onto it until I realized our relationship was headed in a permanent direction and then tossed it out. She loved the original Hugo on me but since I was wearing it so seldom I just kept a small travel bottle for date nights out. Since I started using the AXE products I stopped wearing cologne altogether for the above stated reasons. I came to the conclusion that it was of no need to wear an expensive scent on top of more scents and clash them all together to smell like the dumpster at a French whorehouse.<br />
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Guys, here is advice you can stash away as <b>Essential Wingman Gospel</b>: What <i>you</i> think smells good on you may or may not. Seek some smell advice from a trusted lady friend or significant other who will be brutally honest with you. Before you buy a full sized version of ANYTHING with a new scent, try it as a sample first. They make trial sizes of almost anything now, so test-drive it for 99 cents and see if it works with your natural chemistry. If not, move on. If it works, get the larger size and the invest in the corresponding products to coordinate your fragrances in a complimentary manner.<br />
<br />
More Gospel: Use the spray <b>sparingly</b>. Do not douse yourself. Despite what the ads say, don't cross yourself arm pit to arm pit and across the chest and verily bathe in it. Less is more. Overdoing it will, again, make you smell like rotting vegetation.<br />
<br />
The downside to my use of AXE stuff is that I'll get used to a great scent, and then they discontinue it or I simply can no longer find it. This just recently happened when I could no longer find the TWIST product line. It had happened before when I used CLIX, and VICE. I experimented with EXCITE and it was bland on me. I tried ANARCHY and Mrs. Wingman almost vomited. I smelled that DARK TEMPTATION and I almost vomited. Another downside is that not all of the body washes will have a coordinated deodorant and body spray. I love SNAKE PEEL but there are no sidekicks. The same with SHOCK and DEEP SPACE.<br />
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There is also a line of products very similar to AXE from Old Spice, with coordinated layering products of shower gels, deodorants, and body sprays. I played hell finding a scent I liked, and when I tried it out it was pretty weak. Some of you may find them satisfactory though, so don't let my experience dissuade you.<br />
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Thus endeth the sermon. <br />
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Go forth, minions, and stink no more!<br />
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Who's got your back? I do...<br />
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<br />Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4941417197681772709.post-9360179170004409912013-03-05T17:20:00.001-05:002013-04-14T19:52:56.565-04:00The Straight Skinny on Shaving<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Face it, fellas, nobody actually <i>enjoys</i> shaving. It's a task, a chore, a means to an end, something that has to be done and separates us from lesser primates.<br />
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However, it doesn't have to be a disaster. You don't have to look like you got caught in an unexpected fight with a vegetable peeler. I'm a somewhat hairy bastard, and me & the razor have been chummy-chummy for about 25 years now. I'll see if I can impart some helpful tips, both on taming your beard but also the all important shaving of the cranium. I will not, however, give you the How To Shave speech filled with Against the Grain vs. With the Grain crap. You're a grown-assed man and you know HOW to shave. I'm just offering tips to make it easier.<br />
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I think most guys experiment with shaving long about the time we hit sixteen, or so. We're desperate to look older and feel more adult, and we somehow think that by growing facial hair and shaving we're that much closer to manhood. Little do we realize that the sooner we start shaving it off and growing it back, the sooner we start a lifetime of scraping our faces with sharpened metal on a regular basis. At first we relish that it grows back faster and coarser, because we're suddenly all manly & shit, and then after a few years you yearn for those childhood peachfuzz days. A lot of us remember either mock-shaving alongside Dad on the weekend or wasting half a can of shave cream messing about with an old Gillette safety razor without the blade in it. That's what gets us in the thought process of needing to shave in the first place.<br />
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I had a wee stripe on my upper lip when I joined the Army and barely needed to shave once a week. Boot camp started the daily shaving regimen, as the military frowns upon facial hair, and after my soldiering days were over I let the facial hair grow out a bit. I couldn't bear the thought of a big bushy Grizzly Adams beard circa 1977 so I went with a short jawline beard, longer than the Don Johnson or George Michael stubble but still pretty short. I kept that for a couple years and then decided to go with a Van Dyke goatee, since that was all the rage at the time.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I loved the show as a kid but I can't grow a beard that big.</td></tr>
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I kept the goatee for several years before going back to the jawline beard. It breaks up the roundness of my face pretty well. Y'know, fellas, you really have to pick your facial hair design to compliment your face's shape. If you have a narrow long face, a long beard just makes it that much longer. If you have a Charlie Brown-type round melon, a beard makes it less round. Honestly, I would avoid just a mustache by itself. The solo 'stache is a weird 70's retro throwback that calls to mind skeevy porn stars and used car salesmen.And unless you're Amish, a Mennonite, or a tugboat captain, a beard sans mustache is also a no-go.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No. A thousand times no.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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I recommend you get an inexpensive trimmer to keep the facial hair tidy. The average one is about 20 bucks. Mine is a Wahl and works great. To trim things down, start with the guard that gives the longest hair, trim things up, and if that isn't short enough to suit you, keep going with shorter guards till you achieve the desired effect. I myself use the shortest guard.<br />
