New product updates

In my never-ending quest to find suitable grooming products, I take the chances so you don't have to. That's the job of the Wingman. Learning from the experiences & wisdom of others is your job, young Padawans.

As we've established before I spend a fair amount of time with razor in hand making my pate smooth as freshly-squeezed Italian silk. That said, I've gone through a long list of shave products & razors in my time.

I think I may have finally found the perfect disposable razor in the Schick Quattro Titanium. It gives a good, clean shave without hacking my skin like a cheese grater, stays sharp for several shaves, and comes with a clever edging blade on the reverse of the pivot head. It's moderately priced and came with a nifty coupon in the package for the next pack. Bonus!

When I bought the razors, another product caught my eye on the shelf above. Always on the lookout for the best in shave goo, I spied a tube of Every Man Jack Shave Cream. I'd never heard of these guys before, and the stuff had a very snazzy upscale looking container, so I have it a shot. Their whole product line is geared toward grooming a refined gentleman without bankrupting him. But does it work?

According to the website, "This rich, low-foam formula softens and preps your skin and beard for a more comfortable shave. Won’t dry out skin or clog pores, either. Made for sensitive skin..." and that it contains something called Squalane derived from wheat germ, which lubricates and softens; olive oil extract that hydrates; chamomile that soothes; and aloe that heals. Nifty. So what doesn't it have? No parabens, no phthalates, no dyes, no sodium lauryl sulfate, and wasn't tested on animals. But does it work? Yes and no.

It is indeed a rich and low-foam cream. Problem is, that richness also clogs the bejeezus out of my razor. It will give you a great shave as long as you start with a steamed, damp beard or scalp, and you clean out the razor often, and I do mean often. If you often shave in a hurry, or lack patience, this might not be for you.

I had also previously stated that I wanted to try some of the new stuff coming out from AXE. While I haven't tried the shave products, I did go ahead and get one of the skin products. I'm always concerned about heavy scents in products so they had to first pass the sniff test. I took a whiff of the BOOST Energizing face wash and it smelled odd and kinda strong, almost off-putting. My face didn't need energizing, so I then smelled the CHILLED cooling face wash. More pleasant but still pretty strong, and my face wasn't feeling warm enough to need chilling. Instead I opted for the generally low-fragrance CONTROIL oily skin face scrub, because while I'm not prone to severe face grease, I do have a bit of shine in the T-zone. Gang, this stuff is the real deal. It only takes a small amount of scrub to lather the whole face and it leaves you feeling exceedingly clean. I highly recommend this product.

I also recently tried the Warming Anti-Blackhead Cleanser from Biore, just on a lark. They aren't kidding about the warming; as soon as you squirt this thick goop onto your fingers it starts to heat up and that heat  feels really interesting on your face. The heat soon fades, almost too soon, as you work it into your skin and the little beads that every facial cleanser is infused with these days scrub you clean. Of course, the bulk of the action is done through salicylic acid, found in every anti-acne product on the market. If you have a blackhead problem, give this a try & see if it help.

Okay, gang. That wraps up this latest update.  Feel free to let your wingman know if you've found stuff that works, or if you've found success based upon my advice. Who's got your back? I do.

Smelling like a million bucks

Dear Wingman, 
                         Can you suggest the best cologne for picking up hotties at the club?
                                                                                                Sincerely,
                                                                                                 Scentless in Seattle

Guys, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but as your Virtual Wingman, someone's gotta level with you.

Most of you stink.

It's not your fault. You bathe. You use a big name scented body wash. You have a great shampoo that smells terrific. You spritz your coiff with a bitchin' pomade. You use freshy fresh deodorant with a guaranteed anti-perspirant. You toss on the body spray that they say drives the wimminz insane. You add a liberal splash of that expensive trendy cologne they advertised in the glossy ad in your favorite men's magazine you read when you're on the toilet.

Yes, we know you read on the shitter. We all do it. We're guys.

And this, my friend is why you stink.

But Wingman, whatever do you mean?


Smell that magazine you were reading. Smells like a dozen cologne ads fighting each other, right? Because they are.

Think about it, Chummy. You are a veritable cornucopia of clashing scents. You have the natural smell of your body, and then you use a scented soap or body wash, and then your pit-stick likely has another smell, your shampoo (if you have hair) has another smell. If you use a styling product it may or may not have a scent. If you have a body spray that's likely yet another flavor. And then, pile on yet another layer of scent with cologne? Dude, you're so wrong. The phrase "You smell like a French Whorehouse" comes to mind.

If you think about it and do it right, there's no reason for you not to coordinate your products and smell like a million bucks.