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Something that generally benefits your skin is to exfoliate. That scrubs away the dead skin cells that, among other things, can clog your razor and keep the blade from making good contact. You can go with the St. Ives Apricot scrub, and I hear that AXE has a new scrub. If you're really feeling like treating yourself invest in the minty scrub from Clinique. Yeah, I know, I know...it's from the makeup counter at the upscale mall store but it works. It used to come in a cannister jar but now I think it's in a more manly tube.<br />
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Another helpful tip: shave in the shower. Sure, we're used to the tried & true shave-in-the-the-mirror-at-the-sink method. The benefit of the sink is it's usually well-lit and you have a big mirror to work with. Admittedly those fog-proof shaving mirrors for the shower are seldom very clear or very fog-resistant, let alone fog <i>proof</i>, but it's still a worthwhile investment unless you really think you can do it strictly by feel.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Warning: May or may not stay clear as you shave without you squirting water on it often.</td></tr>
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Why the shower? Two very solid reasons. First, the key to a great shave without getting razor burn is lubrication & moisture. Your skin (and the shave lather) can dry out at the sink and that can cause nicks and scrapes. I only shave at the sink as a last resort. The other reason is the hot water will soften your whisker bristles and make for an easier shave. <br />
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<u>Shave cream vs Shave gel?</u><br />
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Neither for me. Sure, you can use the cheaper jumbo can of Barbasol we grew up on. It's been around forever and it's easy on the wallet. For me, though, I've found that lathery creams clog the bejeezus out of the razor. And the gels, like Edge or Gillette...they look all cool & sci-fi hi-tech when they hit your palm in a blue gel puddle, but, well, when you lather it, what does it become? Shave Cream. Less thick than the Old School Cream, but still cream nonetheless.<br />
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I gave up the gels & what not when I started to shave my head. I was really concerned about razor rash and shaving bumps on my melon, especially the first few shaves, so I decided to try the more exotic approach. I can recommend three products, all readily available and reasonably priced. The first one I tried was Bump Stopper Shave Gel. It's a bit thick and tended to clog the razor almost as bad as shave cream but it's easy on the sensitive skin of your scalp. I then tried Bump Patrol, and it works great, both in the shower and at the sink. I like it a lot. I recently tried the shave gel from Bald Guyz, and it works better in the shower than at the sink.<br />
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<u>RAZORS: What to use?</u><br />
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Yeah, that's the $25,000 question. Every time I turn around there's some hot new razor on the market with slick new features and 26 blades and lasers and soothing strips and a latte maker...and they all promise the greatest shaving experience ever. Bullshit.<br />
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I can't see paying ten bucks for the razor and twenty for new blade cartridges, and then six months from now the razor is no longer sold and you need to switch again. I honestly get just as good results from disposable razors. Not the cheap-assed flimsy ones. Those are only single or double bladed and will hack you to ribbons. They make disposable clones of several of the big-name 3 and 4-blade refill razors and they work just as good. It's up to you though on refill vs. disposable razors.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This will rip your skin to shreds while leaving your hair intact to taunt you.</td></tr>
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What about an electric razor? Honestly, I have never found an electric that gave me anything resembling a clean, close shave. If you have, more power to you.<br />
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Straight razor? I'm not that brave. Nope. Sorry. Vintage retro nostalgia cool factor be damned.<br />
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How about a splash of after shave? Um, no. Nothing like slapping some alcohol-based stink-infused potion into your open pores and freshly-scraped skin to make you wish you'd been smarter. Ask yourself why you would do that... If you're doing it for the great smell of Brut, slap yourself. That's what will make you smell like a strip club bathroom, layering an after shave on top of your body wash and deodorant combo to clash like hell. (I'll be covering this in an upcoming post). But if your skin is irritated and you need a post-shave soother, that's another matter entirely. There are a variety of products out there, like the ones from Neutrogena and Nivea, but I use the Gillette when I'm irritated from shaving too fast in a hurry. Just get the unscented one so it doesn't clash with your body wash and deodorant. I'm curious to try the new one from Axe though.<br />
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Shaving cuts? Invest in a styptic pencil. Trust me.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXB37_bsiynv56L8H85iqEQZasYTFwvE0bre2mUO_fCnyfqNxwdT0CgR6YQCstDeqGMKTpTmShbVrjX8158KBpift-VTMsoeAhICKC5s7qkgFNPj_N8SXIIVERqkKTE3mZ0fBj_7-36YM/s1600/shaving-cuts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXB37_bsiynv56L8H85iqEQZasYTFwvE0bre2mUO_fCnyfqNxwdT0CgR6YQCstDeqGMKTpTmShbVrjX8158KBpift-VTMsoeAhICKC5s7qkgFNPj_N8SXIIVERqkKTE3mZ0fBj_7-36YM/s400/shaving-cuts.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some of you will actually go out in public like this, and that makes me sad.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhshWTsTjvvXep-5zOnEDzAJS6eo43QYTzQM_gnKJUdyQstDsrzuCieRqU6NZAFrAKJpQjF_swt1_Mg0FJPythv2ayzeged0gJ_Sxs_ZlMtUeXpZ1_UHGz2Tj05YPLnK7Us5bkrSTtqZVI/s1600/styptic+pencil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhshWTsTjvvXep-5zOnEDzAJS6eo43QYTzQM_gnKJUdyQstDsrzuCieRqU6NZAFrAKJpQjF_swt1_Mg0FJPythv2ayzeged0gJ_Sxs_ZlMtUeXpZ1_UHGz2Tj05YPLnK7Us5bkrSTtqZVI/s400/styptic+pencil.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, go invest.</td></tr>
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<br />
Okay, gents. That about covers it. Go forth and sin no more. Who's got your back? I do.<br />
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Steve: The Lightning Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18381409362375141106noreply@blogger.com0