First off, a small disclaimer. I do not work for AXE. I am not being paid by AXE to advertise for them. I simply use the stuff and like it. That said, seriously, AXE is one of the smartest things to happen to men's hygiene in years. At first I resisted trying their stuff because the advertising was so totally out of my demographic. They made it sound like all you had to do was roll out of bed at 8PM, spray on some AXE (or their competitor, the now-defunct TAG) and the lay-tays would climb into your lap & start removing their clothes. I mean seriously, the advertising was that overt. The gist was, "Use this and get laid immediately.", no matter if you're a hideous CHUD or not.

As an aside, the downside to this is that  guys who actually were CHUDs were all butthurt when they still weren't getting any, and a lot of guys started to think that a can of spray-on Whore Gravy was a substitute for actual bathing and clean clothes. Dudes, especially teen boys, would SOAK in it.

Gentlemen, allow me to assure you that there is no substitute for washing your ass and wearing clean and serviceable clothes. Proper grooming is essential to being a member of polite society.

The great thing about AXE is that they really opened up their line of products to make a complete grooming line. This allows you to coordinate the fragrance of your body wash, deodorant, and body spray, with neutral-scented hair products, with no need for an expensive cologne whatsoever.

Wingman, why you be hatin' on cologne, yo?

I used to wear cologne too when I was younger. Started as a kid, really. My mom always thought it was cute to drop a couple trial-size bottles of shitty aftershave in my Christmas stocking every year; those great relics of the 70s like English Leather, Brut, and Jovan Sex Appeal (or Jovan Musk). Yes, in retrospect that's kinda creepy, getting Sex Appeal from your mom at age 9 but she was just helping a shy nonathletic bookworm kid feel more manly. In junior high I had a bottle of Goeffrey Beene's Grey Flannel and only used it sparingly, so that after awhile it just smelled like vinegar and spice. (Yeah, guys, cologne needs to be used, lest it go bad). In high school the transition was made to Pierre Cardin and then Drakkar Noir, like every 80s kid.

As an adult, I transitioned over to what was to be my signature scent for awhile, HUGO by Hugo Boss. I wore it the bulk of the 90s.

Then around 2002 I changed over to a different scent from the same guy. BOSS by Hugo Boss. I liked it a lot. Then I met the future Mrs. Wingman and... she hated it. The smell made her gag. And herein lies a lesson:

Just because YOU think it smells good, the lady folk may not like the smell on you. Every scent has to also mingle with your natural body chemistry and smells and some may not go together in a pleasant way.

I now had a $60.00 bottle of Smell Goods that was gonna be a waste. I held onto it until I realized our relationship was headed in a permanent direction and then tossed it out. She loved the original Hugo on me but since I was wearing it so seldom I just kept a small travel bottle for date nights out. Since I started using the AXE products I stopped wearing cologne altogether for the above stated reasons. I came to the conclusion that it was of no need to wear an expensive scent on top of more scents and clash them all together to smell like the dumpster at a French whorehouse.

Guys, here is advice you can stash away as Essential Wingman Gospel: What you think smells good on you may or may not. Seek some smell advice from a trusted lady friend or significant other who will be brutally honest with you. Before you buy a full sized version of ANYTHING with a new scent, try it as a sample first. They make trial sizes of almost anything now, so test-drive it for 99 cents and see if it works with your natural chemistry. If not, move on. If it works, get the larger size and the invest in the corresponding products to coordinate your fragrances in a complimentary manner.

More Gospel: Use the spray sparingly. Do not douse yourself. Despite what the ads say, don't cross yourself arm pit to arm pit and across the chest and verily bathe in it. Less is more. Overdoing it will, again, make you smell like rotting vegetation.

The downside to my use of AXE stuff is that I'll get used to a great scent, and then they discontinue it or I simply can no longer find it. This just recently happened when I could no longer find the TWIST product line. It had happened before when I used CLIX, and VICE. I experimented with EXCITE and it was bland on me. I tried ANARCHY and Mrs. Wingman almost vomited. I smelled that DARK TEMPTATION and I almost vomited. Another downside is that not all of the body washes will have a coordinated deodorant and body spray. I love SNAKE PEEL but there are no sidekicks. The same with SHOCK and DEEP SPACE.

There is also a line of products very similar to AXE from Old Spice, with coordinated layering products of shower gels, deodorants, and body sprays. I played hell finding a scent I liked, and when I tried it out it was pretty weak. Some of you may find them satisfactory though, so don't let my experience dissuade you.

Thus endeth the sermon.

Go forth, minions, and stink no more!

Who's got your back? I do...